A Broken Hallelujah
by Virginia May
Summary: A boy lost to addiction. A girl lost to herself. Tough love demanded she walk away, but years later they'll meet again at a crossroads. Drabble fic. AU-All Human. Tiny updates with no promises of regularity. Rated M, just in case.
1. Chapter 1

A Broken Hallelujah

_Walk Away…_

_-o-  
><em>

He sits at a table in the back corner, partly obscured by a display full of travel mugs and bags of this month's special roast. His bronze hair is a beacon, revealing his identity instantly and serving as a warning, like a hazard sign on a dangerous curve.

She knew he could be here, be anywhere really, but it does little to quell the shock she feels - shock so profound, she's frozen in place until a concerned citizen informs her that her dog has escaped her and is now running down Main Street, his leash trailing behind him.

Shaking herself free from the vision in front of her — of a man smiling a smile she thought dead along with the boy he used to be— she backs away with heavy feet.

They drag as she turns and walks away.

It's the only thing she can do.

Isn't it?

-o-

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hi There. *waves* <em>**

**_So, um... no, this is not Arms, or What Drives Her, or An Immortal Wish. SO go ahead, shoot me or shout at me if you like, but this is what I call therapy for a broken writer._**

**_I'm starting to think we're all broken over something, and I know we're all just trying to make our way. This idea made it's way out of my head today, and for once, I'm not stopping to think. I'm just writing it down._**

**_I don't know how long this will be, or if it will update daily. But I do know it will be lots of short chapters, and a pretty quick glimpse into a specific time in two people's lives._**

**_So that's all for now. See you soon, _**

**_Ginnie_**

_PS- If you're reading Arms- the next chapter is with the pre-readers and should go up sometime this weekend. So woohoo for that! :-)_


	2. Chapter 2

**_I forgot to mention that this is unbeta'd. All mistakes and hideous use of the present tense, are my own. The characters of Twilight and their universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer. _**

* * *

><p><span>A Broken Hallelujah<span>

_Avoid…_

_-o-  
><em>

Another strangely sunny day makes her want to shift the usual morning routine again, but before she's even stepped out of bed, she wonders if he'll be there.

Maybe he's always there this time. It's his hometown, after all, not hers. Not really.

She's just here to housesit. To make sure that Charlie and Sue's fur-baby doesn't destroy their house while they're on their honeymoon.

But of course, she knew _he'd_ be here as well. She knew before she agreed to come. She knew that he'd moved back. That he was living with his parents now, in the apartment above their garage.

Huh…

She knew far too much about him, now that she thought about it. How was it that she was still so hyper-aware of him? That after so many years, and having written him off for dead, she still instinctively kept track of him?

No, she thought… better not to take the chance. Better to get her coffee somewhere else than risk bumping into him. She just can't go back there. The smile she saw was probably a fluke. And even if it wasn't, he's better now without her in his life.

She's better off without him as well.

Isn't she?

Of course she is.

And that's why she's taking Rusty on his usual walk through the woods behind the house and not through town today. She'll get her coffee later, maybe even in Port Angeles.

After all, Rusty likes to ride in the car anyway.

She whistles twice, calling the big oaf to her.

"Come on, boy. Wanna go for a ride today?"

* * *

><p><strong><em>I'm not really going to ask for reviews for this one, but if you're reading and you want me to know it, please feel free to drop a line. <em>**

**_Hugs, _**

**_Ginnie  
><em>**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Getting slee_**_**py, so this is it for tonight. **_

_**Bella and Edward are not mine, any mistakes are****. Thx!  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><span>A Broken Hallelujah<span>

_Stop…_

_~(~)~  
><em>

Two weeks. She made it two weeks without running into him.

Oh, she'd run into more than a few others she wished she hadn't, and they were sure to give her every vapid detail they could utter before she shut them down.

Jessica Stanley was the only one to take issue with her lack of interest in him.

"So it's true, then? You really walk around pretending as if he died back in L.A.? You don't have anything at all to do with him anymore?"

"No, I don't," she'd answered simply.

"Wow… you are some cold-hearted bitch, Bella Swan. He almost died. He's practically brain damaged now and all he wants is to forget the past. You could at least—"

"It was nice seeing you, Jessica. Please give my regards to Mike."

Bella couldn't pretend that she didn't get any pleasure from hearing Jessica shout after her that they'd divorced last year. At least Bella wasn't the only twenty-nine year old divorcee in town now.

Thankful to be putting Forks behind her once more, she hugs her father and Sue goodbye then thanks them for the Kona coffee and collection of leis they brought back for her.

Rusty barks ceaselessly from the front window as she gets in her truck. Charlie and Sue wave from the front porch, the sight of their sun-kissed faces making her smile as she turns the key. They yell for her to call when she gets back to Seattle, she agrees and pulls out of the driveway.

Relief floods her as she passes through town, but then she's stopped at the only red light in town.

Where's _he's_ stopped as well.

She doesn't recognize the car he drives, it's some shiny Volvo he wouldn't have been caught dead in ten years ago, but the hair is unmistakable.

As are the eyes.

Blue eyes capable of looking like the sea in any weather- grey, green, or aquamarine. Blue eyes that are now staring right at her.

~(~)~


	4. Chapter 4

**_Good Morning. _****_Thank you so much for reading along! (And yes, other updates are coming. Ones that are actually beta'd.)_**

**_SM still owns her characters, the typos and grammar issues- those are mine. ;-)_**

* * *

><p><span>A Broken Hallelujah<span>

_Turn Around…_

~(~)~

She's not surprised that they cause a traffic jam. Despite the light changing, neither of them moves.

Not until the horns blare, that is.

Reticent, they both lurch forward and then pass each other. Bella keeps her eyes focused ahead, but it bothers her not knowing if he glanced at her when she passed.

It shouldn't bother her. She should be used to walking away by now. Shouldn't she?

Of course she should. So, she should just keep going. She shouldn't let that nagging voice in the back of her mind win. She shouldn't pull into the gas station and park in front of one of the pumps as if she needed the fuel. And she definitely shouldn't turn around and head back into town.

But she does.

She finds him right outside the coffee house, leaning up against the side of the shiny Volvo with a far off look in his eyes. She's relieved to see it's not one of the many haunted expressions he wore in darker times, but she still wonders what he's thinking.

She only hopes he's strong enough to deal with this now. Strong enough to watch her walk away again, because she's only here to say hello.

Then she's going again. She has to.

"Edward…" she begins, approaching him from the side.

His head whips up, his blue eyes wide and… smiling?

"I thought you'd gone."

He's smiling.

And Bella's speechless.

"I…" Her mouth freezes open. She can only stare helplessly at the joyous blue-grey eyes in front of her, the color so much like Puget Sound on an overcast day, but the emotion in them reflecting the sunniest of sunny days.

He's happy.

Happy to see her.

"It's good to see you, Bella."

"It's… I… It's good to see you, too."

He lifts a hand and rubs the back of his neck. "I knew you were around this week, and I was hoping…" His hand drops. "I guess, I was being a coward about it, but I hoped I might bump into you."

This confuses her more. "Really? Why?"

He blinks. "Because I wanted to see you."

She's stunned at his admission. Stunned that there's still a trace of a smile on his lips, that there's humor in his voice as if it would be obvious he would want to see her. She doesn't understand it.

She didn't expect it.

She expected Edward to have written her off just as thoroughly as she'd done to him. She expected him to harbor some kind of grudge, or guilt, or hate, or… anything!

Anything except wanting to see her.

Why would he?

He clears his throat. "If I'm making you uncomfortable, I can go. I'm glad you stopped, though." His smile falters a little.

"I almost didn't," she admits.

Blue eyes search brown. "What made you change your mind?"

She thinks it over, first frowning when she can't think of a reason, then laughing. "I honestly don't know. I think I just didn't want to be rude, seeing you like that, and knowing you saw me, and not saying hi."

He smiles again. It nearly steals her breath away. "Do you want to get a cup of coffee? One for the road?"

Her heart races in a mix of fear and anxiety but she can't think of a single legitimate reason to say no. He's sober. He's happy. And as she takes her time making her decision, he holds her gaze steadily, unafraid. He's waiting without expectation, and it's then she realizes he'll be just fine if she says no.

So she says yes.

~(~)~


	5. Chapter 5

_**Here's a little snippet. These two have a lot to discuss, so there might be more today. Dunno yet...**_

_**Thanks for reading along, and the lovely Ms. Meyer owns everything. (Except my typos.)**  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Listen…<em>

~(~)~

"So…"

His fingers flutter nervously against his House Blend.

"So…"

Her fingers twine together tightly around her latte to keep from doing the same.

They both smile.

It's awkward, and they're entirely too aware of the few sets of eyes and ears around them, but they seem to be on equal ground. Nervous… hesitant… unsure…

But willing.

Edward chooses the table. It's the same one in the corner where Bella first spotted him two weeks ago. She considers mentioning that to him, but decides not to. Better just to move forward, to focus on the here and now.

There's a brief silence after they sit and then,

"How have you–"

"You look–"

They speak on top of one another.

It's a moment of levity they both need and Bella laughs softly while Edward's lips curl into his familiar crooked smile. His shoulders visibly relax and she finally sets her cup down.

They each take a breath and start again, keeping eye contact to avoid a repeat of their previous fumble. Edward goes first.

"I was going to ask how you've been."

She nods, smiles. "Good, I've been good. You?"

"I'm good. Just glad you agreed to stay and speak to me."

His words are smooth, but they prick Bella.

She feels her throat tighten with a hauntingly familiar guilt. "Why wouldn't I speak to you?"

He looks up from his coffee. "Why _would_ you speak to me? You made it pretty clear when you left that you didn't want me to contact you. Not that I remember, or that I blame you. You were right to walk away from me."

Bella can't respond to that without letting her emotions get away from her, so she clears her throat and changes the subject, says what she was going to at the start.

"You look good, you know. You seem… _happy_."

He inhales slowly and forces a smile. It's nothing like the one he gave her outside, but it's genuine enough. "I _am _happy. Probably thanks to you."

She swallows thickly and blinks back tears. "That's really great, Edward." Her eyes fall to the table and she nods. "Really great."

It's quiet for a long moment and neither of them look at the other. Finally, Edward braves asking the question he thinks of most when his fractured mind wanders to Bella Swan.

"What about you? Are _you_ happy?"

She looks at him —sees him still staring intently at his coffee cup, his brow deeply furrowed— and answers honestly. "Yeah, I am."

Because she _is_ happy.

She has a small circle of friends that have replaced the ones she lost when she left him. She has a job that she loves and makes her feel as though everything they went through, everything she went through because of his addictions, wasn't all for naught. She has her father as her closest confidant and defender, and a new family thanks to his union with Sue.

Sue wouldn't be happy Bella was here, but Bella would think about that some other time.

Edward finally looks up at her then, his blue eyes shining – the relief in them palpable.

"That's really good to hear, Bella. I've wondered."

She starts to nod amicably and glances down to reach for her cup, but then the weight of his words hits her and her eyes snap to his.

_You have? _they seem to beg.

He nods once, and she feels her cheeks heat as her own admission pours from her mouth.

"I've wondered about you, too."

~(~)~


	6. Chapter 6

_**Longest one yet. Enjoy... **_

* * *

><p><em>Speak…<em>

~(~)~

There's silence between them for a moment while Edward thinks of the right way to respond.

Bella sighs, shifts uncomfortably. She's still blushing.

It makes him smile. "It's nice to see that some things are still the same."

She knows what he's talking about and rolls her eyes at him, placing her palms against the overheated flesh. "It's a physiological response. It's involuntary."

He chuckles. "It's nice to see all the same." He can see how much this embarrasses her further and mercifully changes the subject. "So… tell me what you want to know."

"Huh?"

"You said you've wondered about me? What did you want to know? Or rather, what did you want to know that wasn't already on the internet somewhere or on 20/20."

She lowers her hands from her face and picks up her coffee. "Would it shock you if I told you I refused to follow you in the press? Other than what I couldn't avoid anyway."

She takes a drink and waits for him to respond.

He appears to mull it over for a moment, then shakes his head. "No. No, that doesn't surprise me. I guess I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. It would have been too hard otherwise."

She nods, keeping her eyes on him. "It was hard anyway."

"I'm sorry."

She waves him off. "Water under the bridge."

He frowns and looks down. "You know… You're the only one I haven't apologized to, Bella. The only one I haven't made amends with."

"It doesn't matter," she says, shaking her head. "All that matters is that you recovered, and that you're happy."

"I'm happy because I've made peace with the things I can't control, and taken control of the things I can. I couldn't apologize to you before because seeing you was outside of my control."

He looks at her, holds her gaze. "But you're here now."

"Edward…"

"Bella, please. I understand if you don't want to bring up the past when you've so obviously worked hard to put it behind you, but at least hear me out. Please?"

She feels her breath coming on too fast, feels the emotion rushing beneath it. _Guilt. _It's so strong, even though she knows better to let it overpower her. She did the right thing all those years ago.

Because she could never say no to him, and that was their problem all along.

"Not today," she says, pleading. "If you respect me at all, not today, and not here."

His disappointment is obvious, but he concedes because he does respect her —more than she could possibly know. "All right."

"Thank you."

They sit quietly for a while, until Bella remembers she has a three hour drive home.

"It is good to see you, Edward. It's good to see your smile again."

And there it is… a peace offering in the form of his smile.

She smiles back. "I should probably go. I have work tomorrow."

He nods and slides his chair back to stand. "How is that going for you? I heard you were a social worker?"

She rises and gathers her things. "You heard that, huh?"

He shrugs. "It's still a small town, and your father is the police chief."

I nod. "My job is good. Hard sometimes, but worth it."

They walk outside and she points in the direction of her truck and they walk side by side. He clears his throat.

"So what do you do exactly?"

"I'm a substance abuse counselor. I work with youth right now."

Edward nods. "Teenagers?"

"Yeah."

He clears his throat, trying to hide how affected he is by her chosen profession. "That's great, Bella. You should be proud."

"I am."

They reach her truck and she unlocks the door. She's glad she parked on a side street. There are no storefront windows to be concerned about while they say their goodbyes. Edward looks up and down the street anyway as she opens the door and puts her stuff inside.

"So…" he begins.

"So…" she echoes.

They both smile.

"Will I see you again? Do you come back to visit often?"

She shakes her head. "Not really. Not since…"

"Since I moved back," he supplies.

"Yeah, well… it's your home town. I was always the interloper."

He looks at her like she has three heads. "Why do you say that? Because you only moved here senior year?"

She shrugs. "Junior year, but yeah… pretty much."

"Junior year?"

She meets his eyes, sees the confusion in them. "Yes. Junior year. You don't remember?"

He makes a face of concentration. Bella watches as he searches for the memory. It's the first time she's noticed any side effects from the stroke he suffered after that last, nearly fatal cocaine overdose.

He looks at her helplessly. "I can't remember exactly, Bella. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I was only here for the second half of the year. I moved up from Phoenix after New Year's. We met on January 6th. It was the first day of school after the winter holidays. Does that help?"

He nods. "Biology. I remember that."

She can't help the smile that breaks out on her face. "Yeah. I almost fell flat on my face, but you caught me. Then I did it again when I realized I was holding hands with 'Eddie Cullen: Former Child Star'."

Her finger quotes make him laugh. "You wouldn't admit you knew who I was, but you were so star-struck."

"That's right. See? You do remember."

"I just didn't know when that happened. I couldn't place it."

She nods. "That's pretty common, isn't it?"

"Unfortunately," he sighs. "I'm just lucky I could afford all the therapy it took to get me this far."

"You were lucky all around, if you ask me."

"I was. If you hadn't answered your phone that night…"

Silence falls between them again and she knows what he's saying. What he's thanking her for without using the words.

Bella hugs him spontaneously and isn't surprised when he hugs her in return. She closes her eyes and squeezes him tightly.

"I'm very glad I did."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><strong><em>More tomorrow. It may be late though. My daughter is going to be an extra in a commercial shoot tomorrow. :-)<em>**


	7. Chapter 7

_**This is a re-post. I initially wrote this and switched from 3rd person vice to 1st person halfway through. It messed me up for a few days, but I'm back on track now. Please forgive the inconsistency. (See why I usually have a beta?)**  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Concede...<em>

~(~)~

Their embrace ends as quickly as it begins and just as quickly, Bella is in her truck. She rolls the window down and turns the key, only to look over and see Edward scrambling in his pockets for something.

His eyes are rimmed in pink and he sniffles a little before he looks up at her. "Can you drive around and meet me at my car? I have something for you."

If she's surprised, she doesn't show it. "Okay."

Edward nods. "Okay, good. Thanks."

He turns and darts off down the street, leaving Bella to wonder why she didn't protest. Perhaps it was because she'd been too busy wondering what to say and do after hugging him. Or perhaps it was because she was still shell-shocked that she'd initiated any physical contact with him to begin with.

Whatever the reason, she pulls herself together and then pulls her truck around the corner to find Edward waiting for her next to the driver's door of his car. He walks around to her open window when she stops next to him and holds out a tattered looking envelope.

"You said not now, and not here, but… it says everything I would have said earlier. Probably more."

Bella hesitates. "How long…"

"A while. You don't have to open it if you don't want to, not if you think it will cause you any pain or regress, but… It was an important part of my recovery and I'd like to have it if you ever think you're ready to hear it."

Her fingers shake slightly as she stretches her hand out, stopping before she gets half way there.

She knows if she take it, she'll eventually read it. She knows it will open up the floodgates and there will be no going back. What she doesn't know is if she can handle that.

Her subconscious must think so, however, because she takes the letter from Edward a moment later.

"Thank you," he says, his voice quiet but full of emotion.

She nods and places the letter inside her handbag. When she turns back to him, she sees their holding up traffic.

"I gotta get moving."

"I know. Go."

"Goodbye, Edward."

He smiles sadly in response. "Goodbye, Bella. Drive safe."

~(~)~


	8. Chapter 8

_**Re-posted chapter. Once again, SM owns everything important.**_

* * *

><p><em>Think…<em>

~(~)~

The drive home is long. Rain, traffic, and an endless barrage of memories make it even more so. Bella feels tempted to pull over and rip open the envelope Edward gave her at least a dozen times, but manage to restrain herself.

Heaven knows if she'd even be able to make it home after reading it.

Her door slams open too fast when she finally get the lock turned. She drops her bags and reach up to steady the mirror on the wall behind the door, holding her breath to see if the nosy neighbor across the hall from her will emerge to see what the sound was.

He doesn't, thankfully, so she grabs her bags and shut the door, cringing again when it slams closed. She knows she really needs to get the damn thing fixed.

A bottle of water, two Tylenol, and a shower later, Bella finally grabs the letter out of her purse and sits down on the living room sofa. Placing it on the table in front of her, she looks at it and thinks for a moment.

_Do I want to do this now? What's the rest of my week like? If I have a complete and total breakdown will I be able to take a day or two off? What makes me think I'll have a complete and total breakdown? I didn't have one when I saw Edward. Or when I talked to him. _

But then, she thinks, she wouldn't let him apologize to her either.

Why?

Would it really be so bad to hear that he's sorry? Would it be so bad to read what she knows is already true? What she could see clearly when she sat with him face to face?

She knows that he really is sorry. So why doesn't she want to open the letter?

Frustrated at her self-psychoanalyzing, she takes the throw on her sofa and wraps it around her before opening up the balcony door to the night sky. It's a cool evening for August, but the white noise of the city is comforting, so she curls up on her Adirondack and lets it soothe her.

With the hum of electricity and the buzz of traffic in her ears, Bella's mind wanders. It wanders to blue eyes and green meadows. To biology labs and English homework. To prom nights and, God help her, wedding nights.

It's then that she realizes whether or not she reads the letter, it's a moot point. The lid she put on that part of her life has been blown to bits and there's no undoing that.

All she can do now is pray she's strong enough to deal with it. That, and that she doesn't give herself a paper cut in her hurry to open the envelope.

_Dear Isabella,_

_It feels like I've started to write this letter about a thousand times..._

~(~)~


	9. Chapter 9

_**This chapter is pretty much the same, I just deleted a bit of narrative I found kinda out of place and left the letter by itself.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Read...<br>_

~(~)~

_Dear Isabella, _

_It feels like I've started to write this letter about a thousand times, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot find the right words to begin with. I'm sorry just isn't good enough. Nor does it cover the multitude of things I'd like to say to you, if I had the chance. Not that I'm expecting anything from you, but I owe you so much more than an apology. _

_I owe you my life, Bella, plain and simple. There was a time that that didn't mean much to me, but I've come a long way since then. I'm thankful to have survived now. I'm thankful to have been given a second chance at life. I only wish there were a way for me to let you know how grateful I am to you without causing you further pain or heartache. _

_I do think you should know that I truly am sorry. The remorse that I feel for the pain that I caused you in the past is overwhelming sometimes. Even though there are numerous things that I can't remember for myself, and many things I get confused over, I do know what I put you through. _

_Time and time again I put my addiction before you, and when you refused to ignore my problems or excuse them, I said and did terrible, spiteful things . Things I can never take back. Things you didn't deserve. Things that were not your fault. _

_I think more than anything, that's what I want you to get from this letter. The choices I made that led to my addiction were not your fault. The choices I made while I was using were not your fault. Hell, the choices I made when I was sober weren't your fault. _

_Neither was my inability to stay sober. I was sick. I was suffering from a disease that I had no desire to cure or recover from. I still struggle with it, but at the time, I didn't even want to try. I didn't want to get better. I wanted just one more high. One more hit. Always... just one more hit. _

_I'm an addict, Bella. I'm eight-hundred and twenty-seven days into my recovery, but I am an addict. I always will be. _

_That said, I want you to know that I hold no anger against you. Leaving me while I was still in the hospital was the best thing you could have done for both of us. It made it easier in the long run and you were there at the most crucial moment. You answered your phone and didn't just hang up when I didn't respond. You called 911. You saved my life. Oh, and apparently, you sat with me —the man who filed for divorce because you wouldn't tolerate my addiction— until my parents could get to the hospital. It was far more than I deserved. _

_But then… you always were more than I deserved. (No matter how unhealthy my psychologist says that statement is.) _

_I don't know when or how I will get this to you, but I hope it will be just the first step in a process. I hope we might be able to open a dialogue someday, but I understand that it might not be what you want. Or what's best for both of us. _

_I suppose only time will tell. Until then…_

_Yours, _

_Edward_

_PS- If you need or want to contact me, the best way is through my lawyer. He will be able to find me no matter where my life & recovery might take me. _

_Jason Jenks, Esq.  
>1404 E. Yesler Way #103<br>Seattle, WA 98122  
>206-555-3043<br>_

_~(~)~_


	10. Chapter 10

_**This one is the shortest yet. (It has also been edited to reflect the proper narrative voice. My apologies for any confusion, or if you preferred the first person instead.)**_

* * *

><p><em>Feel…<em>

~(~)~

Her eyes are tender and poofy when she wakes the next morning.

Not that she's surprised.

She stayed up far too late, and cried far more than she had in a long time. It's not that she didn't know this would be hard. She did. But Edward's letter was more than she'd been prepared for. It was both everything she expected, and nothing like she expected, all at the same time.

For one, she honestly hadn't anticipated the formal, thoughtful tone he used to pen his words. She hadn't anticipated him to sound like the boy she knew back in high school. Nor had she anticipated the complete lack of excuses, anger or pleading.

She had honestly thought there would be at least some of that. But there wasn't. Which leaves her grateful, but wondering… and wondering is a dangerous thing.

Because if curiosity killed the cat, then Bella's parents gave her the wrong name. This cat is too curious for her own good, and always had been.

~(~)~


	11. Chapter 11

__**Thanks for not kicking me for the shortie on the last chapter. ;-) (Also, thank you for being patient with the re-posts!)  
><strong>__

* * *

><p><em>Careful…<em>

~(~)~

She's relieved beyond belief when her two o'clock session cancels at the last second. Bella would normally be irritated by the loss of a clinical hour, but not today. Today she needs the time to myself.

Not only is she still catching up after being out of the office for two weeks, but there is an unread email sitting in my inbox that has had her distracted since it arrived early this morning.

She guesses Jason Jenks works fast. She only just gave him her information to forward to Edward yesterday.

Fingers hovering over the mouse, she pauses over the message subject for another moment before she clicks on it. She's taken every step up until this point with similar care, not wanting to act rashly or on impulse, but it seems somewhat pointless at this juncture.

She knows she's going to click on the damn thing, just like she knew she was going to read that letter, just like she knew she wasn't going to drive out of town and pretend she hadn't seen Edward sitting at that red light.

Still, her heart flutters a little as the screen flashes to white before the message loads. This could be a mistake. This could end in more heartache for her. For both of them.

But it could also lead to resolution… _if_ they're careful. So she's being careful.

The email loads and it's brief.

—_  
>To: Isabella Swan<br>From: EA Cullen  
>Subject: Contact Info<em>

_Dear Bella, _

_I received a call from my attorney today, which must mean that you've read my letter. All I can say is thank you. That means more than I can say._

_So, I'm not going to try to guess where you want to go from here, but please feel free to get in touch with me in whatever way you're most comfortable, whenever you're ready. My contact info is enclosed._

_Take care,  
>Edward<br>—_

When Bella reaches the end of the quick note, she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. It was nothing to get excited over, but still…

The door is open a little wider. His information is all there. The ball is in her court.

Now the question is—what to do with it?

Looking between her cell phone and the computer screen, she tries to decide what's best. In the end, she doesn't trust herself to speak to him without being impulsive yet, so she moves her hand back to the mouse and hits the _reply _button.

—

_To: EA Cullen  
>From: Isabella Swan<br>Subject: Thank You_

_Dear Edward,_

_Thank you for getting back to me…_

~(~)~


	12. Chapter 12

_**This chapter probably has the most actual changes besides changing I/Me to She/Her. They are still minor changes and should not disrupt the story.**_

_**Thanks for reading!  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Revisit…<em>

~(~)~

A soft knock breaks Bella from her daze and she blinks rapidly, glancing at the clock only to see that she's been sitting here long after she could have gone home.

She sits up and clears her throat. "Come in."

Tia, a fellow social worker and friend, pops her head in through the door of Bella's office with a smile.

"Are you still playing catch up?"

Bella grins. "The opposite actually. I've just been sitting here wasting time, lost in my own thoughts."

Tia nods. "Easy to do around here. Everything okay?"

Yeah." Bella shrugs a little.

"Client?"

"Sadly, no."

Tia pushes the door open a little further, revealing her pretty red Burberry folded over her arm. "Do you want to talk about it? Benjamin has a night shift tonight."

Her husband often has to work nights at the hospital, so Bella knows Tia's offer to listen is as much to keep herself busy for the evening, as it is to help a friend. Bella doesn't mind at all, but has to pause and think about whether or not she wants to share this part of my life with someone at work.

Misinterpreting Bella's silence, Tia waves her hand dismissively. "You don't have to talk about it. Never mind."

Bella sighs. "No… it's okay. I really do need to talk to someone."

Tia smiles and steps inside, closing the door behind her and laying her coat down neatly before sitting down in the oversized chair in the corner.

"What's up?" she asks casually.

Bella swallows back a little wave of nervousness and speaks carefully. "How much do you know about my past, Tia? About why I got into this line of work?"

Her colleague's face is thoughtful. "Not much, just something about an ex-husband. I assumed he must have had some kind of addiction."

Bella smiles halfway. "Yeah… he did."

"Does," Tia corrects. Bella nods, agreeing before blurting out her main concern.

"I ran into him while I was in Forks."

"Your ex?"

"Yes."

"How'd that go?"

She shrugs. "It was fine. I just... I'm having a difficult time deciding how involved I should get now that we've run into each other."

"Why?"

I laugh, though it's not funny. "Because he's Edward... He's my Achilles heel…"

She smiles wryly. "Everyone has one."

Bella nods, picking at a cuticle. "We met in high school, you know? I was new. He was handsome and popular, and oh… Did I mention he was the former star of my favorite childhood sitcom?"

Tia blinks, taken aback. "Seriously?"

Bella laughs. "Did you really not know that?"

"No!"

Bella nods. "He went by Eddie Cullen back then. He played the youngest brother on _Home Development_."

Tia thinks a moment and then her eyes go a little wide. "That little teeny bopper who was on the cover of all the teeny-bopper magazines in the nineties?"

Bella's cheeks heat, because she had a few of those back in the day. She nods and Tia leans forward. "Wow, Bella… I had no idea that was your ex. Now that I think about it though, I sort of remembering hearing something about him OD'ing a few years ago. Or being in rehab?"

"There was both."

Both women are quiet for a beat, then Bella begins.

"It was cocaine. His drug of choice? It was cocaine."

Tia acknowledges that with a nod and a sad smile. Bella sees something in her eyes then and relaxes, the story coming easily to her lips for the first time in a long time.

"He was already using when I met him, but you'd never have guessed it. He was a perfect student, handsome, polite, involved in extra-curricular activities and close to his family. Everyone thought he had it all, and when I transferred to Forks midway through our Junior year, I thought the same."

She pauses, thinking back to that first day.

"I knew he would be going to the school there, but his family had lived in Forks so long it was old news. I just wasn't prepared for him to take any notice of me. And it happened so fast, you know? One minute I was the new girl—the awkward, bumbling prodigal daughter— the next minute I was Edward Cullen's girlfriend. I was completely blinded to anything else. And by the time I saw the signs, I was far too gone to get out without getting burned."

~(~)~


	13. Chapter 13

_**Another re-post, even though this is from just this morning. I was actually checking my facts on the next blurb when I noticed the inconsistency with the narrative voice. I'm surprised no one else caught it, but imagine y'all were just being to nice to say anything. ;-) Anyway, enjoy the improved version and thanks so much for reading along!**_

_**~Ginnie  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>The Beginning…<em>

~(~)~

"When did you first see the signs?" Tia asks, her voice soft and more curious than clinical.

Bella smiles at her, grateful that her colleague is acting as more of friend than a professional at the moment.

"Not until right before we left for college," she answers.

Tia raises an eyebrow at her.

She laughs, raising her hands in supplication. "I really didn't! I was blinded by love, and… well, we spent every Friday night apart without fail. My dad's best friend and fishing partner lived one town over, near the beach. They got together every Friday night and cooked out before going to bed early so they could get up at the ass-crack of dawn."

Tia chuckles.

"I even had my own room over there," Bella adds, rolling her eyes. "Well, it was Billy's two daughters' old room. They were both grown already, so I slept there Fridays and drove my dad's truck back to town Saturday mornings whenever I got up. Sometimes I hung out with some of the kids down there, but usually I raced home to spend the day with Edward. He was always slow to get out of bed, but I just thought it was because he was a typical teenage boy, you know?"

Tia nods. "How many times have we heard parents of kids here say the same thing?"

"Exactly. Edward hated Charlie's Friday night sleepovers at first, but eventually settled down about it. I always believed he was spending those nights his own family, or some of his jock friends. And I never thought to question what he did because he was always so happy to see me again and, not once in the time we were together, did he look twice at another girl."

"Which is what most teenage girls worry about when it comes to boys…"

"You got it. I was oblivious."

"Until…"

"Until we graduated. Until we had to decide where to go to college and talk about what we both wanted to do in the future, and we figured out that we both wanted different things."

She ticks things off on her fingers, one by one, remembering it like it was yesterday.

"I had more stability in Washington than I ever had growing up, so I wanted to stay there. He missed the sun and the warm surf in California and wanted to go back there. I knew what I wanted to study and what I thought I might want to do for a career. He had no idea what he wanted to study but thought he might want to get back into acting again. I looked at time apart as inevitable, we were growing up after all. He looked at it like it was a death sentence. He wanted me to come with him."

Tia nods sympathetically. "Benjamin and I had similar issues when he went to medical school. Only he was the one who knew what he wanted to do with his life. I just wanted to be where he was."

Bella's smile is sad. "Edward wouldn't even consider following me where I wanted to go. He was set on California."

"And you?"

She shakes her head. "I applied for Stanford, Berkeley, and UCLA, same as him. In the end though, I didn't have the financial aid to pay for it, so I decided to stay in Washington. When I told him…" She looks away, swallowing at the memory. "It was our first real fight. We both said horrible, immature things to each other and when he left I didn't see him for three days afterwards."

"He went on a bender?" Tia asks.

Bella shrugs. "I can only assume. Knowing now what I didn't know then, that's probably exactly what he did. I was so devastated myself that when he did show up, I assumed his red eyes and gaunt appearance were because he'd taken our split just as badly as I had. He begged me for forgiveness and I granted it blindly. It was another year before I knew about the drugs."

"How did you find out?"

Bella inhales unsteadily. "Well, after a very long seven months, missing each other like crazy, we spent Spring Break together in Mexico where Edward proposed. I agreed immediately and he paid for our return tickets to go through Vegas."

"Wow…"

"Yeah, I know, but that's not even how I learned about the drugs. He was high enough off of getting me to agree to marry him and move to California."

Tia nods.

"We spent the next few months working out my transfer to Stanford. He tried to convince me that, as my husband, it was his responsibility to pay for everything, but of course, I argued. Then, we caught a break. As soon as we filed the paperwork with the school that we were married, it qualified us for a whole host of financial aid that was targeted for 'non-traditional' students. Edward hardly had to pay for anything for me. For either of us."

"So you went."

"I went…"

~(~)~


	14. Chapter 14

_**A little more. Thank you for reading!**_

* * *

><p><em>The Fall…<em>

~(~)~

"_So you went."_

"I went. I was really happy about transferring at first, too. I loved Northern California and the simple prestige of going to Stanford was exhilarating. It took a few months before I noticed the darker side of things. The skipped classes. The parties. The weekend trips down to L.A."

She pauses for a moment, remembering that she'd first suspected Edward of cheating on her. Sometimes she still thinks that would have been easier to deal with than the truth. Then again, she knows that she'd just have ended up in therapy for a whole host of other issues if that had been the case.

She glances back at Tia who waits patiently for her to continue.

"He eventually admitted he'd been going to auditions, and I tried to be supportive, I just didn't understand all the secrecy. Until I went with him to L.A. the first time, that is." She looks down at her nails again. "He tried really hard to hide it from me, but when he left me alone at some Hollywood party where I didn't know a soul, I knew something was seriously wrong. It wasn't like him to leave me like that. He was somewhat of the jealous type, even if I wasn't."

"Did you actually catch him at it?" Tia asks, handing her friend a box of tissues. Bella hadn't even realized she needed them.

She takes them and shakes her head. "No, I didn't see him, but I put it together. He was sniffling a lot and wiping his nose when he found me. His eyes were all glossy, too, and he was laughing a lot – acting like I'd just imagined wandering around for almost an hour by myself."

"What did you do?"

"I confronted him. I asked him straight out if he was high. He got really pale, then tried to make the typical excuses, so I walked out on him. I took a cab straight back to our hotel and packed my bags. I expected him to chase after me, but he didn't. He didn't come back until early the next morning and he was completely shit-faced when he walked in the door."

"Christ, Bella… I'm so sorry."

"I'd never seen him like that before," Bella says, getting a little lost in the memory. "It scared me so much that I ended up staying and taking care of him. I didn't know what to do after that, so we went home without speaking about it again. It took me an entire week to summon the courage to confront him about it. He was scared, I could tell, and he confessed that he'd been partying occasionally for years; always when I wasn't around. He didn't bat an eye when I gave him an ultimatum and promised he'd quit, that he'd do anything to keep from losing me."

She sighs and Tia nods, knowingly.

"The story is pretty standard from there," Bella concludes. "He wasn't ever really in treatment for the right reasons. When he got his first big feature film roll, he chose his career over mine. He chose a life of glitz and glamour over a life with me. And ultimately, he chose the drugs again and again."

"When did you leave him?"

Bella laughs, though it's really not funny. "Which time?"

~(~)~


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hey! Meant to upload this last night, but guess I fell asleep. (PS- This is not "The End", it's just the chapter title.)  
><strong>_

_**Thanks so much for reading. I will try to get to review replies tonight, as your comments and sweet words mean the world to me! :)**_

_**~Ginnie  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>The End…<em>

~(~)~

"We got married when we eighteen. He went into rehab the first time when we were nineteen. He went back to acting full time when we were twenty-one. He went into rehab the second time when we were twenty-two. I left him shortly after that, when he started skipping his NA meetings and disappearing all day for 'auditions'."

"Why'd you go back?"

"He OD'd on my twenty-third birthday. I felt like it was a sign, that it was my fault. I left him when he needed me most."

Bella rolls her eyes, showing Tia that she knows how unhealthy her thoughts were at the time, and that she doesn't think that way anymore.

Tia simply smiles. "How long did he stay clean that time?"

"Not long. When I found out he was using again, I begged him to give it all up and come home with me. I wanted a house and a home, and I wanted children with him someday. He said he wanted all that, too, but he meant in L.A., in addition to his career. I said no. I wanted him to choose me and our future over the drugs for once and for all. But he couldn't do it. He wouldn't."

"He was an idiot," Tia proclaims, startling Bella.

Bella laughs and smiles sadly. "He was an addict."

"He was still an idiot."

Bella shakes her head. "And I was a pushover. I never said no to him, well, hardly ever. I let myself get lost in him, and let him believe his love was more important to me than anything else. He felt betrayed when I finally got fed up and demanded he put me first. The thing is though…"

Bella sees her co-worker nodding in her seat, realizing what she's about to say and agreeing with it.

"He needed to choose himself. He needed to want to beat his addiction for himself, not do it for me. It took a divorce and him nearly killing himself for both of us to get that."

Tia smiles sadly. "But you get it now?"

"Yeah."

"And Edward?"

Bella inhales, and glances back at her computer. The screen went dark long ago, but she remembers the email he sent her. She remembers his letter, and his smile, and the sight of him happy and healthy where he sat in the coffee shop that first morning she spotted him in Forks.

"I think he not only got it, but I think he actually managed to succeed at it."

"At beating his addiction?"

"Yes. I'm not sure how long it's been, but from what I can tell he's been clean for a while."

"So…" Tia says, sitting back. "Now that he's maintaining sobriety and you two have regained contact, you're concerned about derailing his progress?"

Bella nods weakly. "I just don't know how to proceed from this point. It was, and is, important for him to get to say what he needs to say. Maybe it's important for me as well, but… I left him to avoid being a crutch for him, and to avoid watching him die. I wasn't prepared for this scenario."

"You didn't think he'd make it to this point."

Tears flood a pair of tortured brown eyes.

"I really didn't. I thought it would kill him, or he'd be a vegetable for the rest of his life. He very nearly could have been, too. He just happened to have his father, who's a doctor, sitting by his side when he started to show some symptoms of a stroke. They caught it in time to do something about it before it caused irreparable damage."

Tia sighs and leans forward to hold the hand Bella's not using to wipe her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I can't imagine what this has been like for you. You've been through so much, so I can understand you being scared and uncertain. And I can't tell you what to do now, but I am extremely glad you shared it with me. You're stronger than any of us around here knew and I respect you all the more for it."

Bella lets out an unladylike snort.

Tia laughs. "Well, I do. And I know you'll do the best you can. You'll figure it out."

Bella nods, but deep down she questions herself.

_What if her best isn't good enough? _

~(~)~


	16. Chapter 16

_**A little more tonight. Once again, this is 100% unbeta'd pure me. I hope it's tolerable. ;-)**_

* * *

><p><em>Waiting…<em>

~(~)~

The room around her buzzes with the typical hustle and bustle of a Seattle coffee shop on a bright Saturday morning. She finds the rhythm and flow of customers, along with the music playing in the background soothing.

Still… her fingers tap nervously against the side of her caffé misto while she waits.

He's late though, adding to her nervousness. He sent a text a half hour ago that he'd just missed the ferry and would be another twenty-five minutes or so.

_Or so…_ Bella sighs, now biting her cuticles as she scan the street outside. Knowing he should be here any moment is making her crazier than her decision to ask him to come in the first place.

She still isn't 100% sure this won't be a mistake.

Following her talk with Tia, Bella followed up with her personal counselor and they discussed her fears about upsetting Edward's progress. Bella had long believed it was her absence from Edward's life that allowed him to get it back on track and she was absolutely terrified of being the cause of a setback if she became re-involved with him in any way. It was a very valid fear, but unfortunately, not one she could face in a vacuum.

Not with the pull she still felt towards her ex-husband, and not with his apparent desire to rekindle some kind of friendship with her.

Oh, he'd never said it outright. But she could take the hint from the fairly regular stream of casual, but careful emails he sent. The very same casual, but careful emails she always replied to.

Always.

Heaven help her, Bella felt her face turn up into a soft smile whenever she saw Edward's name in her inbox. Despite her fears, she'd begun looking forward to his messages and replying to them with increasing ease. It felt safe to talk to him that way; back and forth, on neutral ground where she could always edit her words before sending them and potentially doing irreparable damage.

She wouldn't have that reassurance in a face to face conversation. It would be riskier, and harder, which was why she'd avoided it for nearly two months.

And why she ended up having to be the one to suggest the meeting.

Edward never would have pressured her that way. Even though, as soon as she asked him, he'd admitted that his shrink thought it might be good for him. Maybe even for both of them.

She couldn't really disagree.

But she was still afraid.

She _is _afraid... right up until she sees him walk in the door.

~(~)~


	17. Chapter 17

_**Sorry for the delay on this one. I'm adjusting to a new keyboard on the laptop we resurrected from used parts this past weekend. Also, this little blurb was more challenging to write than the others as I needed to make it match the chapter title. "SLOWLY". Anyway, I hope there aren't too many typos. I tried to self-edit, but there were a couple re-writes & that's when I tend to make mistakes. I'm sure you'll let me know though. ;-)**_

* * *

><p><em>Slowly…<em>

~(~)~

She'd forgotten, or not realized, that Edward occasionally still gets recognized when he goes out. She's also forgotten how people can stare, or stop to say hello and interrupt him mid-sentence in the process.

He handles it with humility and humor.

Bella… not so much.

"It's really okay, Bella."

She smiles and covers her cheeks. "I honestly forgot. I don't know how..."

He shrugs. "It's been a while. And I can honestly say that it's a little out of the ordinary anymore. Please don't worry about it."

"I'll only worry about it in proportion to the number of times we're interrupted today. How's that?"

He laughs. "Sure, that sounds fair enough."

They both relax and pick their conversation where it left off. So far they've stayed away from heavy topics and kept it casual: The ferry schedule and traffic around Puget Sound. The rising cost of gas and fuel economy. What kind of car Edward drives and Charlie's old truck. The one Bella bought from him when she moved back to Washington.

Edward's eyes reflect something like regret, or guilt.

"Why didn't you take your car with you?" he asks. "When you left California?"

Bella's answer is simple, but telling. "It would have hurt too much."

He acknowledges her with a nod and rubs his chin in thought, shaking his head after a moment. "I… I probably shouldn't tell you this, but…"

The silence stretches on.

"What?"

"I still have it."

Bella feels confused for a moment, then,

"My car?" she gasps.

He nods.

"Why?"

His smile is wry as he shrugs. "It would have hurt too much."

There is nothing Bella can say to that in the moment so she doesn't even try. Graciously, Edward doesn't force her to reply. He simply clears his throat and scoots his chair back, asking Bella if she'd like another coffee. She nods, grateful for the moment to herself and gives him her preference.

She waits until he's a few feet away before letting out the stuttered breath she'd been holding in. She manages not to get emotional, but only just.

She's composed herself by the time Edward returns, and they find picking up a conversation easy enough. The shadows grow long on the street outside before the feelings between them —leftovers of their shared past— become too much to ignore.

A timely joke and shared laughter is all it takes to break the damn.

"I've missed you, Isabella."

"I've missed you, too, E."

The use of her little nickname for him both takes him by surprise and makes him braver.

"I looked for you afterwards, you know. It took me a while to pinpoint who I was looking for because of the stroke, but… I eventually figured out what was missing."

Bella cringes. She doesn't like to think about what it was like for him, confused and unable to even communicate properly in those early days. Her father gave her updates with the basics from time to time, but other than that she never called anyone to check on him. If she had, she would have gone back. She's not even sure if she should ask him about it now.

What difference does it make, anyway?

"I'm…" she starts.

"Please don't say you're sorry," Edward interrupts. "Really. You've apologized too much already."

She gives a half smile. "Well, I _am_ sorry. For some things."

He lets out an odd laugh. "Like what?"

Her gaze never wavers. "Like, I'm sorry it was disorienting for you. I'm sorry my absence may have made things hard to put together while you recuperated from the stroke, but…" She shakes her head. "I can't say I'm sorry for getting us both out of an unhealthy situation."

"I'm not sorry for that either. You're my hero, to be honest."

She rolls her eyes. "Very funny."

Edward smiles softly. "I wasn't really joking. But, then… I think you know that."

His eyes bore into her, making her inhale a breath to steady herself. "Yeah. I guess."

"There's no '_I guess'_… you are. You were stronger than I think I'd have been had the situation been reversed."

She shifts uncomfortably until he adds, "Just look at how I've been harassing you since we bumped into each other."

He winks at her, making her laugh. "Oh, yes. You've been a regular stalker. My inbox is terrified."

He chuckles and gives her _that_ smile. "It should be."

She giggles and has to take a breath to calm her stupid, fluttering heart. After a quiet moment, she decides to bite the bullet.

"I'm really glad you came today."

She catches him off guard, but covers well. "I'm really glad you asked me. I didn't think you would."

Bella nods. "I know."

He leans forward and sighs. "Bella, I…" He shakes his head and tries again. "I know you're scared. And I am, too. I don't wanna screw up again."

"I know. Me either."

Hesitant blue eyes meet misty brown ones.

"Do you think we can do this? Talk? See each other? Be friends?"

She shakes her head. "I don't know. Maybe…"

"Maybe."

"Yeah, maybe. Let's just go slowly. Take it one day at a time."

He looks at the ground, long and hard, while she tries not to notice him swallowing hard. When his eyes meet hers, her breath catches at the hope reflected back at her.

"Okay, then. One day at a time."

~(~)~


	18. Chapter 18

_**Hey there! One quick thing: **_

_**I just want to clarify an earlier note about reviews. If you are reading and reviewing this story, I am honored and grateful and I appreciate each and every comment you leave me. The way I've gone about this story is a complete departure for me, so I was a little **_blasé _**when mentioned reviews. I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to review every chapter because I didn't know how long or frequent they would be. It wasn't because I don't want them, or don't care about getting them. I do! That said, I want to thank those who have left reviews so far. You've really blown me away with your support and the positive feedback has been a huge help getting me back on track. Thank you. **_

_**~Ginnie**_

_**PS- SM owns all.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Hopefully<em>…

~(~)~

Holed up in their out of the way corner of the coffeehouse, neither Bella nor Edward are in any real hurry to leave.

They keep things as light as they can. Edward asks about Charlie and his new bride, their wedding, and even how her old friends in La Push are doing. He doesn't bring up Jacob, and Bella leaves that topic alone as well.

When she's had her fill of talking about herself, she turns the tables on him.

"How's your family doing?"

Edward shrugs. "They're good. Dad is the Chief of Staff at the hospital now, and my mom is running the bookstore in town. They're um… they're back together. I don't know if you knew, but they split up for a while. Mom pretty much moved to L.A. while I was in rehab, and it took a toll on them."

He rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably.

Bella kicks the toe of his shoe gently. "Hey, you know their issues aren't really your fault?"

"Yeah, that's gonna be a tough sell, Bella. When your mother all but leaves your father to take care of you, it's sort of hard to deny."

She frowns at his tone. "Your drug use may have been a huge source of strain, but I highly doubt it was the only one. No marriage is perfect. In fact, I seem to remember a few times your father slept on the couch back in the day because of Emmett's antics, and even Alice's, too."

He nods a little. "Yeah, I know."

"How is Alice?" Bella asks, changing the subject. "I know she tried to keep in touch with me, but, it was so... complicated."

"I know. So does she." He smiles. "And she's actually doing really well. She's pregnant."

"Seriously?"

"This will be her third… and fourth." Bella's eyebrows shoot up and Edward laughs. "Yeah, I know. They're having twins. Can you believe it?"

"No! Oh, my God! How could not mention that in your emails?"

"We just found out. She's not that far along, I don't think. They're really hoping for at least one girl this time. They have two little boys already."

"Oh, Lord help us. Two little Jasper's running around."

"One little Jasper," Edward corrects her. "The other one could be Alice's clone and is almost as tall as she is already."

Bella rolls her eyes, but giggles. "You're mean. How old are they?"

"Colby is two, and Caleb is four."

"Wow… I cannot believe she has kids. And twins?"

"I know. I think everyone is a little bit shocked about that."

"So, she and Jasper are happy, then?"

"Well, they keep popping out babies, so I assume things are going well enough between them."

Bella laughs and looks away at what Edward's insinuating. He chuckles, secretly enjoying her blush.

"Emmett and Rose have a little girl, too. She's gorgeous and she knows it, so of course she's a complete brat. They named her after me though."

Bella makes a face. "They named their daughter after you?"

"Yeah, Edwina Lucille Cullen."

Edward lets her sit with her mouth hanging open for a while before he laughs and admits he's kidding.

Bella smacks his leg. "I thought you were serious!"

"I know! You should have seen your face."

He lets out a man-ish sort of giggle and Bella smirks.

"With that giggle of yours, I'm not at all surprised they named their baby _girl _after you."

He pretends to be offended. "Just for that, I'm not telling you her name."

"Who are you, Rumpelstiltskin?"

He shakes his head. "Start spinning those napkins into gold, baby."

Bella laughs, but feels her face flush when the last of his teasing words dawns on her. She looks away and pretends to be interested in something near the front of the store.

Edward clears his throat. "They named her Antonia. Antonia Lucille Cullen."

"Antonia?"

"Yeah, I guess it would have been Anthony if they'd had a boy."

"Ah…" Bella nods. "That was really sweet of them."

Edward nods and moves on.

"Dad said to say 'hello'. I completely forgot."

"Oh. So they know we're speaking?"

"Yeah."

"How do they feel about that?"

He shrugs. "My father thought it would be good for both of us, but my mom…" He sighs. "Mom is still struggling to forgive things."

Bella shifts in her oversized chair. "You mean _me_, Edward. She's still struggling to forgive me."

He shakes his head. "She just doesn't understand is all."

Bella nods. "She loves her son. I don't blame her, I'm just sorry she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, Bella. She's just… overprotective. We're working on that though."

Bella looks skeptical. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, good luck. Let me know when it's safe to go near the Forks' book store again, eh?"

He smiles. "I will."

Bella looks around at the mostly empty coffeehouse. "It's getting late."

"Yeah," he sighs. "I guess we should probably think about wrapping this up soon."

"I can't believe we've been here all day."

Edward nods. "I know. I think my legs are numb."

Bella laughs. "Mine are definitely getting there."

"Maybe next time we can go for a walk or something," he suggests as he stands.

"Maybe," she answers, biting her bottom lip and wondering when that will be.

They clear their table and stretch a little, then stop by the restrooms before heading to the door.

As they approach, Edward jumps forward and opens it for Bella. The gesture makes her pause.

"What is it?" he asks a little nervously.

Bella opens her mouth, then shakes her head. "Nothing."

She begins walking again, knowing he'll fall in line beside her.

He does. "Tell me. Please?"

She smiles and watches their feet move alongside each other on the pavement. "I guess I was just wondering what you hoped to get out of our meeting today, _and_ I wondered if you got it."

They walk slowly another moment, reaching her truck too soon and turning to face one another. He appears thoughtful and his blue eyes are narrowed in thought when Bella up looks at him.

"Yes," he says finally. "I got what I hoped for. And more."

She blinks. "Which was?"

He grins. "To make sure you weren't saying the things you've been saying in our emails just to make me feel better. I wanted to know whether or not you've really forgiven me."

She tilts her head to the side. "So this was a test?"

"Maybe a little. But you passed so no worries."

"Did I now?" Her eyes narrow.

"Well, let's see…" he says, taking a breath. "Can you truly forgive me for all the damage I caused? For everything I put you through because of my addiction?"

She doesn't have to think about it, but she watches him watching her for a long moment.

"Yes," she answers simply.

"Then, yes, you passed. You passed with flying colors."

~(~)~


	19. Chapter 19

_**Not much to say here tonight, except things will pick up pace soon. Just to recap, though: The first few chapters took place in late August. The meeting over coffee took place in late October. This chapter takes place a couple weeks later/early November and it's assumed B&E have continued corresponding.**_

_**Disclaimer: SM owns everything but the typos. This is still unbeta'd and off the cuff. ;)**  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Peacefully…<em>

~(~)~

"So, Christmas shopping, huh?"

"Yeah, it's not my favorite thing to do, but it's unavoidable."

She laughs, glancing backwards to make sure her office door is closed all the way. "Why don't you just shop online?"

He sighs, the sound audible even through the phone. "I've done that a couple of times. It just doesn't feel as personal, though. Especially when everyone is coming here this year. Besides, think of all the money I'll save on the shipping."

"Which you'll blow on gas money just to get here."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…"

She smiles. "So, your family will all be there then? For Christmas?"

"Emmett and Rose confirmed just this weekend, so yeah, that's everybody."

"That's great, Edward. Sounds like fun."

"I hope so. For some reason I can't help but think it might be more like a National Lampoon's Christmas."

Bella giggles, shaking her head. "Do _not_ let your mother hear you say that."

He chuckles. "I won't."

He grows quiet and she has a feeling she knows what he's going to say before he says it.

"Alice mentioned wanting to get in touch with you again. She'd like to see you while they're in town."

Bella runs her fingers through the waves in her hair, pulling at the tangles that have formed at the nape of her neck. "I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I don't think _we're _ready for that. We're still figuring things out and you know your sister. I miss her a lot, but…"

"I know. I told her that, too."

"I'll definitely think about it, though. I want to see her at some point."

"We can talk about that when I come up there. If you still want to get together, that is."

Bella nods, fighting down the nerves associated with the get-together he proposed in his last email. She'd spontaneously decided to call him about it, rather than discuss it over the computer.

"No, I think it'll be okay… as long as you don't expect me to spend the entire day traipsing from store to store to store."

"No, no. Nothing like that. I thought we could just do lunch since I'd be in town anyway. There's no pressure, either way."

She smiles. "Well, if you're coming in to do shopping anyway, I could maybe do lunch and one or two stores. It would be nice to get a little shopping done early this year."

"When do you usually start?"

"I don't know, but never _before_ Thanksgiving," she teases.

He chuckles lowly and the sound sends a rush of tenderness though her. She recognizes it as it often accompanies their exchanges these days. Even over email he affects her. His written words make her smile as much as his laughter does—on the rare occasion she gets to hear it anyway.

"So what time is good for you?"

"Any time after eleven. I have a Pilates class Saturday mornings."

"Pilates? Really?"

"Don't act so surprised. You're the one who dragged me to L.A. It was all anyone could talk about there at the time so I tried it. I got hooked."

"I never knew that."

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. "There were lots of things we didn't know we about it each other then."

"True."

She smiles softly to herself when he doesn't apologize right away. They're moving past that point now. It's good to feel the acceptance sink in. No more guilt, no more avoidance. Just peace.

"Okay, so what time do you want to meet? We got off track."

He clears his throat. "Right. How 'bout noon?"

"Sure. Where?"

"Umm… well, I'll be going downtown first. There's some kind of art gallery on Union Street that my mom likes and Dad has something on order for her there. I told him I could pick it up for him, so if you know any place nearby, that's my first stop."

"Yeah, I think I know a couple places in that area."

"Perfect, pick your favorite."

"Hmm… decisions, decisions." Her tone is derisive, making him laugh.

"You still hate it when people force you to cast the deciding vote, don't you?"

"Gee, how could you tell?"

He chuckles. "Just a hunch."

She giggles, then sighs.

"What if you call me when you get to Seattle instead? We'll just wing it."

"I can do that, if it's okay with you."

"Sure. I'll just plan to be downtown at noon and we'll go from there."

"Sounds perfect."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>More tomorrow. :)<strong>_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Here you go. Sorry it got so late. **_

* * *

><p><em>Spontaneously…<em>

~(~)~

The November air is crisp and unusually dry as it moves through the Seattle streets. She wraps her scarf a little tighter around her neck and tucks it back into her jacket, fighting off the chill as the wind whips around her.

Next to her, her companion makes a similar adjustment, glancing down at her as he does. Her dark hair blows up when they reach the street corner and it hits them both in the face. He laughs as she reaches up to grab hold of it and moves to stand a bit closer to her.

Neither of them can help notice the temperature has dropped again since they met for their lunch an hour or so ago.

Blowing out a breath, another chill rushes over Edward. "This is ridiculous. It's way too cold today."

Bella smiles tightly. "Be glad it's not raining. I told you, yesterday was atrocious."

The pedestrian light signals them, and they cross the avenue quickly.

"I'm honestly thinking a change in plans might be warranted," he says when they reach the other side.

"Like what? Pike Place isn't that much farther."

He stops in front of a pack and ship store and pulls her into the slight shelter of the entrance way. "My car's right over there. Why don't you let me drive us? Or we could hit the mall."

"I thought you wanted to avoid the big retail places."

"If I can, yeah, but it's freezing out here today, Bella. I don't want you to be miserable."

"I'm not miserable, E. Not at all."

Her voice is much more tender than she intended, full of sincerity she didn't know she would show him until it was already out there. She sees him soften before her eyes at the warmth in her voice and realizes what she's done with those few simple, but heart-spoken words.

All of their interactions up until this point have been pleasant, but safe an still somewhat formal. Even after a few months of corresponding and clearing the air between them, they were both holding back. She knew he could sense the boundaries she put in place when they interacted and knew he was letting her set the tone as well.

But now… Now, without and forethought or planning, she's changing it.

She feels the heat rise to her cheeks and has to look away.

She doesn't see how he gazes down on her like a startled animal until she shivers again in front of him. She only sees that he steps closer to her, that he reaches out and touches one of her elbows where it's wrapped around her body.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" he asks quietly. At first she's not sure what he's asking her, then he adds, "We can go somewhere else… or you can go if it's gotten uncomfortable."

Bella glances back up at him slowly, not before looking hard at the fingers clutched gently to her coat. She shivers again, but shakes her head.

"I don't want to go."

Heart pounding, she takes a deep breath and watches him swallow thickly.

"Okay," he says softly.

He removes his hand from her elbow and shoves it back in his pocket. Turning back towards the windy street, he crooks his arm out to the side a little and waits for her to meet his eyes.

"Come on, then."

She glances from his bent arm to his eyes and back again, staring just long enough to decide whether or not she'll take it.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><strong><strong>_**I may or may not have some more up in the morning. Not sure how much longer I'll be conscious tonight, but I won't leave you hanging long. ;-)**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Here we go again. ;)**_

* * *

><p><em>Honestly…<em>

~(~)~

The Market is crowded today, so it's easy enough to rationalize her arm still hooked through his as they wander through the indoor corridors together.

Navigating through the bodies, they talk of nothing of consequence and see what piques their interest as they go. Occasionally Bella darts off to inspect something closer and leaves Edward to settle on a gift for one of his family members, but other than that, they tend to stay close.

Neither of them wants to admit it feels good to act this way. Neither of them wants it to end.

But end, it must.

They're quiet as they make their way along the darkening city streets to find their cars. They're both thinking about all the things they could have, or should have, said during their time together.

They'd simply had too much fun for heavy conversation.

They smile at each other bashfully when they finally reach Bella's truck. She stands once again in front of the open door. Edward is holding his purchases, including a bouquet of fresh flowers he claimed were for his mother.

"So…" he begins.

"So…" she echoes, laughing at how often they've repeated this awkward exchange.

He holds the mixed blooms out to her. "These were really for you."

Bella shakes her head, an apologetic smile in place. "Edward, you know I can't accept those."

"Why not?"

"They're flowers," she exclaims, like it explains everything.

"Translation, please?"

She blows out a breath. "It's just… too much for now."

He has the good sense to look abashed.

"Look, you bought me coffee today, and candied pecans. That's more than enough between friends."

"If you say so..."

"I do."

He grins. "Well, you can't blame a guy for trying."

She laughs lightly. "Thank you, all the same."

He sniffs at the bouquet. "What am I going to do with these?"

"You could actually give them to your mother, you know."

"Oh, no. She'll wonder what I did wrong."

Bella laughs. "You're not a kid anymore, what could you have done that would warrant you buttering her up with flowers?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. "You don't want to know."

"Oh, brother. You're probably right."

They smile at each other, but their teasing fades as Bella considers his words. She wonders if there's any truth to his words.

"How are you doing, E?"

He knows what she's asking by her tone. "Same old, same old."

She frowns and tugs lightly on the sleeve of his coat. "Don't do that. You can talk to me, you know."

He sighs. "I'm not trying to be obtuse; I just don't want to lean on you. I don't want to damage this… whatever it is."

"I don't think being honest about your feelings will damage anything. You're stronger than that, and so am I."

His eyes search hers. "You really believe that?"

"Of course I do."

She watches as he relaxes, but there's a tiredness that remains in his expression.

"What do you need right now?" she asks.

Her voice is soft, full of equal amounts of affection and concern. It makes him want to answer honestly.

"Umm… a hug?"

At first she thinks he's joking, but then he smiles sheepishly at her, revealing his vulnerability. Gone is the confident, self-assured man from earlier in the day. In his place stands a man who has laid his pride on the sacrificial altar for the second time tonight.

Bella swallows thickly, but it's not a hard decision. Not when it's Edward

Rising up on her tippy-toes, Bella wraps her arms around his shoulders and squeezes.

~(~)~


	22. Chapter 22

_**Well, the resurrected laptop didn't last very long. It blue screened the other day, and now the monitor is out. So, it's back to the library for me. That said, I'm trying to finish up my other AH story, Arms, this week so I may take a few days off of this one. It should be back soon though. :)**_

_**Thanks again for reading, and for all the sweet, thoughtful, & sometimes heartrending reviews & PMs. I'm touched that you're touched. You guys have blown me away with your love! (more at the bottom)  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Anytime…<em>

~(~)~

His arms encircle her, trapping the flowers he'd been holding between them. Not that either of them really notice or care. He inhales her hair and she relishes in the warmth of his neck against the chilled skin of her cheek.

"How's that?" she asks, clutched to him.

"Perfect," he answers, his voice a low rumble in her ear.

"Good."

"Hmm."

She takes a breath and then, "How are you _really_ doing?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Mm-hmm."

She squeezes him tight. "You would tell me if you weren't, right?"

He releases her, holding her by the shoulders and staring at her hard. "You'd be one of the first to know. I promise."

She nods, a tiny voice reminding her that may not be a good thing. Then again…

"Can I ask you something else? Honestly?"

"Of course."

"How often do you consider getting high anymore?" Her voice is careful, hiding the uncertainty she feels in asking.

She's surprised when he shrugs casually. "Once in a great while. When I've had a shit day, or I'm… well, I'm bored and uh, lacking for other stimulation."

Bella laughs. He means when he's horny,though it's really not funny.

"Sorry," she says, still giggling. "I'm sorry."

He smirks. "Glad you find it so amusing."

"Oh, please, you got all flustered trying not to say what we both know you were saying."

"You're a girl, and my ex. That's just… it's…" He makes a face. "I didn't want to be crass."

She grins at him. "I appreciate that, but it's not like I expect you to live like a monk. You _are_ a man."

He chuckles. "Uhh… thanks?"

The wind picks up again then, swallowing Bella's answering laugh and reminding them they're both freezing to death.

Edward tucks a piece of wayward hair behind her ear. "You should go, and so should I. I have a drive ahead of me."

"Yes, you do. Will you call me when you get home?"

His smile is almost blinding. "Can I?"

She feels the blood rush to her cheeks. "Well, yeah, you better."

"It'll be late."

"I know, but otherwise I'll worry."

"Okay… I'll talk to you later then."

"Later," she echoes, climbing in her truck.

Edward closes the door after her. "Thanks for a great day, Isabella."

She smiles and waves, relieved when he turns to head down the street without giving her a chance to reply.

She knows she would have told him, _"Anytime…"_

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>Since I'll be taking a quick break, I thought it was a good time to say some individual thanks:<strong>_

_**To** KittyVuiton, **thank you so much **__**for dropping everything to read this & leaving the first review. 3 3 3**_

_**To** DreamofTheEndless**, thanks for the endless Twitter pimpage! You're fntstic!**_

_**To **kiwisrock, chartwilightmom, MissP, ElektraLane, OcSickGirl, AngelDolphin01**, and **Abbyweyr**, thanks so much for taking the time to review each and every chapter! That means a lot. :)  
><strong>_

_JazzGirl,** thank you for taking this journey with me & for all your words. They make mine better. *hugs* **_

_**To **Susie** & **Pam** who email me sometimes in lieu of reviewing, thank you so much for that. Your messages mean a lot and I love that you take that time out of your day to do it even when I don't always get a chance to respond! **_

_**To those of you who read all of my stories, especially my Lexicon sisters, when I see your names, even if it's only the one review, I smile from ear to ear. Thank you for sticking with me and being patient with me as I work through each of my stories. **_

_**Much Love,  
>Ginnie<br>**_


	23. Chapter 23

_**Ugh... delay in posting explained below. I still do not own. ;-)**  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Goodnight…<em>

~(~)~

She's only just brushed her teeth and put her pajamas on when her cell rings. Looking at the clock, she answers with an admonishment.

"Speed much, Cullen?"

Velvet laughter greets her. "Well, hello to you, too."

"Seriously, Edward, it's supposed to be a three hour drive... not two."

He only laughs harder. "I just got lucky. I drove right onto the ferry… and it's been two and a half hours, not two."

She smiles. "Two hours, twenty minutes... _and_," she adds, mocking him. "Unless you're still in your car, I'd hazard to guess you've been home at least five of those minutes."

He chuckles. "Astute as always."

They're both quiet a moment.

"Thanks again for today."

"You're welcome. Thanks for inviting me," she smiles.

There's another long pause.

"Would you like to do it again sometime?"

"What? Go shopping?" She cringes, knowing she's being intentionally obtuse.

He either ignores it or doesn't realize.

"No, not shopping. Just... would you like to get together again sometime?"

"I..." She stops, her mind trying and failing to come up with the right thing to say. "Look, Edward..."

"It's okay," he says quickly. "Forget it. I promised no pressure and I'm pushing."

She blows out a breath and wanders into her bedroom, flopping down on her bed.

"You're not pushing. You're asking. There's nothing wrong with asking."

"There is if it makes you uncomfortable, Bella. I'm-"

"I'm not uncomfortable," she interrupts. "I just don't know what we're doing here."

He doesn't answer right away. "Well… I thought we were getting to know each other again. Is that not right?"

"No, that's right, but…"

"But what?"

"What are we _doing_, Edward? What is this to you?"

Once again he's slow to answer, the silence stretching on like the miles between them.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry… I was just thinking."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No problem. I guess I hadn't stopped to think about it yet. I'm just still taking it one day at a time."

She exhales slowly, measuring her response carefully. "Are you really?"

"Yes. I'm not going to lie and say I never think about the future, but it's not anything I let myself concentrate on right now."

She smiles. "Can you tell me what your secret is? Because I'm having a hard time with that these days."

"You are?"

She hears the hope in his voice, just as much as she hears how he tries to hide it.

"I am after today."

"It was the flowers, wasn't it?" He sighs and then surprises her. "Damn those crocuses!"

She laughs at him, feeling grateful for his joke. It's too late for serious conversations.

"They were tulips, Edward."

"Same thing."

She giggles again and rolls her eyes. "Thank you. I'm going to bed now."

"Yeah, I better head that way myself. I have a very busy day at _Ye Ol' Family Bookshop_ tomorrow."

"Well, then... please don't let me keep you."

He chuckles softly, the sound rich with amusement and something else she's not sure she wants to know about.

"Goodnight, Isabella."

Her heart gives a little lurch and she closes her eyes. "Goodnight, E."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>And goodnight to you too, dearest readers! :)<br>**_

_**Once again, so sorry for the longer than expected delay. The resurrected laptop I was working on went down again for good. I guess the "new" hard-drive had a fatal error that cannot be resolved, and although I back-up every day, I was working on this when it went out. Fortunately, I have a pretty good memory and a good library with several computers that I can use when I am otherwise computerless. :) In addition, RL is still insane as well. However... I promise I AM still working on this and my other stories. **_

_**And speaking of other stories...  
><strong>_

_"Arms"__ readers:** the chapter needed a little re-write, but it IS mostly finished. I should have it to the beta soon. **_

_"What Drives Her"__ readers**: I have the next chapter started, but am playing with a new idea for it, so I'll let you know soon how that's coming along. Sorry for the long, long, long wait on this one. I have no intention of quitting on it though. **_

_**Thanks again for reading!**_

**_Hugs,_**  
><strong><em>Ginnie<em>**

**_PS- "Ye 'Ol Family Bookshop" is a reference to the bookstore that Edward mentioned his mother owning. He works there for her on occasion if you couldn't pick up on that. :)  
><em>**


	24. Chapter 24

_**Here you go. This bit's kind of filler material, but it was what came to me this morning.**_

_**Also... I now have a banner for this story that was gifted to me by the very talented, **__JaimeArkin.__** You can view it on my Facebook page, or by copying this link and removing the spaces: **__http : / / i1040. photobucket. Com /albums /b408 /VGMay /Banners / BrokenHallelujahVGMAY4 .jpg_

_**Happy Reading! And Happy Friday! :-)  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Ambush…<em>

~(~)~

She jumps in her seat at the knock on her office door and feels her heart start racing inside her chest before she sees a pair of familiar, but mischievous onyx eyes staring back at her.

"Seriously, Tia… I'm going to get you a bell to wear around your neck!"

"I knocked lightly the first two times. You were zoned out, girl."

Bella nods and fights off a yawn. "Yeah, I know."

Tia tilts her head which had formerly been leaning against the doorframe. "What's the smile for?"

"What smile?"

"That barely-there one."

Bella fights off a blush. "It's nothing."

"Nothing, huh? I think I might like to come in and talk about nothing over lunch. Do you have plans to go out? Or did you bring food today?"

"I brought food."

"You need to warm it up?"

"No…"

"Good. Give me five minutes and I'll be back."

She's darting down the hallway before Bella can even answer her, so she shakes her head and decides to make a bathroom run before her overzealous co-worker returns.

Five minutes later, as promised, Tia returns. Bella hasn't even laid out her whole lunch yet when she starts in on her again.

"All right, girlie… Spill."

Bella laughs. "There's really nothing to spill. I saw Edward this weekend, but you knew I was going to."

"Exactly, why do you think I brought a lunch with me today just in case?"

"So you planned this ambush?"

"Absolutely. Now talk. What's with the daydreaming and the goofy smile you were sporting earlier?"

The younger of the two women blows out a breath. "There was no goofy smile."

"Quit deflecting."

"Gah… will you stop assaulting me then?"

Tia laughs and an equally amused Bella finishes dressing her sandwich with the romaine lettuce and tomato she always brings in a separate Ziploc baggie. She waits until she's eaten at least two bites of food before she begins talking.

"He bought me flowers," she says, dabbing the corner of her mouth with a napkin.

Tia looks up at her with raised eyebrows, waiting patiently, but expectantly for her to continue.

"We had lunch like we'd planned then we walked to the Market in the freezing cold," Bella continues. "We spent the whole day shopping and looking around and stuff, but then he stopped at this flower stand and bought these beautiful tulips, saying they were for his mother…"

Tia smirks and shakes her head.

"Yeah, exactly… Then when we got back to my truck he admitted they were for me and tried to hand them over."

"What did you do?"

"I refused them. Politely, of course."

"How did he react?"

"Perfectly. In fact, he was perfect the whole damn day!"

Tia laughs, but tries to keep her amusement in check. "Oh, dear…"

"Oh, no… just wait. It gets better," Bella says, shaking her head. "He called me to say goodnight when he got back to Forks and I got all serious about things and basically asked him what his intentions were, and he still responded perfectly! He was so cool… like, he's just… He's literally taking this one day at a time and not pressuring me at all."

"Except for the flowers."

"Well, yeah… except for that."

"Truthfully, you might as well have taken them. I mean, for all you've been able to ignore the gesture, you could have some pretty flowers sitting on your desk right now, you know?"

Bella smiles at how well her co-worker knows her. "Exactly."

"So what was it that had you so spaced out when I walked in here earlier?"

Bella sighs. "He asked me if I wanted to get together again sometime and I do, I just…"

Tia doesn't say anything, she just waits for her friend to finish.

"It's one thing to see each other when it's convenient of both of us. Like when one of us is going to be in the other's hometown anyway. It's another thing to be seeking each other out for the sole purpose of seeing each other. That's dating."

"Well… it doesn't necessarily constitute dating, but it certainly could be construed as courtship of some kind."

Bella looks at her. "That's precisely how I feel, like he's trying to court me."

"Does the idea bother you? Are you opposed to being courted?"

"I don't know. That's the problem."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>*In case anyone cares, I imagine this Tia to look a little like Zoe Saldana. Google her if you don't know who she is. ;-)<strong>_

_**Additionally, if you're searching for me on Facebook, try via email which is **__vgmay(at)hotmail. com __** I'm also on Twitter as **__(at)vgmay_

_**And please, if you see her around the fandom, be sure to thank **__JaimeArkin__** for contributing her banner-making talents to writers like me! Merci beaucoup, Jaime!  
><strong>_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Notes at the bottom. I own nothing and make no profit from this. It's a labor of love. :)**_

* * *

><p><em>Family Ties…<em>

~(~)~

"You need to talk to him, Bella. If your gut instinct is telling you he wants more than he's being honest about, then tell him that. Maybe he really hasn't allowed himself to consider it yet, but deep down he may be thinking and heading in that direction. You'll never know though unless you ask him."

"I know," she sighs.

"And you should be prepared that he may ask you the same question in return. If an 'I don't know' isn't what you want to hear from him, perhaps you should be ready with more than that for him as well."

"I know."

"Good."

Bella sits back and regards her friend. "You know… you're pretty good at this. Maybe you should consider counseling for a living."

Tia smirks at her and Bella winks, making them both laugh.

Bella's about to thank her again for her support and friendship when her cell phone rings, or rather, buzzes across the top of her desk. She reaches for it, lifting it up just enough to see the name.

"Need to take that?" Tia asks.

Bella smiles and turns to show her the photo above the caller ID. "I should. He doesn't call for nothing."

"No worries. I should get ready for my next appointment anyway. See you later."

"Thanks for lunch," Bella answers, touching the screen to accept the phone call at the same time.

Tia smiles as she stands to leave. "You too," she mouths silently and then she's gone.

Bella turns her attention to her phone and waves her off.

"Hi, Dad. What's going on?"

"Well, hello there. I thought maybe it'd gone to voicemail."

"Nope, I was just saying goodbye to a colleague real quick. How are you?"

"I'm good, princess. How are you?"

His voice lifts at the end of his question; which, along with his use of the endearment, 'princess', makes her suspicious.

"I'm good," she answers slowly. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason..."

He's quiet a moment and Bella has to stifle a laugh as she can practically hear him attempting to be subtle from where she sits.

"Just spit it out, Charlie. What's going on?"

He clears his throat. "I ran into Esme Cullen this morning. Well, I should say I pulled her over for running the one light we have in town, but you get the picture."

Bella's mouth hangs open in silent amusement for a moment.

"Wait… You pulled over Esme? For running a light?"

He clears his throat again. "Well, to be honest, I thought it was Edward. It was his car. I was as surprised as you are right now."

This time Bella can't hold in her laughter.

"Oh, wow… that must have gone over well."

"Yeah, I got an earful."

"So you just called to share with someone who could appreciate your situation? Or did she have some outstanding warrant and you're calling to gloat that you got to arrest her?"

"I wouldn't do such a thing. Well, the not gloating part anyway."

"Sure you wouldn't, Dad."

"Oh, please. I don't have anything against that woman anymore. She supported her son in the way she felt she had to, and I may have disagreed with the way she treated you back then, but I always did what I felt I had to do to protect you as well. I always will."

"Well, thank you, Dad," she answered sincerely. "Really, though... You two have had run-ins in the past. Why the phone call now?"

"Uh, yes. Well…" He clears his throat again. "You see, uh, Esme shared some interesting information with me this morning. Can you maybe guess what it might be?"

Bella's face flushes. She knew she should have mentioned how things had progressed with Edward sooner. She just hadn't gotten around to it yet.

"Bella?"

Taking a breath, she snaps to. "Yeah, I'm here. I'm... I'm sorry, Dad. I should have mentioned it to you earlier. I just didn't know what to tell you yet, and well, to be honest, I was kind of hoping to keep things quiet until Edward and I got further into this."

"You know, daughter... Given your history of running off to Vegas with that boy, I'd appreciate it if you didn't wait until you're further into anything with him. I don't want to show up at your apartment one day and find you with two kids running around or something."

"Dad!"

"Well, you're the one who got married without a word to anyone."

"That was a long time ago and I was young and stupid. I'd think you know me better than that now."

"Yes, I do and I'm sorry… but you should have told me you were talking to Edward beyond that initial letter situation. And I definitely would have preferred hearing that the two of you were dating again from _you_, rather than from your hot headed ex-mother-in-law."

"Wait… what?"

"Esme told me that Edward and you were dating again. She accused me of targeting his vehicle this morning in retribution or something, and seemed to assume I'd be as unhappy about a reconciliation between the two of you as she is."

It takes Bella a few breaths to respond. She feels stunned, as if her body is physically vibrating from the after effects of an electric shock.

"She said we're dating?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And… Did she say whether or not _Edward_ told her that we were dating?"

Her father is quiet a moment. "I don't recall. I didn't think to ask where she got her information from. Why? Is she wrong?"

"Yes, she's wrong. We aren't dating, Dad. We're talking... Emailing... We had coffee once and then lunch this weekend, and I accompanied him while he did some Christmas shopping in town, but… that's all."

"Did he pay?"

"What?"

"For coffee, or lunch… did he pay?"

"No, we got separate checks."

"Was that his idea or yours?"

"What do you think? He's still Edward. Of course it was my idea."

Her father chuckles lowly. "Okay, okay… it _technically_ wasn't a date then. _Technically_."

"Dad…"

"Daughter…"

She smiles, but her father sighs heavily.

"I gotta be honest with you about something, Bella."

His abrupt seriousness makes her sit up. "What?"

"That boy… he's still in love with you, princess. He never stopped."

She sucks in a breath. "You don't know that, Charlie."

"Now don't _Charlie_ me, Isabella. I know what I'm talking about. It's a small town and I've run into your boy more than a few times in the last five years."

"That doesn't mean you know how he feels about me."

"Just… be careful."

Bella's eyes fill with tears, her throat constricting. Charlie sighs.

"You're my child, and I love you. I will always choose _you_ and support _you_. But Edward… well, he's trying real hard and I don't want to see either of you hurt. Okay?"

Bella nods, then remembers she has to answer and forces out a choked reply.

Her father waits a beat. "You gonna be all right?"

"Mm-hmm."

"I love you, kiddo."

A beep sounds in Bella's ear. She pulls it away from her cheek to look at it with watery eyes.

_Edward..._

Of course.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>More soon. :-)<br>**_

_**And, on a side note, I honestly think this Charlie turned out a bit more OOC than my usual Charlie's. But what do we think about him shaking things up? Will the meddling father help, or hurt?**_

_**I'd love to hear your thoughts, and thanks for reading!  
><strong>_


	26. Chapter 26

_**Just a little bit tonight. More tomorrow. **_

_**For my**_"Arms" readers: My plan for this weekend was actually to finish up the next/last chapter of Arms. Sadly, I'm just not happy with the last bit I've written for it and since it's so close to the end, I'm being particular. Please just know it's a huge priority for me & I AM working on it! _****_

_**~Ginnie  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Love…<em>

~(~)~

She misses Edward's call because her father is hesitant to let her go after making her cry.

Charlie's so different now that he has a wife to attend to and, while it's nice to see him learning and growing emotionally, it's also annoying. She would actually prefer him to be oblivious most of the time.

Why couldn't he have been oblivious _today_?

With his words still echoing in her mind, she's almost afraid to call Edward back. Because what if Charlie's right? What if Edward really is still _in_ love with her after all these years?

She never doubted that he still cared for her of course, and she still cares for him, too, but being in love with someone is sort of different than just caring for them. Okay, it's totally different.

And yet… is it _really_?

If she's learned anything over the years, especially in her vocation, it's how easily people confuse being "in love" with passionate feelings of infatuation or sexual attraction. She's even honest enough with herself to admit that, in the beginning at least, that's exactly what she did with Edward.

She may have _called_ it love at first sight at the time, but when it was all said and done, she came to realize what she initially felt for him had merely been infatuation and powerful physical attraction. There was very little genuine love.

Love, she knew now, is truly as the bible verse states. It is patient, kind, selfless, enduring, and forgiving. It is the actions of those that profess it, more than it is their words. It is a choice, as much as it is a compulsion or a feeling. It is inexorably bound with respect and trust, and mutual admiration. And, if you are very lucky, love is what remains when all else falls away.

No one knew that better than Bella Swan.

No one that is, except perhaps Edward Cullen.

Packing up her lunch, she runs to the bathroom to freshen up a bit, taking a moment to look herself over in the mirror.

She's changed a lot in the last five years. Her cheeks aren't so round. Her hair isn't so long. She wears less make-up, but applies it with more skill. Her wardrobe is more daring, unlike her personality at the moment.

_Don't be a coward,_ she tells herself, meeting her own eyes in challenge.

So what if Edward's in love with her? It's only Edward.

It's _always_ only been Edward.

She returns to her office feeling a little more centered. There are just some truths that aren't worth fighting and she realizes, however belatedly, that identifying her feelings—and perhaps his as well—changes nothing between them. She's merely aware now.

Sitting back at her desk, she checks her agenda for the rest of the day before moving forward.

There's a new voicemail on her cell phone just as she assumed there would be, but she can't be sure it's safe to check it or to call him back until she sees what the rest of her day looks like. Fortunately, she has the next half-hour free to do paperwork; paperwork she can take home with her this evening if necessary.

She smiles then, and picks up her phone.

~(~)~


	27. Chapter 27

_**Okay, so this is the first time I'm splitting a scene just for the sake of splitting it. It got really long, but I'm still playing with the end, so for now… here's part one. Enjoy!**_

_**I still own nothing, except the typos. Those are usually mine. :)  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Deep Breaths…<em>

~(~)~

Bella practically drops the phone in an attempt to slide her finger across the screen to unlock it.

Having realized a thing or two after her lunch with Tia and her conversation with Charlie, she's looking forward to speaking with Edward. She's nervous to the extreme, but as her father would say, she's ready to call a spade a spade.

_Deep breaths… _she tells herself in an effort to calm down.

It works, sort of. At least until she checks the voicemail Edward left for her.

It's not his usual, lighthearted message. Instead of being as smooth velvet, his voice sounds a little harried and perhaps even a bit frantic. It catches her off guard and she finds her mind slipping in an unhelpful direction.

While common sense tells her that he's most likely out of sorts over the run-in between their parents this morning, she can't help but compare the tone of his voice to similar messages left in the past; times when he'd sworn he'd given up the drugs for her, only to slip and come begging for forgiveness. Or times when his career hadn't gone as planned and he expected her to drop everything going on in her life and take care of him.

Not that he's asking that of her now, she reminds herself. At least, not that she can tell.

But forever cautious when it comes to Edward, she listens to the message again.

"_Hey, Bella… It's me… If you get this and you have a few free minutes, could you call me? It's not an emergency, but… well, it's been an, uh… an interesting morning and I kind of needed to talk to you. Call me back as soon as you're able. Thanks. Yeah… okay, bye."_

Listening to it a second time, she's even more convinced his stress is related to the Charlie-Esme affair this morning, but she still makes a point to double check the lock on her door and inform the front desk that she'll fetch her next client herself before returning Edward's call.

He picks up right away, making her smile despite her nerves.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, it's me. I'm sorry I missed your call. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm so glad you called back though. It's been a hell of a morning."

"Oh?"

"Oh, yeah. I found out first thing this morning that my own sponsor is in jail for DUI and then..."

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry," she says, cutting him off in her surprise.

"Thank you. It was not a nice way to wake up."

"I can only imagine. Are you…all right?"

"Umm, I'm okay. I actually called about something else, to be honest. I might not have bothered you otherwise. I know you're at work."

"I am, but I don't have anybody for another twenty-seven minutes. I'm all yours until then."

He's quiet a moment and she cringes in embarrassment, dropping her head to the desk with a soft thunk. She hadn't meant to start flirting with him.

"Well, thanks," he finally answers, clearing his throat lightly. "I guess I should just get to the point though, twenty minutes isn't long."

"Twenty-seven minutes," she corrects, picking her head up from the desk.

"Right, so, um… my mother called me a little while ago and started ranting about…" He clears his throat again. "Well… if you can believe it, she called about your father. I don't suppose you've spoken with him today, have you?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I have. I was on the phone with him when you first called."

"Oh… so did he mention the situation with my mom?"

She laughs softly. "He might have."

"Great. And here I was hoping to get to you first."

"It's the thought that counts."

He sighs. "So what all do you know?"

She leans back in her chair. "Well, Charlie told me he pulled your mom over for running a red light this morning, at which point they apparently had some sort of misunderstanding because she thought he was targeting you specifically. I guess he was just surprised it wasn't you driving your car and she jumped to conclusions."

He chuckles lowly, but with little humor. "That sounds about right."

"Just out of curiosity, why was she driving your car?"

"She had a flat this morning and I was still dealing with the DUI drama, so I switched cars with her and offered to take care of the tire for her in exchange for her working this morning at the store. Monday is usually one of the days I work so she can have a day off, but I was going to be late with everything going on anyway."

"Ahh."

"Yeah. So… did your dad mention everything they discussed? Because apparently–"

"Esme's under the impression that we're dating?" she finishes for him. "Yes, my father did mention that."

"Oh."

Bella giggles softly, making Edward sigh.

"I suppose you'd like an explanation," he says.

"Well, I'm guessing it was a miscommunication, at least, I'm _hoping_ it is anyway."

"It is. Completely. I promise you."

"I believe you. You wanna share how that happened though? I was a little shell-shocked when Dad told me and to be honest, it sparked a little miscommunication of our own."

"What do you mean? He wasn't angry with _you_ was he?"

"He wasn't angry at all, he just decided to throw our 'Spring-Break-Shocker' back in my face again, said he wouldn't be happy if… Well, never mind that part, but let's just say he told me not to keep him in the dark in the future."

"Did he honestly think you and I would, I don't know… do something like that again?"

"Oh, no, I think he was just trying to make a point because he thought I'd been keeping things from him."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Honestly, I never once told her that I was seeing you in anyway outside of simple friendship. I was fairly clear about it too, not that I divulged a lot of details or anything, but…"

"Like I said, Edward, I believe you."

His relief is palpable even through the phone. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>Part Two coming soon. :)<strong>_


	28. Chapter 28

_**Hello Again… as promised, Part Two.**_

* * *

><p><em>Confessions…<em>

~(~)~

"Oh, would you tell Charlie I'm sorry about everything? I really don't know what got into my mom."

Bella nods, rocking slightly in her desk chair. "I'll tell him. And as for Esme, well…"

"What?"

"Well, I think it's possible that we've been concentrating so hard on ourselves these last few months, that maybe we didn't stop to think how things looked from the outside. You know, failing to see the forest through all the trees?"

"I guess so. Not that it's anyone's business."

"No, it's not," she agrees. "But we don't exist inside a bubble. We'll have to deal with other people eventually." Her mind darted to Alice even as Edward continued on.

"Well, I've dealt with my mom. I don't think she'll interfere with us again."

Lacking his confidence, she has to ask him, "What, um… what exactly did you say to her?"

He laughs humorlessly. "Well, for starters I told her she was way out of line with Charlie and that she had no right to speak out of turn about us like that. I also told her that there wasn't anything for her to concern herself with, that the things we have to reconcile are between us, and that I'd let her know when and if that changed."

"Wow… that was a good response."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely."

"I wish I could have been firmer. You know what she's like."

"I do, or at least I used to. But it sounds like you were actually very firm."

"Well, this is my mother we're talking about. Overbearing is just the tip of the iceberg with her, and that's on a good day. I love her, but God! There are times Bella when I swear _I'd_ divorce her if I could. I don't know how my father puts up with her the way he does."

"Hmm… well, I have no comment on that."

"No?" Edward chuckles.

"Trust me. You wouldn't want to hear my theory."

He laughs again, then grows more serious.

"That's really the reason I called you, you know. She was just… she was especially bad today. It was like I was fifteen all over again. I felt exactly like that kid again. For a few minutes, I even wanted to _be_ that kid again. You know… the one with _those_ friends and _those_ Friday nights that would just make it all go away and stick it to her in the worst way possible: Her golden boy getting high like a common junkie."

Bella shifts in her chair. "Is that really how you felt?"

"Oh, yeah. There was more to it, but that was a big part of it."

"I never realized."

"I know, sweetheart. If I was ever good at anything, it was acting like I was somebody other than who I truly was. I was very angry inside and expressed it in horribly destructive ways."

Her eyes grow moist, her heart clenching for the boy he'd been, for the pain he'd been in while the world thought he had it all. The fact he called her _sweetheart_ doesn't even register with her.

"How are you feeling now?" she asks, trying to move the conversation forward despite whatever desire she has to hash out more of the past.

"I'm okay. I mean, I can deal with my mom. I've learned to set boundaries with her, and I know I have a right not to have them crossed. She can be as overbearing as she wants to, but at the end of the day I don't have to listen to her ten-thousand questions, or her theories on what she thinks is really going on inside my head."

"No you don't," Bella says, frowning at the thought of Esme treating him that way. She also can't help but think that if that's what his mother's like on a regular basis, no wonder Esme and Carlisle split for a while.

Not surprisingly, Edward has one of his more intuitive moments.

"She's not usually _this_ bad anymore, Bella. I think with everything going on, she's slipped into mama-bear mode."

"Yeah, well, she's not the only one."

"Is that so?"

Bella's face heats to an alarming degree with the realization of what she's said. As if he knows, he laughs softly.

"It's okay. I think I know what you mean."

"I don't even know what I mean," she mutters.

He laughs again and then takes a slow breath Bella can hear through the phone.

"You've been a good friend to me, Isabella. And not just today…"

"Yeah, well, you're important to me, E. You always have been."

Her embarrassment ebbs some as she speaks the truth, then ratchets up when he answers in kind.

"I know, sweetheart. You, too."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>Aww…<strong>_

_**So, some feelings have been brought in to the mix, and we got a little more info about Esme and her issues. On that subject, I know a lot of people will judge her, but before you call her lots of nasty names just ask yourself if you've ever loved someone and still been completely oblivious to the way your actions and attitudes affect them. I promise you, there are no evil characters in this story, merely imperfect ones. Thanks for reading!  
><strong>_


	29. Chapter 29

_**Hey All… Been busy with my kids and working on Arms as well as my original. This is totally unbetad. I'm uploading on the fly as the library closes in 11 minutes. Let me know if I made an massive errors. Thanks! ;-)**_

* * *

><p><em>More Confessions…<em>

~(~)~

—

_To: EA Cullen [EAnonymousC(at) gmail(dot)com]  
>From: Isabella Swan [i9swan13(at) yahoo(dot)com]<br>Subject: Thoughts..._

—

_Hey E,_

_Pies are in the oven. Finally. It's been a crazy week and today was especially hectic. Two of our office staff called in "sick" but of course we all know how likely that is the day before Thanksgiving. More like they decided to start their holiday early, leaving the rest of the office in the lurch. I can't wait to see who's conveniently "sick" on Friday as well._

_Anyway, I'm sorry we haven't spoken since Monday, and I'm sorry I'm doing it via email now, but this is easier for me. I have a ton of things on my mind where you're concerned, and I'd rather sit down and try to sort them out this way than make a mess of a phone conversation. It seems like so much went unsaid the other day, even though we said a lot. Does it feel that way to you, too?_

_Maybe it doesn't, but I just know I've been doing a lot of thinking. I guess that's pretty obvious, lol, but even after all we've said this past week, I'm still unsure of where we stand exactly and what we're both hoping to get out of this new beginning. And, even though I know when we agreed that we would continue taking things one day at a time, I'm not sure that's something I can do anymore. Don't take that as a bad thing necessarily, I just feel like I've reached a point where that's impossible for me._

_Maybe that means I'm ready for more, or maybe it means I just need things defined. All I know is that I'm ready to think about it and, in light of this week's earlier misunderstanding between our parents, I think it important to be as honest as possible with each other about where we both stand and what we both want._

_Please don't freak out. I'm not asking you for an instant answer. If you don't have one, that's okay. I just need you to know where my mind is and open up a dialogue. I want to think about some of the harder things. I want to know what you want. I want to know what you think about when you're alone at night. I want to know what you think about when you imagine yourself in a year. In five... In ten… etc._

_Gosh, that's a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot._

_Maybe an easier question is whether or not you can see us being able to be just friends and to move on separately into our own hopeful futures._

_I like to think that I could do that. If it was what we both needed, I'd like to think that I could say that what we've rebuilt up until now is enough and just move on. I'd like to think that I'd be happy for you no matter where your life and your dreams take you from this point. I know I would be happy for you. Always. No matter what._

_So… that's a lot to leave you with. My pies are almost done and I really should send this before I make it worse. Or maybe not, maybe I should let this sit overnight and look at in the morning. What do you think?_

_I guess you can't give me advice if you're on the receiving end of this, huh? Crap…_

_I'm sending it._

_Take your time getting back to me, I realize I'm unloading on you. At least it's all out there now. :-)_

_Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Edward._

_Talk to you soon,_  
><em>Bella<em>

—

~(~)~


	30. Chapter 30

_**Sorry to leave everyone hanging. It was a busy day and I think I wrote about three different versions of this. I'm not quite as in touch with this Edward as I am with Bella. :)**  
><em>

_**Happy Reading!  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Complicated…<em>

~(~)~

—  
><em>To: Isabella Swan [i9swan13(at) yahoo(dot)com]<br>From: EA Cullen [EAnonymousC(at) gmail(dot)com]  
>Subject: Q&amp;A<br>—_

_Wow, Bella. _

_Way to give a guy a load to think about right in the middle of Sports Center! Does holiday baking always lead to this sort of thing with you? Should I be worried when you start in on the Christmas cookies? _

_Not that I should probably be joking about this. I'm sorry. Things are obviously on your mind and I'm being insensitive. That said, I'm not really sure what you're asking right now. _

_Do you want to know if I want to be more than friends? Or are you asking me if I'll be hurt or otherwise injured if that's all we ever are to each other? Or maybe you want the answer to both? I'll be happy to answer anything you ask, you know that; but you have to promise me something in return. _

_You have to promise to answer those same questions for yourself. You promise? Okay. :)_

_So… As far as I'm concerned, this thing between us has always been about what you wanted and needed, Bella. I got what I wanted when you forgave me. End of story. The fact that you're even willing to think about being a fixture in my life in any way, even as "just friends", is more than I ever expected. So, would I be okay if that's all we ever were? Yes, I would be more than okay with that._

_As for the other question, that's… complicated. _

_The truth is, I've never been interested in romantic relationships that weren't going anywhere. But since I've been clean, I've also never been able to get past the idea that entering into a romantic relationship with someone means exposing them to all my shit and burdening them with my addiction. If I ever met someone I cared for in that way, I feel like I'd be doing them an injustice to pursue them. If I really, truly loved them, I'd want better for them than being with someone like myself. _

_But then, we're not talking in hypotheticals, are we? We're talking about you. You, Isabella. _

_You, who already knows the worst of the worst. You, who's already seen me at my lowest. You, who knows just how far I'm capable of falling and what's at risk if I slip up someday. Just being you, just knowing me the way you do and having witnessed my past first hand; you take away so many of my objections to having that kind of relationship. _

_But there's the flip side of that coin to consider. _

_I love you. I do, and I love you enough not to want to take the chance that I might hurt you again. I love you enough to wish a better life for you than the one I can give you. _

_So, do I want more than to be "just friends"? _

_I honestly don't know. _

_I'm scared as all hell to think about you, or want you that way. I'm scared to mess this up and lose what we have now. But, if I was ever going to take that step with someone—with anyone at all—it would be with you. _

_Today, tomorrow, ten years from now… it would still be you, Bella. _

_Your turn,  
>Edward <em>

—

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>;-)<strong>_


	31. Chapter 31

_**I had a few minutes, so here's a little more. **  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Eclipse…<em>

~(~)~

Once again his timing is incredible. She's only just laid down for the night when she hears her computer ping.

It's late, she's been up far too long baking and obsessing about the email she sent him. She remained logged in to her email all night just in case his response was quick. But for all the times she'd checked since sending that fateful message, no response came.

Until now.

Her bare feet brush against the carpet as she sits on the edge of her bed, giving herself a moment just to breathe.

Does she want to do this now? It's nearly two in the morning. What if it's bad news? What if she made a mistake and ruined everything? What if…

What if he _does _want more from her?

Far too anxious to even entertain the thought of sleep, she stands and makes her way to the desk. It only takes a second or two to bring the screen come to life, but she holds her breath as she squints against the sudden brightness. Once her eyes adjust, she moves her mouse over the minimized browser window in front of her and clicks.

One new message.

Before she can even open it, her cheeks flame and her heart pounds in her chest. Perhaps it's in remembered embarrassment at the content of her own email, perhaps it's something else. She only knows she feels a lot like a teenager again. Excited, scared, anxious, uncertain… silly.

It's as if the entire world revolves around the words she's about to read across the screen, which she promptly tells herself is ridiculous. But then, this is the danger where Edward is concerned.

He eclipses everything else when she allows it.

And right now, at two o'clock in the morning the night before she's supposed to host Thanksgiving dinner for a small group of friends and co-workers who have nowhere else to go, she's allowing it.

~(~)~


	32. Chapter 32

_**Quick thing: I made a mistake with the timeline of the story in my haste to post the last couple blurbs. To correct that, Chapter 29 "Thanksgiving" is now titled "More Confessions" as it takes place the night before Thanksgiving & not actually on Thanksgiving; and Chapter 30, "Black Friday" is now titled "Complicated" because that one ended up taking place very early in the morning of Thanksgiving and not on Friday. Today's Chapter is appropriately titled, "Giving Thanks," and I think it speaks for itself as to when it takes place. Sorry for the confusion. **_

_**Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and recommending! It means a lot. :-)  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Giving Thanks…<em>

~(~)~

His phone is burning a hole in his pocket. He's served fifty-three more meals to the homeless and less-fortunate of Clallam County since it first buzzed inside the soft denim of his favorite jeans. He wants to stop what he's doing and check it, but the line is out the door this year, and there are too many familiar faces in it to take the a break right now.

The wait is driving him absolutely crazy.

Next to him, his father notices. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"You're fidgeting. What's up?"

"It's nothing. It's stupid."

Dr. Cullen doesn't respond, instead shifting his attention back to the young woman standing in front of them, her plate outstretched.

Several long minutes later they're in need of more potatoes and Edward quickly volunteers.

Once again, the elder Cullen notices. "Son…"

"I'm fine, Dad," he insists. "I'll tell you about it later."

He will, at least, when he knows what there is to tell. _If _there's anything to tell; just because he has a new email doesn't mean it's from Bella.

He hopes it's from Bella.

The industrial style kitchen of the community center is a blur of activity even this late into the day's meal. He finds the person in charge of washing dishes and drops off the dirty serving container before ducking out the back door into the parking lot behind the shelter.

Thanking God for the invention of the Smart Phone, he quickly finds a spot against the painted brick wall and opens the email app before his absence is noticed.

His eyes flicker over the sender and the subject line.

He smiles.

He's still smiling when someone inside yells something about potatoes and he has to shove his phone back in his pocket. He's still smiling when he returns to the line with more mashed potatoes. And he's still smiling when his father finally jabs him in the side and warns him that his mother just walked in the door with an armload of pies.

"Don't let her catch you looking like that unless you're ready to talk about it."

He laughs and then straightens his expression. "Right. Thanks."

"No problem, kiddo. Just clue me in sometime, would you?"

"Sure, Dad."

With a wink from one and a grateful nod from the other, the two men go back to their duties.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>I know, I know… more teasing. At least it's not a "telephonic cliffie," as one reader so eloquently put it. And a happy Edward can't be a bad thing, right?<strong>_

_**More soon. **_


	33. Chapter 33

_**A little more. Operative word= little. ;-)**  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Enough Said…<em>

~(~)~

"So, what did you say?"

Bella shrugs, still methodically scrubbing the last of the pots and pans from the day's meal. "I didn't say much. I sent my reply about ten minutes before you guys got here."

"You didn't blow him off, did you?" Tia asks, taking a colander from the drying rack and patting it down with a towel.

"No, of course not. After the things he wrote?" She shakes her head, fighting back another wave of emotion just at the thought of his words. "No, I answered him, but I left it kind of up in the air still."

"How so?"

Bella shrugs, finding it hard to describe.

"You're killing me here, Bella!"

Tia's voice makes her smile. "Give me a second here and I'll show you."

She turns the hot water back on and lifts the soaped up roasting dish in front of her from one side of the sink to the other to rinse it. Tia clears the drying rack for her, working quickly to help finish the dishes.

Several minutes later, after refilling Benjamin's coffee and saying goodbye to the last of her other guests, Bella leads Tia into her room.

She sits at her desk. "Let me just log on."

Tia places a hand on the back of Bella's chair, leaning in a bit. "Cute wallpaper," she comments, pointing at the desktop.

Bella smiles at her own image smiling back at her; or rather, she smiles at the big, rust-colored canine in the picture with her.

"Thanks, that's Rusty."

"I figured."

"Here it is," she says a moment later, having opened the email in question.

Tia laughs. "That's it? That's what you had me all worked up over?"

Bella smiles. "I told you I didn't say much. He said enough for both of us."

"Yeah, yeah… let me read."

—

_To: EA Cullen [EAnonymousC(at) gmail(dot)com]  
>From: Isabella Swan [i9swan13(at) yahoo(dot)com]<br>Subject: My Turn Indeed_

_Edward, _

_How am I supposed to follow a speech like that? I've been up half the night just thinking of it and… __wow__. _

_Anyway, if my first email didn't make it clear, then my answers are as follows. _

_1) I don't know yet.  
>-and-<br>2) No. _

_Should there be any confusion about which answer goes to what question, call me later tonight. I should be able to talk after eight or so. _

_Until then… _

_Yours,  
>Bella<em>

—

* * *

><p><em><strong>I know, I know... you were probably like Tia; expecting more out of that email. Who knows why Edward was so happy about that? Well, I do, but I'm not telling yet. <strong>_

_**More tomorrow. **_

_**oxox  
>Ginnie<br>**_


	34. Chapter 34

_**Sorry this took a few days. I've been busy, busy. This is short, but it's something. **  
><em>

_**Disclaimer: I still do not own these characters, nor was it my idea to take them out of the world of Twilight and stick them in the "All-Human" world. I'm just playing along. ;-)  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Surprise…<em>

~(~)~

She's successfully surprised him. His continued silence is evidence enough that he wasn't expecting to see her here.

Her cheeks flood with color. "Should I have called first?"

He sputters, trying to make his gaping mouth function. "I… No… You're fine. Just…" He shakes his head, genuinely confused. "What are you doing here?"

She smiles bashfully, shrugging. "Dad and Sue convinced me to come down for the weekend. Sue's son just finished law enforcement academy and they're having a celebratory thing for him this afternoon."

She places two cardboard to-go cups from the local coffee shop across the street—the same one she'd first seen him in all those months ago—on the counter and adjusts her bag on her shoulder.

"I hope it's okay I came," she says when he remains silent.

"No, yeah, no…" He rolls his eyes at himself, chuckles, then takes a deep breath and starts again. "Sorry. It's more than okay. It's great. I'm just shocked to see you."

"I hope it's a good shock and not a bad one," she says quietly.

He makes his way around the counter housing the cash register, his face recovered, but still curious.

"Of course it's good. Why didn't you tell me you were coming though?"

She shrugs. "It was sort of last minute, and I guess I was hoping to surprise you."

"Well, mission accomplished."

He smiles his crooked smile and she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. For a long moment they stand in silence, eyes locked, without the slightest idea of what to say next.

"Is one of these for me?" Edward asks finally, indicating the coffee cups.

Bella blinks rapidly, trying to remember herself; trying to remember what it was she came here for and what she planned to say to him. Even after two weeks of phone conversations and emails about a possible reconciliation between the two of them, she still feels completely unprepared. She can't keep her thoughts from darting around.

What had he asked her about?

Oh, right, the coffee. She smiles and shakes her head as if to clear it.

"Uh… yeah, this one is for you. House Blend with two sugars, right?"

He takes the proffered cup in awe. "That's right."

She shrugs, embarrassed. "You mentioned it in your emails."

He grins and inhales the steam rising from the opening in the lid appreciatively. "Thank you. I'm supposed to be doing the books today."

He makes a face and she giggles.

"You mentioned that in your email as well."

"Right," he says. "I forgot."

"It's okay," she answers, glancing up into his eyes again.

They're a force to be reckoned with, those eyes of his. Like magnets, they pull her in. She never fails to be caught off guard by the depth and intensity of them. She has to chastise herself for the way her heart speeds up as she stares up at him.

He stares right back down. She doesn't know his heart is beating fast, too. She doesn't realize that her eyes draw him in as well. She can't see how one look from her can make him forget where he is and what he's doing.

That is until the bell on the shop door jingles.

Edward blinks and glances around.

He's very glad the store only opened a half-hour ago and no one is around to scrutinize them— save the individual who just walked in the door. Edward doesn't recognize the woman, but that's just fine by him. The only thing that really matters at this point is that it's _not_ his mother.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>I realize this is also a bit of a tease, but I promise it's not intentional. <strong>_

_**I'm just out of time for this morning and the second bit isn't finished yet. **_

_**Until then...  
><strong>_

_**Thank you for reading & thank you so much for all your reviews. I wish I had more time on the computer each day to reply to them all. You guys have been wonderful!  
><strong>_


	35. Chapter 35

_**Longer than usual this time. I hope you enjoy it and thank you again for the wonderful, heartfelt response to this story. **_

_**Also, I'd like to thank **__Shasta53__** for recommending "A Broken Hallelujah" this week! I'm so thankful to her and her readers, who hopped right over, read and reviewed. I'm very humbled. To everyone else, thank you for your continued support and if you'd like to check out Shasta's story, it's called "Stolen Dreams." (Story ID: 7360793)  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>…<p>

~(~)~

Edward's next patron was a soft spoken out-of-towner looking for souvenir books on the Olympic Peninsula and its temperate rainforests. Once he was shown where to look, he happily busied himself while Bella and Edward chatted quietly in the reading area at the back of the store. A conveniently placed mirror allowed Edward to keep an eye on the door.

"Are you sure you don't need me to go?"

"Nah, I sit back here with my laptop almost all day on Mondays." He plops into a chair and gestures to the one across from him.

Bella smiles and sits. "Okay."

"So…" he says in teasing tone.

"So," she repeats, taking a strategically timed sip of her coffee.

Edward chuckles and glances up at the mirror briefly. "Did you have a purpose for stopping by? Or just to be nice and bring me coffee?"

"Um, well, mostly just to be nice, but I did kinda want to see you first before going to my dad's."

Edward raises an eyebrow, intrigued.

"Well, it's just…" Bella adds quickly. "Unless my father is completely and totally distracted by Seth all weekend, he'll probably ask about you. In fact, I'm pretty much betting on it, so I wanted to check in with you first."

"Are you worried about how he'll react?"

"No, not really. I think we've made the best decision possible. If I were counseling us anyway, I'd recommend this course, and I think he'll understand and respect that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, we've agreed not to rush things; to seek out counseling, both individually and together; and, in the meantime, not to see anyone else out of respect for each other."

She glances up at him very briefly, her voice a bit shaky now. Edward can see she's more nervous and uncertain about that last bit than she's letting on.

He smiles encouragingly. "Definitely not."

Her eyes soften. "Exactly."

They stare at each other a while longer before she moves on.

"Anyway, I was planning on being as honest as possible with him, or as honest as you're comfortable with. I just wanted to ask first."

She looks down at her coffee while giving him time to process and respond. Edward sighs at the sight the color blooming in her cheeks and shakes his head.

"Bella, he's _your_ father. Tell him what you're comfortable telling him. Don't worry about what I think."

She nods, smiling gratefully. "Easier said than done, but thanks."

Edward gives a lopsided grin. "You're welcome. And just 'FYI'…I'm not planning to mention anything to my mom anytime soon. In case you were wondering."

His face and matter-of-fact tone make Bella giggle. "She's _your_ mother, E. Whatever you think is best."

He smiles, glancing up at the mirror again before continuing. "I have talked to my dad about things a little bit. That's okay with you, right?"

"Of course," she answers quickly. She immediately wants to ask him what he's told his father about them, but doesn't.

Movement near the register catches Edward's eye.

"I'll be right back."

Bella nods and watches him go. Once he's past the closest row of bookshelves, she can't see him without craning her neck uncomfortably, but she can hear him as he greets his customer.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"A few things, as a matter of fact," the gentleman answers.

"Wonderful. My mother will be very pleased."

Bella smiles and hears the man chuckle. "Family business?"

"Yes, sir."

There's a moment or two of silence and then Edward gives the man his total. Bella has to bite her lip and muffle a giggle as the reality of the current situation hits her. Her college educated ex-actor of an ex-husband is working retail and doing a damn fine job of it, too, from what she can tell. He's polite, warm and friendly, making his patron laugh a few more times before she hears the jingle of the door again.

Edward returns to find her smiling widely, her eyes twinkling in amusement.

"What?"

"You're adorable."

He sits down with a confused smile. "How so?"

"I just never thought you'd be so good at this sort of thing. When you told me you were helping your mom out with the store I just thought it was the business side, and _maybe_ stocking the top shelves for her."

Edward chuckles. "Well, I do that, too."

Bella eyes him appreciatively. "You seem happy here. You sort of made it sound like an obligation when you first told me about it."

"It is an obligation, but when it's just me, and the books, and the occasional customer? I don't mind it so much. Plus, I'm only here two or three days a week tops."

"Just you and the books, huh?"

He smirks and shrugs. "Yeah, well, you know… They're quiet when I want it quiet and very insightful once you get them going."

She laughs, her head tipping back in her enthusiasm. "That's good."

He dips his head, smirking. "Thank you very much."

When she has her amusement under control, she asks, "What was the last book you read?"

He inhales slowly, his smile turning slightly embarrassed after a moment. "Uh… The Hunger Games."

She blinks at him. "Seriously?"

"Well, every time I called it seemed like you were reading it. Not to mention it's one of our top-sellers these days."

"I get it. What did you think of it?"

He sits back and shrugs. "It was decent. I'll be interested to see whether or not they botch the screenplay for it."

She laughs. "You would be concerned with that."

"Old habits die hard."

She shakes her head. "Well, you won't have to wait too long to find out. The movie comes out in March, I think."

"Yeah, I Googled that." He seems like he wants to say more.

She shrugs, perhaps a little too casually. "We could go together if you want to? To see it?"

He nods, also very casually. "That might be fun."

"Really?"

"Really."

They're both quiet a beat. Bella checks her watch.

"Do you have to go now?"

"Not yet. My dad won't expect me for another half-hour or so."

Edward nods and checks the mirror, just to be sure he didn't miss anyone coming in.

"How's _your_ screenplay coming along?" Bella asks when he looks back.

He sighs. "It's done, but… I don't know. I'm not sure I like the way I ended it. Or, rather, I'm not sure an audience will like the way I ended it."

"Have you had anyone take a look at it yet?"

"No, not yet. I thought it might be easier to get an adaptation looked at first. I know I have a name in the industry that might open a few doors, but I'm not sure how beneficial that will be beyond that point. I want to show them something I know they'll want to make."

The sound of jingling bells interrupts Bella's reply. Edward looks up and then glances back at Bella. "Stay here a minute. It's Mrs. Cope."

Bella's eyes widen and she nods in agreement. As long as either of them can remember, Mrs. Cope has been one of the most notorious gossips in town. She's also, unfortunately, friends with Esme Cullen.

Bella listens as Mrs. Cope pretends to be disappointed that her old friend isn't in today, but as Edward interacts with the woman for the next ten minutes or so, she gets the idea that the old bitty knew perfectly well who was manning the shop today. It's a little bit amusing, but she can tell Edward is annoyed with the continued attempts to draw out their conversation.

At one point, Bella even has to rush to the restroom when Mrs. Cope feigns interest in something "over by the reading area." Edward's voice is fortunately loud enough for Bella to realize it's a warning.

She hears the sound of the front door opening and closing a few minutes later, but stays in the bathroom until Edward knocks.

"Bella, it's me. You can come out now."

As soon as she has the door open, they both burst into a fit of laughter.

"Wow, E. I think she still has a little thing for you."

Edward tries to look affronted, but fails. Instead, he smiles rather deviously.

"Careful… I might have to go find Mr. Varner and tell him you're in town for the weekend."

Bella gapes at him. "You… you are horrible."

Edward laughs. "Turnabout is fair play, my dear."

"Eww," Bella says, even the thought of their old math teacher grossing her out. "Is he still working at the high school?"

"Believe or not, I think he is."

"How is that possible? He was just…completely inappropriate."

Edward has another laugh at her discomfort, but sighs when the front door opens again.

"I should probably go," Bella says softly.

"I guess so. It's Saturday, it'll only get busier from here on out."

Bella nods. "I'm sure it will."

"Thank you so much for the coffee, and the surprise. It made my day."

Once again, she gets more than a little caught up in his gaze. "Mine, too."

He smiles—_that_ smile—and offers her his hand. "Come on, I'll walk you to the door."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>No need to panic. That last patron was not Esme either. We won't meet her for a while, I think.;-)<strong>_

_**FYI- There will not be any updates the rest of the weekend. I'll be attending a dance competition both days with my kiddos. See you next week!  
><strong>_

_**~Ginnie  
><strong>_


	36. Chapter 36

_**I have no idea what took me so long to get to this. The days just keep flying by way too fast. Anyway, we last left off with Bella surprising Edward with coffee. Here's a little bit of the rest of Bella's weekend in Forks. **_

* * *

><p><em>TMI…<em>

~(~)~

The room is silent, save the sound of the coffee maker on the counter behind them. She listens to its slow sputtering and counts her breaths waiting for a response. It takes her father a bit longer than she thought it would to respond. She'd honestly believed this wouldn't exactly be a surprise to him, but now she's wondering if she was wrong.

Just as she opens her mouth to ask him to say something, he clears his throat and taps his fingers on the well-worn table top. "Are you sure about this, Bella? You think you could be happy with him again? Forgive… _everything_?"

She nods softly. "I think so. I'm going to try."

"Sue won't like this. She doesn't like it already."

"I figured as much."

"Your mother probably wouldn't have been too thrilled either."

Bella frowns. "You don't know that, Dad."

Charlie sighs and gets up to poor them both a cup of coffee now that it's finished brewing. "Have you been to see her lately?"

"No," she admits. "It's hard to find time to get away. I barely make it down here to see you."

"Well, when you get the time, let me know if you need help with paying for a ticket. Going to talk things over with her always seemed to be important to you in the past, especially when making big decisions."

She nods, sighing. "I stopped visiting her around the time I left Edward. She's just too close to where we were living back then."

Charlie sits back down after setting her coffee down in front of her and putting the creamer and a spoon on the table as well.

"I should have brought her back up here for you. I know she said she didn't want that, but regardless of how much she loved the sun, she had friends here. She had us."

Bella smiles lightly, loving that he still includes himself in that statement even after remarrying. She stirs some creamer into her coffee. "It's hard to believe it's been twelve years."

"Yes, it is."

They're both quiet, each of them sipping their coffee.

Bella's the first to break the silence. "You know… Mom used to say that love wasn't really worth it if there wasn't some risk involved. She told me once that knew she was taking a huge chance when she met and married you out of the blue, but just because it didn't work out for you two, that didn't mean it wasn't worth it to her. She was unhappy in Forks, she hated it here, but she loved _you_, and you gave her me. She never regretted that."

Charlie shakes his head, his eyes locked firmly on his coffee. "I never regretted that either. I never regretted her."

"I know." She takes a deep breath and kicks his shoe under the table, eliciting a small smile from him. "You still haven't told me your opinion, you know. You dragged Mom and Sue into this, but you never said what you think about everything."

Charlie's lips quirk beneath his mustache again. "Noticed that, did you?"

"Dad…"

He sighs again and shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Does it matter what I think?"

"It won't change anything, no, but I'd like to know how you feel about it."

"I like Edward, you know that."

"Uh-huh."

"And he's really changed. I'm really proud of him. He's got a good life here now and he's worked hard for it."

"But…"

"But I could say the exact same thing about you and I just don't want either one of you to get hurt again. Especially _you_."

She sighs. "There's a chance of getting hurt in any relationship, Dad. Even in a friendship, which is all there is between us at the moment."

He frowns at her. "You're never just friends with someone you used to be married to, Bella. Trust me."

"You and Mom were friends."

"Like I said, trust me."

Bella stops and stares at her father with wide eyes. "Are you… Are you saying that…?" At Charlie's raised eyebrow, she waves her hands in the air and stands abruptly from the table. "You know what? I don't want to know."

Charlie's deep chuckle haunts her all the way up the stairs.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>So, some of you guessed it, but yes, Renee is deceased in this story. She also never remarried and Charlie spent a lot of time in Phoenix before her passing. (Like Bella, take that for what you will.) He flew back and forth during various stages of her treatment and when she made the decision to stop fighting the cancer and just enjoy the rest of her time, he was there to support both her and Bella. He was with them when Renee passed and then brought Bella back to Forks with him to live. They are both at peace with her passing, and while it's not terribly important to the rest of the story, I just thought some of you might like to know. :-)<strong>_

_**Thank you so much for reading!**_

~Ginnie


	37. Chapter 37

_**I know, I know... it's been a while. I've had all creativity sucked out of me by real life drama, but somehow, I keep plugging away. This little drabble, short as it is, is dedicated to patient and supportive readers everywhere. You all are the best! **_

_**PS- I still don't own. ;-)**_

* * *

><p><em>Wake-up Call...<em>

~(~)~

She realizes she's dreaming when the coffee grinder in the employee lounge comes on by itself yet again. For one, they don't have a coffee grinder in the employee lounge at work; and for two, the sound it's making isn't quite loud enough to actually be a coffee grinder. Instead of the infernal racket those things usually make, this one is softly buzzing.

_Buzz…_

_Buzz…_

Stretching her hand out beside her, she fails to find what she's looking for on the nightstand. She slides her arm under her pillow to search for it there, but with no luck.

Her phone continues to vibrate on and off from somewhere nearby, but Bella's too groggy to actually open her eyes to look for it. Eventually, her fingers skim over the cool surface of the touchscreen, but not before she's missed the call completely.

She rolls onto her back and sighs, opening one eye to see who it was. A smile lights her sleepy face despite the early hour.

_Edward._

Turning onto her side, she snuggles down into her pillow and dials him back.

"Merry Christmas, sleepyhead."

Her smile widens, though her eyes remain closed. "Do you have any idea how early it is?"

"I actually didn't realize it until I called and you didn't answer. We've been up since before six here."

She groans. "Ugh… Why?"

"Well, their names are Colby, Caleb and Toni, and they were a _little bit_ excited about Santa Claus."

Bella giggles. "Lucky you."

He chuckles. "Yeah... but I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's okay."

"I'll let you get back to sleep now. Lord knows if I hadn't chugged down three cups of coffee just to make it through opening presents, I'd be headed there myself."

She yawns and nods her head, despite the fact he can't see her. "Did the kids have a good time?"

"Oh, yeah. Mom and Dad went nuts. Rosalie isn't speaking to them at the moment though because they bought Toni an iPod Touch, which I guess Rose told them she wasn't old enough for. Mom claims that Rose never said anything and Rose says she specifically forbade it. I think Emmett is somehow to blame, but in any event, Toni's too excited now for anyone to want to take it away from her."

"Ahh… good old family drama."

"You know it."

They both laugh quietly. Bella sighs contentedly; warm and comfortable in her own bed, but there with Edward in her mind. She's not at all ready for anything like that yet, but it's so good to know he has a strong relationship with his family and that, for the most part anyway, everyone is healthy and happy.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>I'm really, really going to try to get the next bit of this out tonight or tomorrow. <strong>_

_**Thanks for sticking with me!  
>~Ginnie<strong>_


	38. Chapter 38

_**Well, first of all, I made a mistake a few chapters back that confused a few of you. I've since gone back and added one word to the beginning of Chapter 35 that ought to fix that for future readers. But for the rest of you... my apologies. I guess I probably should be having this beta'd, but for now, I kind of like living on the edge this way. ;-)**_

_**Also, thank you so, so, so much for your reviews! They mean a lot to me right now, and I'm very grateful. Now, on with the drabble!**_

* * *

><p><em>Pillow Talk...<em>

~(~)~

"So what time did you get into town yesterday?" he asks softly.

"I texted you, you goof. It was around three, I think."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot with everything going on."

She laughs under her breath. "I kind of figured that."

"I'm sorry. It's been a madhouse around here, and, as I recall now, Alice was with me when your text came in."

"Were you afraid she'd wrench the phone out of your hands if you checked it?"

"Something like that," he chuckles.

Bella smiles, but feels a rush of anxiety. "I'm not causing any problems am I?"

"Don't be silly. Alice may not be able to hide her interest in what's going on between us, but she does know how to hold her tongue. She hasn't said anything and she won't."

"I emailed her finally. Did she tell you that?"

"She mentioned it on the ride back from the airport."

"That's it? It hasn't come up otherwise?"

Edward chuckles lowly. "No. Are you worried?"

"Of course I am."

"Why?"

She shifts under the covers, looking over her shoulder to make sure her bedroom door is closed.

"For the same reasons you were freaked out the first time you saw Charlie after I told him we were... _talking_."

He laughs again. "So you're afraid one of my family members will threaten to arrest you or pull a firearm on you if you step out of line?"

She rolls her eyes, but smiles as she settles back against her pillow. "You're incorrigible."

"What? That honestly ran through my mind."

She giggles. "Well, I guess if I bumped into your mom it might run through my mind, too."

He answers with laughter of his own. "See?"

"I've missed this," she says quietly. "I've missed you. I feel like we've hardly spoken since I was here a couple of weeks ago."

"I know. Me too, sweetheart. "

She sighs, her heart racing and mind swimming at the endearment. It's still strange to be this way with him again. It's all so new, and yet strangely familiar. It unsettles her, much in the way any new relationship she's attempted has. None of them lasted very long, which only adds to her unease. She has no confidence in herself when it comes to men. She's never really learned to trust her instincts or her ability to set healthy boundaries. To this day she feels that skill remains largely untested, and there's a part of her that is deeply afraid of falling back into old habits.

"Hey... Did you fall asleep on me over there?"

"No," she says not offering anything else.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Just... heavy thoughts."

"Hmm... Well, it's Christmas. There's none of that today. Okay?"

She smiles. "Okay. Are we still on for tomorrow?"

"Absolutely. As long as you're still up for it."

"I can't wait."

"You wanna know something?" he asks somewhat conspiratorially.

"What?" she replies, amused.

"I can't wait either."

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>Nope, sorry, no hints as to what they're up to. I'd love to hear your guesses though! ;-)<strong>_

_**More tomorrow. **_


	39. Chapter 39

_**Loved the guesses as to where they were going! No one got it right, but that's okay. Let's just get to it and reveal the answer now!  
><strong>_

_**PS- I still don't own anything, nor make a profit from my obsession in any way. ;-)**_

* * *

><p><em>Fieldtrip...<em>

~(~)~

The wind is sharp, making the normally baby-fine mist sting as it hits her face. The afternoon is also much colder than she's accustomed to. Fortunately for her, her gallant companion has an umbrella and his car waiting nearby with the heater on.

"Thank you," she says as she slides into the passenger seat. He nods and smiles, closing the door behind her as soon as both feet are clear.

He moves quickly around to the driver's side and gets in, grumbling playfully.

"It really needs to warm up or drop a few more degrees out there. Snow would be better than this icy rain crap."

She giggles, but shakes her head. "Bite your tongue, please. Snow is the last thing we need today."

He just chuckles and shakes a few more icy water droplets off his hair and shoulders. "All wheel drive, baby. Snow isn't a problem. This rain though..." He looks out the window, suddenly concerned. "If it starts freezing..."

She smiles softly and clicks her seatbelt into place. "We'll be careful."

He follows her example and then puts two hands on the wheel. "Yes, we will."

They're silent as he backs out of the gravel drive and points the car down the street. Bella can't help but feel a little odd. It's a lot like their first date all over again. They'd been friends for a while and knew each other pretty well, but when he finally got around to taking her out on an official date, there was some initial weirdness.

She laughs under her breath, remembering the awkward conversation they had on their way to the local bowling alley.

"What are you laughing about over there?" he asks, glancing at her from the corner of his eye.

"Us. Do you remember the first time you picked me up from Charlie's?"

"For school?" She doesn't notice but his face is scrunched up slightly as he tries to recall the same memory that came so easily to her.

"No, for our first date. The bowling alley?"

He takes a moment to put the memories in the right order, but eventually smiles. "Yeah. You would barely look at me and I had no idea what to do or say. I was so nervous."

She grins, feeling her cheeks warm in remembrance. "I don't know why. I was so obviously infatuated with you."

"Well, in case you've forgotten, the feeling was completely mutual and I didn't want to mess it up or say the wrong thing."

"Me either. Feels kind of familiar, doesn't it?"

He comes to a stop at an intersection and looks at her. "Does it?"

"You're not nervous this time?" she asks in lieu of answering.

"No. Well, I mean, I am to a degree, but that's not why I was quiet."

"Oh." She looks out the side window, wondering if she should ask him what he was thinking. He makes her decision easy by elaborating on his own.

"I was trying to decide whether we'd have time to stop for coffee before we should head out of town, or if we should just get to Port Angeles and hit Starbucks if we have time left once we're there. You know... with the weather and everything?"

"Of course," she answers, feeling a little foolish.

"Why? What did you think I was thinking about?"

She shrugs. "I just wondered if it felt at all awkward to you, picking me up from my dad's place again. Like old times."

He glances at her briefly and smiles. "Not really. It feels different to me. You're different. I'm different."

She nods. "True."

"I get why it may be harder for you to separate the past from the present though. After all, you didn't have your brain scrambled like I did."

Her head whips around in an instant. It's the first time he's made light of his overdose and subsequent stroke in her presence and it's impossible to hide her shock.

He looks from the road to her and then back again quickly. "Sorry. Too soon?"

She closes her gaping mouth and then opens it again, but still fails to find voice for her thoughts.

He grows worried the longer she's silent. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just with Emmett here, and Rosalie... I mean, she's usually pretty blunt, and even though it bothers Mom, Dad tends to be the same way; just... more so with them around."

"It's okay, Edward. I just... I wasn't expecting that from you. You've been so serious about it this whole time that I was caught off guard."

"I'm really sorry if—"

"No, it's okay for you to find some levity in your situation. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Maybe not, but if it bothers you..."

"It's fine, E. Really." She takes a risk and reaches for his hand on the gearshift, squeezing it once gently.

He watches her from the corner of his eye a moment longer, then answers her squeeze with one of his own.

She takes her hand back and relaxes into her seat as she takes a slow breath.

She's had plenty of patients who like to joke, or make light of their various situations. She knows that some of them do it to avoid taking responsibility or admitting the seriousness of their problems, and some do it because they've already done the hard work and are on their way to accepting their new normal. Some of them, in the face of less than perfect circumstances, need the humor as an outlet. She's just glad she can spot the difference.

Not that Edward makes it hard to. He's so transparent now. He faces things head on and with an openness and humility she finds inspiring. He also makes a point to never let himself forget where he's been or what his addiction almost cost him—which is why they're currently on their way to Port Angeles to begin with.

With that thought, Bella looks out the windshield to see how much longer it will be until they get where they're going.

"So..." she says, once she sees they have at least a half hour left. "Tell me the names of your friends at the rehab center again. I may not have had my brain scrambled, but I was born with some sort of defect when it comes to remembering names."

This time, it's Edward's turn to look gobsmacked. His shock quickly turns to humor, however, and he starts laughing. Bella joins him; her softer, more feminine laughter telling him that she really is okay with his earlier slip. Relieved, he launches into a list of his acquaintances at Crestwood Rehabilitation Center. He's been a volunteer there even longer than he's been volunteering to help feed the homeless on major holidays.

"I don't get up there as often as I should anymore. I've just gotten so busy lately. I'm lucky enough not to have to have to worry too much about the size of my paycheck, but I still have to work. You know?"

"Oh, I know," she laughs. "You are lucky though. I mean, I don't know that I'd want to trade places with you, but it would be nice not to have to worry about rent every month."

"I bet," he says, his face growing pensive. "You know..." He trails off and then sighs before shaking his head. "Never mind."

Bella regards him in surprise. It's not like him to hold back. At least, not in the recent past.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

She huffs delicately. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you can tell me."

He grins at her tone. "That's not the problem. I know I can tell you, I just don't want to make you mad."

A single eyebrow arches. "Why would I be mad?"

He shakes his head, still smiling. "Forget it."

She purses her lips and turns in her seat a little to face him. "Tell me."

"You won't like it," he says tauntingly.

She crosses her arms over her chest. "Now you have to tell me."

He laughs. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."

She waits, her mouth curving into a victorious smile—until he begins speaking again, anyway.

"I was thinking that you never asked for anything when we divorced, and I— I always felt like..." He takes a deep breath and rushes the rest of it out before she can react. "I always felt guilty about that. You left your car, all the furniture and appliances, your jewelry... just... everything."

He glances at her and seeing that she's still stunned, he continues.

"I was going to say that if, you know, if you ever need anything, that I'm sure I owe you—"

"Don't," she stops him. "You were right. I don't really want to hear that."

They're both quiet a moment, each taking note of the fact that they're nearing civilization once more.

"Are you mad?" he asks, somewhat hesitantly.

She feels her lips curve into a small smile and shakes her head. "No. You did warn me."

"I _tried_."

Her smile grows some. "It's okay. I appreciate the thought, as I appreciate your concern about my financial situation, but I think it's best to leave the past in the past."

He nods, letting out a relieved breath. That's just what he'd been thinking when he stopped himself from saying anything to her about their divorce.

"I'm sorry I pushed it," she says softly.

His face fills with affection. "I have a feeling you wouldn't be you if you didn't."

She starts nodding in agreement without even thinking about it. "Yeah, I guess."

The car slows as they approach the city limits and the first of a string of traffic lights. When they stop at a red one, they both turn to look at each other. He speaks first.

"Does that count as our first fight?"

"Fight?" she asks, amused. "No, that was more of a... disagreement I think, and not a very big one at that. It was more of an uncomfortable topic, really."

He nods. "Good point."

She watches him just sitting there watching her and feels a swell of emotion rise up inside her. She knows they'll have to figure out how they'll deal with their shared past in light a possible shared future, but for now she's more than content with small victories like this one. For her, just listening to each other and respecting each other's limits is a very big deal.

Smiling, she brushes a loose thread off of his shoulder. "Thank you."

"For what?"

She shrugs. "For listening to me. For bringing with you today to meet your friends. For trying as hard as you are. Take your pick."

He grins, that lopsided grin, and his cheeks turn a very subtle shade of pink. "You're welcome, but... really, thank you for coming with me today."

"I'm honored you asked."

He turns back to the road and smiles wider, shaking his head. "Don't give me too much credit. I'm being selfish. I wanted to spend time with you and figured I needed a damn good excuse to get us both away from our families the day after Christmas."

"So you don't want me to meet your friends then? See what it is you do for fun?" she asks, knowing that's not at all what he meant.

"That's just a bonus."

"Oh, well, then that's okay."

They make the rest of the drive in comfortable silence, and when they finally arrive at the rehabilitation hospital, he helps her out of the car and keeps her tucked close under his umbrella as he escorts her inside.

Bella can't help but think this is so much better than the bowling alley.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>So... it may be a day or two before we get to the rest of their pseudo-date. It is a holiday weekend here in the states after all, so I may be too busy with my kids to play with these two. Anyway, where ever you are, here, Cannes, everywhere, I hope you have a wonderful weekend! <strong>_

_**Thank you for reading.  
>~Ginnie<strong>_


	40. Chapter 40

_**A/N: Some of you were maybe thrown by the rehab hospital. I just want to clear up that we haven't really established what Edward does for a living yet. At this point, Bella knows... but we don't. I'm sorry if the "bit by bit" reveals are hard to follow, but this is what we know so far: Edward is a former child star and had a small comeback as an actor after college before he OD'd. He returned to Forks a year or so after getting out of inpatient rehab in L.A. and (we don't really know this, but I'll throw it out there) continued with occupational therapy and counseling on an outpatient basis in Washington. He volunteers, both with a community organization that provides hot meals for the homeless, and also at a nearby rehabilitation hospital. Maybe he got started with that sort of thing as part of a court order in L.A., maybe not? I don't know the exact details myself just yet, only that he does it and he enjoys it. Oh, yes, and he helps out at his mother's bookstore a couple days a week and writes screenplays on the side. **_

_**And that's what we know. ;-) **_

_**Quick warning: This chapter deals with some potentially sensitive stuff. If you've ever had a loved one injured in a severe accident or a stroke, maybe just read with caution. ((Hugs))**_

* * *

><p><em>Colors...<em>

~(~)~

"No red? You don't like the red?" she asks.

Her only answer is a grunt and pursed lips. During the last hour, she's learned that's a no and removes the small jar of red paint from in front of her companion.

Across the table from them, Edward smiles and winks at her. She smiles back and reaches for the green paint with a questioning gaze. He nods in the affirmative and she tries again.

"How about this one, Randy? What do you think of green?"

She lifts the jar up where the young man can see it. Randy gives her faint smile this time and reaches for his paint brush, tapping it on the table in the exact spot he wants Bella to put the paint. She complies and holds the jar steady while he dips his brush in and then slowly, methodically, moves it to the large sheet of paper in front of him.

Randy, like a few of the long term patients at the rehab hospital, has lasting effects of a traumatic brain injury. His was the result of a motorcycle accident; at nineteen years old, he left a party after two beers and a joint and never made it home. Having suffered a fractured skull and a broken neck, he wasn't expected to live past the first twenty-four hours... but he did.

While he no longer has the ability to speak, and will spend the rest of his life confined to a wheelchair, he's not completely disabled or brain damaged. He understands much of the world around him, but lacks the ability to communicate effectively. He has partial use of his arms and a few fingers, but cannot move his legs or hold his head up for long periods of time.

His hobbies help him cope and interact with others. Painting is a favorite. Edward tells her he somehow never tires of it.

Bella watches as the green Randy chose swirls together with blue and grey. It's an abstract image, if she remembers anything about art, but there's something soothing about the way the colors mix together and she can see how therapeutic this is for him.

Edward's laugh catches her attention and she looks up. He's sitting with another patient, Daniel, and helping the snarky older man with his attempt at artwork.

Daniel ended up here after an "out of the blue" stroke. He'd been an apparently fit and healthy forty year-old, but had undiagnosed atherosclerosis; otherwise known as clogging of the veins. He's not going to be here forever, by any means, but he's still regaining fine motor control and the use of his right leg. As he's single though, and lacks a decent support system nearby, he'll be here a little longer than some patients recovering from stroke.

That doesn't seem to have dampened his spirits, however.

"Seriously, Danny," Edward laughs again. "You need to paint some clothes on her. This is a family place."

"The hell it is. You see any families around here?" the man grouses playfully.

"A few. Besides, it's the day after Christmas, the celebration of the birth of baby Jesus. Give us a break, okay?"

Bella tries to hide her surprised laughter, but fails. Edward glances up at her and rolls his eyes at his companion's antics. The two men go back and forth like this for a while until Daniel drops his paintbrush and decides to give up on his pin-up girl.

"How 'bout we try a flower or a cactus this time?" Edward asks, handing the brush back.

"Nah, man. I think I'll go hit Becky up for a game of chess. Role me over?"

Edward shakes his head amusedly and rises from the table. He looks at Bella and indicates he'll be right back as he unlocks the brake on Daniel's wheelchair.

"Take it easy, Edward's girl. It was nice to meet you."

She's not surprised by Daniel's teasing after listening to him interact with Edward, but she feels her cheeks heat a little just the same.

"Thank you, Daniel. Nice to meet you, too."

When they're gone, Randy gets her attention back and silently asks for more paint. The jar has slipped beyond his reach, so Bella slides it back towards him. She compliments his work and spends the next few minutes conversing with him the same way Edward had done when they first arrived and he introduced her.

She's surprised when Randy eventually stops what he's doing and hands her a paintbrush.

"What? You want me to paint, too?"

A low chuckle behind her startles her.

"I think he likes you."

She turns her head in surprise, both at Edward's proximity and the fact she didn't notice him sneaking up on her. "Why do say that?" she asks.

He smiles. "He doesn't share his supplies with just anybody. Do you Randy?"

Randy gives a decidedly strong grunt and rocks his head back and forth once.

"See? That's his version of 'hell no.' "

Bella laughs and reaches for her own sheet of paper and some purple paint. Edward goes for the red and Daniel's half-naked pin-up girl.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>More soon. There's a little drama coming up too, but nothing horrid. <strong>_


	41. Chapter 41

_**Nothing of note to say today, except to remind you there is some minor drama ahead. As always, Twilight & its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. **  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Fissure...<em>

~(~)~

Once Edward's managed to paint a dress on the curvy blond Daniel began, and Bella's made several attempts at painting flowers, and trees, and a completely unimaginative sun and sky, they sit back and watch Randy finish up what is now obviously a sea-scape complete with waves, white caps, and stormy grey clouds.

Apparently, Bella's guess about it being an abstract was a bit premature.

She almost feels bad that he tries to give it to her when it's finished. It's so good and all he wants in return is the pathetic looking picture that she made. Edward quickly encourages her to thank him for it and then shakes his friend's hand before it's time for him to be wheeled off for more therapy.

"I told he likes you," Edward murmurs, sliding an arm around her shoulder when Randy's gone and the rest of the patients are filtering out as well.

She blushes and looks down at the still drying painting. "I feel kind of bad taking it."

"Don't. He wanted you to have it to remember him, and vice versa. It's not every day he gets to spend an afternoon painting with a beautiful woman."

Bella's face heats further and she pulls out from under his arm to face him. Her eyes stay focused on the ground though.

"Thank you for bringing me to meet him, along with the others. It's amazing what you do here."

"Eh, it's not that big a deal. I enjoy it anyway, so..."

He shrugs and waits for her to look at him. When their eyes meet, she feels tears threatening for reasons she can't quite define. He simply takes her hand and squeezes.

"Come on, let's go say goodbye to the others and then we can go get something to eat."

She nods and follows him, silently tamping down her emotions. She's proud of him in a way she's never experienced before, but also in awe of the easy attitude he has about volunteering in a place that must constantly remind him of the past. She doesn't know how he does it. He's stronger than she is, she thinks.

In fact, by the time Edward finishes showing her around and saying goodbye, she's even more convinced he's stronger than she ever imagined.

Her...? Not so much. She can feel the cracks in the facade as they make their way out the doors.

Once outside, the spitting rain from earlier this morning turned into a torrential down poor. He insists that she wait for him under the awning while he runs to get the car. She acquiesces only because she needs a minute to compose herself, and because of the painting she was gifted.

_Randy..._

Unable to speak. Confined to a wheelchair. Stuck in a medical care facility for the foreseeable future. He was just a kid when a couple of beers and joint ended his life as he knew it.

And Edward had done so much worse.

Watching him dart through the rain on sure feet and healthy legs makes her stomach clench uncomfortably. How easily he could have been the one sending the painting home with her, rather than the one driving her home.

Is this why he does this? Why, nearly five years after his own stint in a rehab hospital not unlike the one behind her, he volunteers to spend time with its long-term residents?

How can Edward stand it?

He pulls the car up and jumps out smiling as he brandishes the umbrella for her. She realizes he's completely oblivious to the dark place her thoughts just took her and forces a smile for him. It's almost genuine; the lengths he goes to to treat her with respect and affection are amazing and she really does appreciate it. In the car, he makes her laugh when he says something clever about the weather as they both buckle up. She turns on the radio, and she almost forgets her melancholy as the upbeat melody of a song she likes fills the air.

_Almost._

"You're awfully quiet over there," he comments after several minutes of nothing but Zooey Deschanel's voice floating between them.

"Oh, yeah," she answers. "I'm just... thinking."

He chuckles softly. "I gathered that. What are you thinking about?"

She glances down at her fingers, at the paint still trapped around her cuticles. "It's nothing."

"Bella..."

Her lips quirk at his tone, but she doesn't elaborate. "I'm fine, E."

He sighs, but says nothing more until they're parked in the parking lot of the restaurant they were supposed to eat at. He puts the car in park, and she feels him turn to look at her.

"What's going on, Bella?"

She shakes her head. She really doesn't want to talk about it.

"Please? You've been off since we said goodbye to Randy. Are you okay? Was it... too much?"

She sighs and looks out the window. "I may be a little overwhelmed."

He reaches out and tugs playfully on her fingertips, but she doesn't link her hand with his or tug back like she normally would. The affection is too much. She doesn't want to lose control of her emotions right now.

"I'm sorry," he says, not knowing what else to say.

The engine idles, the music continues softly in the background, the rain beats down.

All the while she struggles to hold the fissures in her heart together.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><strong><em>I know... :(<em>**

**_More soon, and thank you for reading.  
><em>**


	42. Chapter 42

_Grief..._

* * *

><p><em>The engine idles, the music continues softly in the background, the rain beats down. <em>

_All the while she struggles to hold the fissures in her heart together. _

* * *

><p>~(~)~<p>

"Why do you do it?"

Her voice is so small, so... broken. It makes his breath hitch.

"Why do I do what? Volunteer?"

"Yes," she says, nodding and letting her hair to shield her face.

He sighs and reaches for her hand again. "I guess I do it to keep me grounded. I enjoy it. I find spending time with the patients there to be relaxing."

"You're not doing it punish yourself?"

She can see him physically jerk. "No! God, no."

"Then why?"

She chances a glance at him. His eyes are worried, but he answers.

"I honestly like it. When I'm there, I feel... normal. I started out there at a time when everyone else in my life handled me with kid gloves. But there...? The patients don't care if I'm an addict, or a washed-out celebrity, or even that I live at home with my parents for all intents and purposes. They just need companionship."

She inhales slowly, trying to steady her breathing. "Do you ever..." She swallows thickly. "Don't you ever think about how... how it could have been _you_?"

His hand tightens around hers and he shifts to face her fully, or as much as he can in the car. The motion causes Bella to look at him. Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and sudden comprehension crosses his face. He opens his mouth to say something, no doubt to comfort her, but she shakes her head to stop him.

With a tortured expression, she places her free hand on his cheek. "It could have been you."

He lowers his gaze. "I know."

She continues, her voice tremulous. "It _was_ you. You were there. You were _right there, _so close to ending up like that, or worse."

"I know." His voice is full of sorrow. He rubs soothing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb and looks up again to stare deeply into her teary eyes. "I know, Isabella."

Her bottom lip trembles as they both acknowledge what could have been—what almost was. Her chest feels as though it's being slowly crushed. She runs her fingers slowly down his cheek, the first of her tears spilling over.

"I watched you nearly die. I watched you stroke out. God... I found you. Purple lips... no p–pulse."

She lets out a heart wrenching sob and her hand falls to his chest, to the place over his heart, where it curls into a fist. She sags against him then and feels him pull her closer, feels his arms try to hold her in the cramped, uncomfortable space.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so very sorry."

Her forehead is pressed against her fist. Her other hand is clenched in his shirt, somewhere near his waist. She gasps raggedly and then sobs again. Something in her chest unfurls and the damn breaks completely. She begins weeping openly, only vaguely aware of soothing touches and murmured apologies as the pain, grief, despair, anger, and relief course through her.

Her hand in his shirt tightens, pulling him closer as each emotion is brought to the surface. She lets them all go in turn; lets them all fade with the knowledge that he's here, alive and well beneath her iron grip. She releases everything she's been holding inside until she gets to her anger and without warning...

That one, long avoided feeling makes her stop.

The breathy, eerie silence that follows makes Edward nervous. "Bella? Honey, are you okay?"

With eyes open and strangely absent of new tears, she pushes herself up and out of his embrace.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>I'm back to drabbling... sort of... It's really rather long to be a drabble isn't it? Ugh, wordy-girl strikes again. ;-) <strong>_

_**Anyway, sorry for the short absence, but real life was too dramatic for me to put any drama into this, even in small doses. Thankfully, drama in real life or otherwise doesn't have to last forever. :)**_

_**More soon.  
>Ginnie<strong>_


	43. Chapter 43

_**Quick Warning: This is pretty short and there is some slightly graphic description of Edward's overdose below. Also, you might want tissues.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Anger...<em>

~(~)~

Her gaze travels over his features, taking in the sheer agony and anxiety in his expression. She shakes her head and looks away, unable to tell if he really understands. Sure, he's sorry—devastated even—for what he put her through. But does he even have a clue as to what exactly that was? Of what it was like for her?

The words are out before she can stop them.

"Do you have any idea what I went through?" she asks, her voice low and deceptively calm.

He can see the ticking of her jaw though. An overwhelming sense of dread washes over him as she takes a breath and continues, long-suppressed emotions coming to a head.

"Do you know what it was like for me? After everything we went through? The rehab, the interventions, the divorce? To be the one to find you like that? Thinking you'd finally done it? Thinking I was too late!"

His anxiety morphs into shock at her confession. Guilt, fear and anguish course through him, even as some small part of him knows she probably needs this. Heck... he probably needs this, but that makes it no less painful when she finally lets go.

"Do you have any clue what I went through that day!" she shouts, staring him down and holding him hostage with a gaze that dares him to look away. "You weren't breathing, Edward. I couldn't find your pulse! I had to pull you out of pool of your own vomit just to attempt CPR on you. I... I..."

Her eyes clench shut and he watches in horror as she gets lost in the memories he will never share. He has never once remembered anything that happened that day, or in the days leading up to it. He's only ever had second and third hand accounts because Bella was the only one who really knew and she wasn't there to tell him back then.

Not that he blames her. How can he when it's so very obvious what his self-inflicted brush with death did to her?

Tears spill ceaselessly from the corners of her closed eyelids. She gasps for breath, shaking like a leaf and shaking her head as if she can physically expel the hurt and pain the mere memories cause her.

He wishes she could, wishes it were that easy, and he wishes more than anything that she'd never had to go through any of it in the first place. Sniffling, he watches passively as she opens her eyes and wipes at her tears. Her voice is quiet and raspy when she finally speaks again.

"You didn't move... You didn't respond... Not when I screamed at you, not when I poured water over your head to wash away the vomit... Not even when the paramedics showed up and started sticking you left and right." Every last ounce of anger seems to have left her, replaced by an equally unbearable sadness. "They had to shock you, you know. More than once. When they took you away, I thought that was it. I thought the next time I would see you it would be in a morgue, or a casket."

A shudder runs through him as he pictures it. He can almost see her watching him disappear into the back of an ambulance. He easily imagines her face, her red-rimmed eyes, her arms wrapped tightly across her middle much like they are now. He imagines her alone, terrified, and heartbroken.

Much like he is now.

~(~)~

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ouchie, I know. Just hang in there.<br>**_


	44. Chapter 44

_**Hey Guys. I meant to have this up last night, but got the headache of all headaches and ended up spending most of the last 24 hours in bed. I'm feeling a little better now, and hope this was worth the wait. ;)**_

* * *

><p><em>Recompense...<em>

~(~)~

The deep ache in his chest stirs him to action. He reaches out and gently turns her face towards him. An apology swims in his eyes though he can't quite force the words from his too-tight throat. He knows they would never be enough.

Yet, even as he struggles with the right way to comfort her, she comes to his rescue. She accepts his touch and shifts his hand to cradle her face. He exhales heavily, sagging in relief. Despite the tight quarters of the car, he manages to get one arm behind her back and pulls her closer to him. She comes willingly and leans over the space between their seats as he cradles her to his chest, tucking her head beneath his chin.

"Isabella..."

Her name on his lips causes her to inhale a ragged breath and push herself further into his embrace. Her hands find the material of his shirt again and fist it tightly. She breathes him in as he murmurs her name once more and strokes her hair. He can feel her begin to relax at the same time the warmth of her breath begins to seep through the fabric of his shirt, but it somehow seems wrong to him that he should gain such comfort from her proximity.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness," he mutters. "I've always guessed that. Now I know it."

She shakes her head. "No."

"Yes. I deserve your anger. I deserve _more_ than your anger."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. I could give you a thousand reasons why I do."

She shakes her head again and begins to cry anew.

He lays his cheek against her hair. "God, Bella. I'm sorry. Please don't cry, sweetheart. Please? I'd rather you stay angry with me."

"I can't be," she says, mid sob. "I just... I can't."

He kisses the top of her head and moves one hand beneath her hair to rub her neck soothingly. "Yes, you can, and you should. Be angry at me. Be anything at me—hate me—just don't cry over me."

Her chin tips up until her nose is just beneath his and her watery eyes are able to meet his gaze. "I c–could never hate you." She takes a stuttered breath, trying to calm herself. "I h–hated what you did... to yourself, and to _us_, but I never hated you."

He shakes his head to disagree again, but her fingers somehow find his cheek again and she stops him by wiping away moisture he didn't even know was there.

She smiles weakly. "Don't you see? I was only ever angry and hurt because I love you."

His breath catches and his expression turns incredulous.

"I do," she whispers, her eyes earnest. "I love you and it would have killed me to lose you like that."

He lowers his forehead to hers. "Isabella..."

She strokes his cheek, then cups it and runs her thumb over the slight stubble of his jaw. The feel of her so close, her words still ringing in his ears and her breath washing over him, is almost more than he can bear. Still, he remains motionless, not wanting to take advantage.

But then her fingers slide up into his hair.

And her nose nudges his invitingly.

And her lips ghost over his. Once, and then twice.

And then he's lost in a kiss that's both his undoing and his salvation all in one.

~(~)~


	45. Chapter 45

_**Oh, hello there. :-) If anyone is still out there, thank you for not removing me from your alerts. I appreciate that more than you know. Also, I apologize for the delay, but yes, I do plan to carry this story through to a HEA. As always, this story is un-betad, and Twilight is not mine. I'm just borrowing _**Edward and Bella for a bit. **_  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Release...<em>

~(~)~

"I don't feel so much like eating anymore. Are you still hungry?" she asks, her voice still somewhat breathless.

"No. Not at all."

She blushes and lifts her chin to peek up at him from where she rests against his chest.

He smiles and strokes the skin behind her ear tenderly before pressing a tiny kiss to her nose. "Are you going to be all right?"

She nods quickly. "Mm-hmm, I'm sorry I freaked out on you."

"I'm not. I think it needed to happen, you know? You needed to let all that out. And I needed to hear it."

Bella blinks away a rush of emotion and overwhelming gratitude. He gets it. He knows.

"Thank you," she says, kissing him tentatively at first and then with more fervor.

Before they can get too carried away, voices coming from outside the car remind them that they're not really alone. One glance at the windshield also reminds them how long they've been sitting in the parking lot. Bella is unable to keep from smiling when she sees the glass is almost completely fogged up. From the corner of her eye she sees Edward fighting a grin as well.

She meets his gaze then and he chuckles softly, his cheeks flushing ever so slightly. "I guess we should get out of here if we're not going to go eat."

Bella feels a rush of heat as her own cheeks flood with color in response. "Yeah, probably."

Edward nods and kisses her forehead before sitting back in his seat. Bella follows suit and reaches her for her seatbelt. As soon as she's settled, Edward reaches for her hand again and raises it to his lips. He presses a swift kiss to her knuckles and then starts the engine.

"Where to, love?"

Smiling, she gazes into his eyes and shrugs. It honestly doesn't matter to her where they go from here. Just as long as they go together.

* * *

><p><em><strong>So, just a snippet tonight. I actually have no idea how many more snippets there will be of this little story, but right now I've made notes for the next 6. I'll do my best to update at least semi-regularly. And thank you in advance for all your support! :-)<br>**_

_**Much Love, **_

_**Ginnie**_


	46. Chapter 46

_**Well, this took way too long, but I wasn't happy with it at first. Actually, it's still kinda floofy and filler-y, but eh... it's B & E. Are we really going to complain about that? ;-) **_

_**PS- I don't own these guys. I only endow them with all their sugary sweetness. **_

* * *

><p><em>Reaquaint. . . <em>

~(~)~

She blinks slowly, fighting fatigue as his lips press firmly against hers once more. He caresses the skin behind her ear with his thumb and she responds with a delicate sigh. The subtle opening of her mouth is all the invitation he needs. His tongue teases hers again and again while his arms tighten around her. Her insides quake. Warmth and pleasure course through her, the feeling so sublime that she all but goes limp in his arms as her eyes close in contentment.

"I should go. You're falling asleep on me," he murmurs, pulling back from her mouth only to kiss her eyelids.

She smiles lazily, not bothering to contradict him by opening her eyes. "You _should _go, but not because of that."

He hums and nuzzles her nose. "Yeah, you're probably right. I doubt the Chief would take too kindly to finding us tangled up like this."

She laughs softly as he wiggles his sock-covered feet against hers. They're both still fully clothed. Nothing at all untoward has happened between, and yet, there's something hauntingly familiar and completely improper about the way their huddled under a blanket on Charlie Swan's faded old couch.

Bella wonders if Edward feels the same. Does he remember the way she does? She's not sure if she even wants to know, but then suddenly, she doesn't have to ask.

"At least we're both fully clothed this time."

A breath she didn't know she was holding escapes her and she smiles against the skin of his neck. "True, but that's still not why you need to go."

"It's not?"

She pulls back to gaze at him with tired, but happy eyes. "No, you have family in town for the holidays, silly."

He smiles. "You don't have a selfish bone in your body, do you?"

She laughs a little. "Of course I do. I kept you to myself all day, didn't I?"

"Well... not exactly. You did have to share me earlier." He frowns as soon as the words are out, not certain he should have brought up their visit to the rehab center.

She strokes his cheek. "I didn't mind. Despite everything, I'm glad you took me."

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Yeah."

Pulling her tighter against him, he kisses her forehead. "Thank you, love. For everything."

She sighs and snuggles against him. "Thank _you_."

He's quiet a moment. "For what?"

"For living."

~(~)~


	47. Chapter 47

_**Once again, I don't own these guys. I do however have a crazy imagination. Do not ask me where this came from. It just spilled out, but I hope you enjoy. **_

_**~Ginnie**_

_**PS- This is a work of derivative fiction. All characters are property of their original owners. I simply like to play with them. :) **_

* * *

><p><em>Stuck... <em>

~(~)~

They aren't anticipating the strict talking to that they receive when Chief Swan finally does return home. It surprises them both, and although Edward tries to assert that he's the epitome of responsible these days, and that he means absolutely no disrespect to the Chief in his own home, it isn't enough to get him out the predicament he finds himself in.

"You're not getting back out on the road tonight, Edward, and that's final. There's an inch-thick sheet of black ice out there. It's just too dangerous."

"Sir, I have all-wheel dr—"

"That won't count for shit if you lose traction going around a curve, son. We barely made it home from La Push, and I had chains on my tires."

Edward feels more than hears Bella's quick intake of breath. Her hand squeezes tightly around his and, suddenly, there's no decision to be made.

"All right, sir. I'll stay."

Charlie nods. "Good man."

Edward smiles a little, but looks away as the weight of his former father-in-law's approval washes over him. It feels good, but like in the past, makes him slightly uncomfortable. Bella seems to pick up on his disquiet and releases his hand only to slip her arm around his waist. Naturally, he wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her tight.

Even without lifting his eyes, he knows Charlie is watching them appreciatively. After a moment the elder man clears his throat. "Well... I'll just go tell Sue to add another plate for dinner."

He and Bella both nod. "Alright, Dad."

"Thank you, Chief."

It's only after they hear steady murmurs coming from the kitchen that either of them moves.

"Well, that was... fun." Her tone makes him chuckle.

He buries his face in her hair and inhales. "It was certainly unexpected."

She hums and turns until she's fully embraced in his arms. "I'm sorry I kept you here so long. I had no idea it was getting so bad outside."

"Neither did I, but as I recall, you tried to kick me out a couple of times."

She smiles and tilts her chin up to meet his gaze. "It was a halfhearted effort."

He grins, squeezing her affectionately. "I sorta figured that out."

They share a laugh and then before things can get too serious, or before he's tempted to think about how happy he is to have a few more hours with her, he sighs and looks toward the living room window. "I guess I should call my folks."

"Yeah, you should. They're probably worried." She pulls away. "Would you like some privacy?"

"Nah, you can stay." He reaches for his phone.

"Are you sure? They can't be too happy you spent the whole day with me anyway."

"Most of them were thrilled I was spending the day with you. Besides, there's nothing to be done about it now." She sighs and something about it makes his heart hurt. "Don't worry yourself over this, sweetheart. I'm a big boy now."

She gives him a half smile. "Yeah, but Alice and Emmett are only in town for a few days. I feel bad now for monopolizing your time."

"Well... you know how you can make it up to Alice." To keep things light, he reaches out with his free hand and tickles her ribs. She laughs and grabs his hand.

"Stop."

He grins and pulls her over to the sofa while he unlocks his phone. Once he's got her tucked securely beneath his free arm, he dials.

Bella raises an eyebrow. "Emmett?"

Edward shrugs. "He asks fewer questions."

"You're throwing him to the wolves, you know."

Edward smiles at the same time his brother's voice comes over the line.

"Well, well, well... if isn't the prodigal son."

"Yes, yes, funny as always, Emmett."

"What's up, man? On your way back yet?"

"Not exactly. The roads are a mess."

"Yeah, I know. We took the kids bowling around lunch. It was an adventure getting back up the driveway. Oh, shit... are you okay? Did you get stuck?"

"No, well... kind of. I was still at Bella's when the Chief got home. He's forbade me from even trying to drive home right now. Says there's an inch of black ice on the highway."

There's a moment of silence and then Emmett laughs. "Dude."

"Shut up. Will you just tell Mom I'll call her in the morning? I was supposed to take the first shift at the bookstore anyway."

"No way, bro. Unless you're planning on sleeping at the bookstore, call her your damn self."

"I'm sleeping at the bookstore."

"Liar."

"I'm walking there now."

"You're full of shit. What were you doing at Bella's house anyway? I thought you were taking her to go play good Samaritan with you today."

"I was. I did." He feels his cheeks begin to heat and shifts the phone to his other ear. Bella giggles.

Emmett laughs again. "Damn, is that her? I knew you were full of shit. Is the Chief even really there?"

At this Edward rolls his eyes. "Yes, he's really here you dim wit. Just tell mom I called and I'm stuck in town due to the roads, okay?"

"You dog, you. I cannot believe you have me covering for you at our age."

"Whatever. I covered for you and Rose yesterday with your kid, and it was Christmas. You owe me."

"Aw, come on, man. That was part of my present. Besides we're trying to get pregnant again."

Edward shakes his head in exasperation, but smiles. "Yeah, well good luck with that. And good luck with Mom. Give her my love."

"You suck."

"Love you, too, bro."

"I hate you."

"Uh-huh. Give my namesake a kiss for me."

"I'm renaming her." There's a pause and then Emmett's voice is mischievous. "I have a better idea, actually. Why don't you give Bella a kiss for me instead?"

Edward smiles and glances at the girl in question. "That can definitely be arranged."

~(~)~


	48. Chapter 48

_**Just flying by the seat of my pants here, no beta again. (Sadly, two of my long-time betas are most likely in no mood to beta today. To both of them I offer hugs, and love, and good things. Like Edward in Bella's bedroom, hopefully today is just the beginning.) **_

_**Much Love, **_

_**~Ginnie**_

* * *

><p><em>Good... <em>

~(~)~

Before Edward gets a chance to make good on his promise, Sue calls them in for dinner. It's a bit awkward at times, but good. Bella holds his hand under the table while he tells Sue about the rehab center and his work with the homeless shelter. Sue approves, if the look in her eyes is any indication, and his former father-in-law mirrors her expression.

Edward is relieved when the conversation moves on to what's new with Bella's job. He's not quite used to being back in the Swan's good graces yet, and he can't stop wondering about what Charlie and Sue think of his presence in Bella's life now. When will that come up? What will they say? Is he ready to bare the depth of his feelings or his intentions just yet? Does he even know what his intentions are?

The inquisition he's expecting never comes. Charlie gets a call about a multi-car pile-up in town and dinner is cut short. The kitchen quickly morphs into something of a mobile command center, and rather than worry about things they can't help, Sue sends Bella and Edward off to entertain themselves. Neither of the elder Swans even notice them disappear up the stairs.

His heart is pounding as she pushes open the door to her childhood room. The wood floors seem darker and newer than he remembers, but the walls are still purple and the bed is still small. Despite that, it takes up the majority of the space in the room. Her beat-up old desk is missing, as is her grandmother's rocking chair.

"It's at my apartment," she says when she sees where he's looking.

He nods and follows her inside. She leads him to the bed, and they sit side by side facing the picture window that he used to climb through when they were still in high school.

"The tree is taller," he says.

Bella nods, he sees it from the corner of his eye. Linking their fingers together, he turns to look at her.

She smiles, but keeps her gaze on the window. "I'm glad you remember the tree."

He chuckles. "I definitely remember the tree."

She turns her head toward him slowly, her cheeks pink and her dark eyes full of an emotion he can't quite place.

"What is it? What is that look?"

She searches his gaze for a long moment, the unfathomable expression on her face growing more intense, more frustrated. She frowns and shakes her head.

"It's so strange having you here. I remember everything about our life before, everything that ever happened between us in this room, but I don't know if you do. I can't tell."

His heart gives a sudden lurch. "Oh, Isabella..."

She tries to hide the tears that fill her eyes, she tries to turn away from him, but he doesn't let her get far. "I remember you. I remember this room. That tree. This bed."

Her eyes flutter close and he drops his forehead against hers. Her sweet breath washes over him, into him, while she tries not to cry.

He ghosts his lips over hers. "I remember our first kiss, and our first time."

Her hands slide over his shoulders, her fingers drawing the soft material of his sweater into her clenched fists. "I'm so scared, E."

"I know. So am I."

"Everything's off kilter. This feels both brand new and yet hauntingly familiar. Like we've never really known each other, and like we've known each other forever." She swallows, licks her lips. "You're still you, but you're so different, so unexpected."

"I know. You, too." He watches a small smile light her face as he kisses the tears from her cheeks. "I can't believe your letting me touch you, hold you, be with you... not after everything I put you through."

She sighs and shakes her head ever so slightly. "It feels like that was another person. Or like you're another person now."

He takes a thoughtful breath. "I guess I am in a lot of ways. I've learned some hard lessons. Learned that I'm not an island unto myself."

She smirks. "Very poetic."

"Thanks. I think I stole that from a pamphlet somewhere."

She laughs softly, then sighs and presses her mouth to the line of his jaw. "So honest."

"I try to be. It's..."

"What?" She stops just short of pressing her mouth to the spot below his ear that he loves so much.

He sits back and tilts his head to the side, listening. Sure enough, someone is coming up the stairs. Bella hears it then too, and scoots back a bit. He mourns the loss of her heat and her nearness, but smiles all the same.

"Are you all right?" he asks, checking in with her before they're no longer alone.

She smiles and nods. "I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. How are _you_ doing?"

He strokes her cheek and smiles her favorite smile. "I'm good. I'm not looking forward to sleeping on the couch, but otherwise, I'm very, very good."

Warm, sweet lips meet his. "Good."

~(~)~


	49. Chapter 49

_**A belated Valentine's Day gift for OCSickGirl & everyone else who has messaged me, prodded me, encouraged, and refused to give up on me. I adore you all. **_

_**~Ginnie**_

* * *

><p>Chapter 49:<p>

~(~)~

_Better..._

"Mm . . . hi."

"Hi."

"What'cha doin'?"

"Coming to say good morning."

"S'not morning yet."

She laughs softly at the pinched up look on his face, and runs her hand through his hair again. "Close enough. Coffee's on. Charlie's up."

He yawns. "Everything okay?"

"I think so, he doesn't seem to be in a rush."

"Hmm."

She giggles as he turns his head back into the pillow. "Not a morning person, huh?"

His eyes stay closed, but his lips quirk up. "I would be, if it were morning. Or if we'd gotten to bed at a half-decent hour."

She smiles and glances at the clock above the television. They only just said goodnight a few hours ago, or at least, they only _tried _to say goodnight a few hours ago. Bella couldn't seem to shut her mind off, and then just when it seemed she'd finally fallen asleep, Charlie's phone rang again. The low, urgent echo of his voice through the wall kept her up at least another hour.

She'd debated giving up and creeping down to share the sofa bed with Edward, but figured her father wouldn't appreciate that much. Nor did she think she (or Edward) was ready to take that step.

Once the smell of coffee and the sound of a running shower woke her a second time, though, all bets were off.

"I'm sorry for waking you. Were you able to sleep?" she asks.

"A little," he says, yawning again. He rolls from his stomach onto his side and lifts the blankets. "Come here."

Her heart quickens, but she hesitates.

He opens one eye. "Too soon?"

She shakes her head. Above them, her father's footsteps answer for her.

"Charlie?"

She nods, her eyes offering a silent apology. He drops the blanket and pats the space on top of it. She glances briefly toward the ceiling again, but joins him, resting her head on his shoulder and one leg over his. It feels natural. Easy.

"I've missed this," he murmurs, running a hand through her hair.

Bella laughs softly under her breath. "You said that last night. You say it a lot, in fact."

"Do I?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Oh."

They're silent a moment, the cadence of their breathing slow and even. "I've missed it too," she says eventually.

His lips press against her forehead, warm and soft, and so _so_ welcome. She wonders if the list of things she's missed about him will ever end. Moreover, she wonders if it's really been him she's missed, or if it was just intimacy in general she'd been lacking for so long.

_Something else to ask my therapist about. _

"What are you thinking so hard about down there?"

She blushes. "Nothing."

"Liar, liar, cheeks on fire."

She giggles—a fast, high-pitched giggle that has Edward laughing with her in no time—and hides her face against his arm. "Involuntary response," she mumbles.

He laughs louder and reaches for her waist, squeezing her just above her hip where he knows it will make her shriek. And shriek she does.

Right up until a light clicks on and her father's voice sounds from behind them.

"Good morning, you two."

Edward lets go of her hip in an instant, his laughter dying in an ungraceful snort. Bella finds it harder to stop laughing, and looks over her shoulder with a half-embarrassed, half-jubilant smile. "Oh, hey Dad."

Charlie shifts his weight and settles into his "cop" pose, arms crossed over his chest and expression carefully schooled. "Having fun, are we, daughter?"

"Um, no," Bella says, then realizes her error. "Well, yes, but . . . er—" She looks back at Edward. "Um . . ."

Edward's eyes go wide as if to say, "_Don't ask me._"

Her father starts to chuckle. "Relax. You aren't teenagers anymore."

Bella blinks and nods. "Yeah, that's um . . . true." She rolls over to face her father.

Charlie holds her gaze for a moment, his lips twisted in amusement, then looks to Edward with a more serious mien. "You sleep okay?"

Bella can feel Edward swallow before he answers. "Yes, sir."

Charlie nods, then tilts his head to one side. "Have any trouble with the house rules?"

"Uh, no, sir."

"What house rules?" Bella asks, just as her father narrows his eyes.

"I'm not sure I like that hesitation, son."

Edward slides away from Bella and sits up. "Sorry. No, there was no problem."

She sits, too, and gives her father an accusing look. "Dad, what house rules?"

He smirks. "That's between me and Edward."

A not-so-delicate scoff escapes her. "Seriously? I thought"—she made quotation marks with her fingers—"we weren't teenagers anymore."

"You aren't, but this is still my house, and you will always be my baby girl."

"Ugh . . . Dad, we hadn't even kissed each other until yesterday."

A sort of chocked cough escapes Edward even as Charlie's eyes widen in surprise, his cheeks turning pink. Bella fights to keep her own face under control, and looks at the floor.

"Sorry . . . it's the truth though."

The awkward silence is broken by a crackle the radio on her father's hip. He reaches for it, and one of Edward's fingers slides over her pinky. She glances at him over her shoulder and gives him a shy smile. He exams her expression for a moment and then links their fingers together, smiling back.

"Well . . ." Charlie says, drawing the word out and clearing his throat. "Why don't the two of you stop making googly eyes at each other and come have a cup of coffee with me real quick? I need to get going soon."

Bella blushes and looks away as Edward starts to chuckle. "Yeah, okay," she says.

Her father holds her gaze for a moment, then nods and turns in the direction of the kitchen with—Bella notes belatedly—his half-amused grin in place once more.

~(~)~


	50. Chapter 50

**So . . . I admit, I did forget about Charlie and Sue's fur-baby in the previous chapters. I only hope Rusty (and you, lovely readers) can forgive me. **

* * *

><p><em>In Laws...<em>

_~(~)~_

"So, Edward, what are your intentions with my daughter?"

"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Charlie."

The mustache twitches. "Don't call me Charlie, Isabella. And I was serious. I think I have a right to know."

"Of course you do, Chief."

"Don't encourage him, Edward." The voice isn't Bella's, but Sue's.

"Thank you!" Bella says, throwing her hands up in the air. The movement causes Rusty to look up from his food bowl and bark.

Sue laughs. "You're welcome. And good morning, boy."

Rusty wags his tail and goes back to his food. Charlie turns to smile at his wife. "Morning, babe."

"Good morning, Sue," Bella and Edward say in unison.

"Good morning, all." She stops behind Charlie and places her hands on his shoulders. "Any coffee left for an old woman?"

Charlie frowns and lifts his chin. "What old woman?"

"Ohh, good answer," she says, leaning down to kiss him.

Bella turns and takes a sudden interest in Edward's cup. "Is it still too hot?" she asks, lifting her own and blowing over the rim.

He gives her a confused look. "What?"

"Your coffee? Is it too hot? Do you want some ice, or milk?"

Charlie laughs. "Jeez, Bella. Calm down. Compared to what I walked in on this morning, that was nothing."

She wrinkles her nose. "It's not the same, you're the parent. It's offensive to see you engaging in any kind of PDA."

"But it's not offensive for a father to see his only daughter cavorting with—"

"_Cavorting_? Really?" Sue asks.

At this, Edward takes a sudden interest in Bella's cup. "What about you? Did you get enough cream and sugar?" he asks. Bella nods and apologizes for her parents with her eyes. Edward shrugs, his cheeks slightly pink.

"He's exaggerating, Sue," Bella says at last.

Sue hums. "I guessed that. He also exaggerated about you being his_ only_ daughter."

Charlie has the good sense to look chagrined. "Sorry, old habits die hard. Besides, I wouldn't want to see Leah cavorting with her boyfriend either."

"Husband."

Charlie shrugs. "Same difference."

Sue frowns and Edward raises his eyebrows, obviously amused by the exchange now that he and Bella aren't the focus of their banter.

"How are Leah and Sam?" Bella asks, in an attempt to keep the focus off of them. "Any news yet?"

"No, they're still trying. In fact," she says, moving toward the coffee maker, "I think we almost walked in on them 'trying' when we went to see them last week."

"What!" Charlie nearly drops his mug and, in a very male show of solidarity, Edward inhales his coffee.

Sue chuckles. "Mothers notice these things, dear. Fathers, on the other hand, are too busy worrying that they'll miss kick-off."

Laughing, Bella hands Edward a napkin. "Are you all right?"

"Um, yeah." He clears his throat. "Fine."

"You sure?"

He nods as Charlie says, "I'm fine too, thanks for asking."

"You okay, Dad?"

"Just dandy."

Edward chuckles and dabs at his chin. "My brother and his wife are trying to have a baby, too," he says. "Their second."

"Really?" Bella asks.

"Yeah. Emmett mentioned it yesterday."

"Is that why you had to cover for them?"

"Yep."

Bella giggles and Sue joins them at the table, coffee in hand. "I don't suppose you know if they have any trouble the first time? Leah and Sam have been at it for over a year now."

Edward's smile fades some, he shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "I don't know, I'm sorry. My niece, she's almost five now. She was born while I was... still recovering after my stroke."

"Oh."

Bella places her hand on Edward's leg. It's something of a sore subject for her as well, missing the birth of the child that—had things been different—would have been her niece, too. They've never really talked about it, but she knows it must bother him even more than it bothers her.

He covers her hand with his. "It's okay."

Bella nods.

Charlie clears his throat. "Well, I saw Alice out and about the other day. Looks to me like there's a little baby fever going around right now."

Edward smiles more genuinely and nods. "Yeah, I guess. But Alice always did want a lot of kids. Jasper, too. Rosalie, though . . . not so much."

Everyone laughs a little at that, but their laughter brings with it a flood of memories for Bella. Bachelorette parties—first Rosalie's, then Alice's—and alcohol-induced conversations about how many kids everyone wanted and when they wanted to have them. Six for Alice: as soon as possible. One or two for Rose: after her twenty-fifth birthday but before her thirtieth. Two to three for Bella: "just as soon as things settle down." But they never did settle down, which ended up being a blessing in disguise.

Bella can feel the weight of Edward's gaze, but when she looks around the table Sue and Charlie don't seem to have noticed her mental absence. Her father simply waves between the two of them and says,

"So I'm just gonna ask, because I didn't last night, what with the weather and all, but . . . I take it this is official?"

Edward inhales slowly, and looks to Bella. She smiles and raises their clasped hands onto the table.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Pretty much?"

Bella blushes. "Well, I mean . . . we haven't really worked out what's going to happen next, but I think it's safe to say we're together."

There's an expectant silence in the room. As if her admission is a handful of confetti that has been thrown into the air and they just have to wait to see how it will settle. Edward is the first to break the stillness, and Bella's fairly sure it's to sit a bit taller.

"We know we have a long way to go," he says softly, "so we'll probably start talking about the future soon, but there's no rush." His gaze shifts to Charlie. "I assure you I want to do this right, Chief. We _both_ want to get it right."

Bella has to blink back tears, but smiles at him even as Sue clears her throat and folds her hands in front of her.

"I think we can all appreciate that, Edward, but . . ." She glances between them, her expression ripe with concern. "There's a lot of history here. Not all of it good."

"Sue," Charlie says, but Edward just nods.

"No, you're absolutely right. That's why we're not rushing. Or trying to go it alone." Taking a deep breath, he continues. "We both know I'm an addict and that I'll always be an addict. But I promise you, I have no desire to ever live that life again, or to hurt those I love in any way, shape or form. I'll do what it takes to stay clean. One day at a time. That's what I've been doing, and it's what we'll continue to do together."

Sue's expression remains cautious, but she nods. Charlie does the same and smiles. "Well, I have to admit I'd never hear you two laughing and carrying on the way you were this morning. But I'm glad I was wrong. I'm really glad you've gotten your life together, son. That you've kept it up this long says a lot about the man you've become and, hard as it is for me to trust anyone with my daughter, as long as you keep it on the straight and narrow . . . you two have my blessing."

Edward's head dips slightly and he squeezes Bella's hand tight. When he speaks his voice is gruff, making Bella cry. "Thank you, sir."

Sue picks a new napkin out of the holder in the center of the table and pushes it toward Bella. She offers a tender smile just as Charlie's radio crackles. He turns it up to listen to the call and sighs when Clallam County dispatch reports yet another car accident just outside Forks' city limits.

"I better get going," he says, swigging back the last of his coffee. He stands and takes the mug to the sink, then turns and walks behind Bella to clap a hand on Edward's shoulder. "I'll give you a call when the roads have been cleared, okay? You sit tight until then."

"Yes, sir."

Charlie nods. "Good man. I'm also going to call you later in the week so we can talk some more."

"Talk about what?" Bella asks, her voice suddenly alarmed.

Charlie raises his hands in supplication. "Guy stuff. Don't be nosey." He looks at Edward. "How about lunch this week or next?"

"Sure, Chief."

Charlie smiles. "Perfect. You know my number, right?"

Edward nods, like it's no big deal, and Bella just blinks at both of them.

Chuckling, her father kisses his new wife and then waves at them as he backs out of the room.

"Love you guys. Be good for Sue."


	51. Chapter 51

**Hey All! So, now that it's out there, I sort of feel the need to apologize for the previous chapter. It seems to be missing something of the magic of the earlier chapters. I held onto it for far too long and tinkered more than I ever have in this story, so if you were worried . . . or felt like it was a little off-course, I understand. Also, I think the following chapter is closer to what you're used to. Hope you enjoy it! **

**~Ginnie**

* * *

><p>Chapter 51:<p>

He lifts his chin, letting the water run over his head and face. It feels good to be alone for a few minutes. To think and reflect in the quiet, humid warmth.

The pipe in the wall gives another little knock and the water rushes forward with a quick burst of cold. Edward drops his face and steps back with a little chuckle. The old house hasn't changed much. There may be new floors and new fixtures, but it still creaks, and groans, and shows its age with the kind of quaint charm only men like Charlie Swan can truly appreciate. And maybe men like Edward Cullen, too.

He stares at the alternating black and white tile wall as he lathers his hair with the least floral-smelling shampoo in the shower. He wonders what Bella thinks of having him here. It was a bit awkward with Sue after Charlie left, so they haven't really spoken, but on the other hand, Edward's glad for the buffer of another presence in the house. He could never have anticipated the events of the last twenty-four hours.

_Official. Together. _

"_You have my blessing." _

Edward blinks and turns his face back into the water, letting it wash away both the soap and the warmth suddenly pricking his eyes. His throat feels tight and it takes him a few breaths to get past it. He drops his shoulders, rolling them to shake loose this feeling. This overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Of forgiveness.

"Shit."

He shakes his head and rests his palms against the wall in front of him, lowering his head and losing himself to the emotion as the water beats against his neck and shoulders.

What could he have possibly done to deserve this? How blessed can one man be?

The sight of Bella smiling and laughing is foremost behind his closed eyes. The memory of her kisses is burning on his lips, making his breath hitch. He may just cry after all. He's not sure he can hold it all inside. Not sure he wants to.

Yesterday was all at once the most amazing day of his life, and the worst. He knew it could have gone either way, but the reality was nothing he was prepared for. Her anger and despair had been deeper than he ever imagined. Her capacity to love and forgive wider. She had both broken his heart and healed it all inside of a few minutes.

He knows beyond a shadow of doubt that he loves her. Loves her truly, and completely, in a way he's certain he never loved her when they were kids. There's guilt there, an enormous amount of guilt, but he can't be entirely sorry because somehow all his selfishness and idiocy brought them here. Brought him here.

To Charlie Swan's shower on an icy Tuesday morning.

Edward sighs and reaches for the body soap. It's new book day. He has a couple new releases that need to be put out, along with a few CDs. The store usually opens at ten, but he always goes in at eight on Tuesdays.

He rushes through the rest of his shower, wondering if the roads will be clear in time. He won't lament having to spend more time with Bella, but he needs to get to work.

Would she want to come with him, he wonders. He really doesn't want to let her go. Tomorrow she'll return to Seattle and it will who knows how long before they'll see each other.

Then he reminds himself, _one day at a time. _

"Tomorrow will take care of itself."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading. And thank you for all your reviews! <strong>

**Please keep them coming. They are so, so appreciated. **


	52. Chapter 52

_**If anyone's still with me, thank you. I know the writing isn't quite spot on, but hopefully the longer chapter will make up for it. **_

_**PS: I still own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.** _

* * *

><p><em>Kisses...<br>_

~()~

Bella knocks softly on her bedroom door. A muffled "come in" makes her stomach flip flop. She's ridiculously nervous considering he's her ex-husband. There isn't an inch of him that she hasn't seen before, and vice versa. But everything is brand new again.

She turns the knob and speaks before pushing the door all the way open. "You decent?"

Her words, or maybe the shaky tone of her voice, make her blush.

A dry, masculine chuckle sets her to flame. "Yeah, come on in."

She schools her expression and exhales a breath as she steps inside. His feet are bare, she sees this first because she's looking down. His jeans come into view next, followed by his plain undershirt. She glances up at his face, feeling like a school girl all over again as she closes the door behind her.

"Hey."

He smiles, his blue eyes sparkling. "Hey."

"Feel fresher?"

"Yeah. Thanks for washing my clothes last night."

She shrugs. "No big deal."

Something flickers in his eyes and then he's stalking toward her. She sucks in a breath as he wraps his arms around her waist.

"It is a big deal. To me," he says, pulling her to him.

She blushes again and moves her hands to his back. "Okay. Well . . . you're welcome."

He watches her for a moment, adjusting his hold on her to give her some space. "Are you all right? With everything?"

She nods and leans her head against his chest, taking the space back. "Yes. Never better."

He says nothing for a moment, and she wonders if he feels as she does. Like there are a million things to say and no right place to start. Like they only have today, even if they really have all the time in the world.

_There's no rush. _

The words, spoken in Edward's voice in her memory, ring true and lessen the urgency with which she holds him. Still, the minutes until she has to return to her life and her job, three hundred miles away, are drawing to a close. She doesn't want to let him go. She wants to talk. To be held. To be kissed. To laugh. To cry. To just . . . be together. With this man that she loves.

She knows without a doubt that it's truer and healthier than the way she loved his younger self. They'd been nearly obsessed with each other then, but not now. Now they have mutual respect, friendship, and admiration. They also share more common interests than they did as kids, while still having some independent interests. Hobbies and—

"Am I losing you?"

His voice startles her. "Huh?"

He leans back. "I thought you might be falling asleep on me again."

"Oh." She smiles and shakes her head. "No. Just thinking."

"About?"

She sighs, fists his shirt in her hands and pulls him toward her. "Just . . . that I love you."

Her whole body trembles with the admission and Edward sucks in a breath. He stares down at her for several heart beats.

"You have no idea how grateful I am every time you say that," he whispers.

She lifts her chin. "I love you."

"God, Isabella." His voice is gruff and his chest presses into hers with each breath. "I love you, too. So much I don't know what to do with it all."

She's afraid to move, afraid to think too hard on his words. She wants him to kiss her, but wonders if that wouldn't be rushing things even more than they've already rushed them. She just can't seem to stop herself from pulling him closer, though. And maybe that's okay. They are together now.

"Can I please kiss you?" he asks, as if he's read her mind.

She nods, never taking her eyes off his. The deep, green orbs only darken as they draw nearer to her. She almost can't stand it. When she feels the first press of his lips against hers her eyes flutter closed. She grips the back of his shirt, holding on for dear life as he clutches her to him and opens his mouth, pulling her bottom lip between his. Moaning, she opens to him. His tongue brushes ever so slightly against hers, and then withdraws. She follows after it.

He grips her tighter as she lifts on her tiptoes and kisses him and kisses him and kisses him. His hands begin to roam until one is in her hair and the other's around her hip, and he's bending her backward, and she's arching against him, fueling a passion unlike any she's ever experienced. She feels dizzy and weak-kneed; like it's the first time anyone has ever kissed her this way.

Perhaps it is.

Edward breaks away from her mouth with a muffled curse. He's panting, harder than she is, and trembling. He drops his forehead to hers and backs her up against the nearest wall. A small part of her wishes it had been the bed.

"Lord in heaven," he says.

"Yeah," she answers.

He nuzzles his nose against hers. "Any regrets yet?"

She laughs breathily, though she knows he's part-serious. "No."

"Good. That's . . . good." He still seems to be catching his breath.

She untangles her arms from his and lifts a hand to his hair. "What about you?"

He gives her a sheepish grin. "Nope."

She smiles and lifts her chin to press her lips against his chin. "Good."

"We should probably . . . talk at some point."

"Mm-hmm. We should."

He adjusts one arm, plays with a lock of her hair. "A lot happened yesterday. We sort of . . ."

"Skipped a few steps?"

He nods. "Yeah."

"At least we were already heading in this direction." A ripple of self-doubt creeps in as the words leave her. "Weren't we?"

He tilts his head to one side and strokes her flushed cheek. "_I_ thought so." His voice is soft, earnest.

Nodding, thinking, she says, "It's been a month since we said we would try."

"Are we going too fast?"

She shakes her head. "No. _I_ think we're doing okay, but . . ."

"But?" he asks, now concerned.

She smiles. "If you keep kissing me like you just did, then we might have some trouble."

He laughs, looking both embarrassed and smug at the same time. "I might have to agree with you there."

She giggles. "Proud of yourself?"

"No," he says, but his shrug and lopsided grin give him away.

She laughs and then lifts up on her toes to press her mouth to his. "Well, you should be."

He groans as she ducks under his arm and out of reach. She feels giddy and a little wild as she crosses the room, stopping in front of the bed. She takes note of his clothing folded atop her comforter and sighs. She almost forgot he had somewhere to be.

"I guess I better let you finish getting ready," she says.

His footsteps sound behind her, and then he's right there, his hands on her shoulders. "It's not like I have a lot to do," he says with an affectionate squeeze. "Stay if you want."

She says nothing as he releases her and reaches past her for his sweater. His chest brushes her back and arm when he pulls it back. She holds her breath while he pulls it over his head. She wants to step away but she's riveted in place, held captive by the familiarity, the sheer intimacy of the moment. When he's finished with the sweater, he slides around her and reaches for the socks. He turns and sits down, keeping his eyes on her the whole time.

It feels like her cheeks are on fire. "You're staring."

He smiles and shrugs. "Because you're beautiful. And because I'm still thinking of that kiss."

She bites her lip, grinning as she watches him cover his feet. Part of her wants to crawl into his lap and kiss him again. The other part knows they need to talk about some things before the roads are cleared and he has to leave.

"So, my dad will probably call soon."

"Yeah. About that," Edward says, scooting back and making room for Bella beside him.

"What's up?" she asks, sitting.

He takes her hand in his, and toys with her fingers a moment. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to spend some time with me at the bookstore today."

She smiles instantly. "I'd love to."

He glances up. "Really?"

"Of course." She can't imagine why he's surprised. "I was going to ask if I could come by before I left town anyway."

"You were?"

"Mm-hmm." She nods, still smiling.

He leans closer and raises his hands to her face. "I'm relieved. I'm not ready to let you go just yet."

"Me either."

"Praise God for that."

Bella's not sure who leans in first, but before she can blink her hands are wrapped around his wrists and her lips are pressed to his. It's soft and tender. Sweet and safe. She wants more. She tries to tell herself not to go slow, but he takes her breath and her sanity away in an instant when he moans and pulls her closer still.

The bookstore will just have to wait.

~()~


	53. Chapter 53

_**Same disclaimers apply: I own nothing. This is a non-beta'd work of derivative fiction, etc.  
><strong>_

_**Enjoy the long chapter. Or... not. **_

* * *

><p><em>Buzz Kill . . .<em>

~(~)~

Edward curses when he sees his mother's car behind the bookstore.

He's still riding high off his morning with Bella. Her touch, her taste, the feel of her body pressed against his after so long. The very last thing he wants to think about is why his mother ventured down from the family home on treacherous roads when she knew he was supposed to open the store today.

He parks his car and checks his phone. No missed calls. No texts. He frowns and sends a message off to his brother and father.

**Mom at bookstore. Should I be worried?**

If they didn't warn him she was coming because they didn't know, he'll have backup before too long. If they didn't warn him for some other reason, he guesses he'll know that soon enough as well.

The air is bitterly cold when he opens the car door. It nips at his ears and nose, making the ten or so feet from his car to the store's back entrance feel like a mile. The door's unlocked, which he doesn't really know how to interpret. Does that mean she was expecting him? Or was she so mad, thinking for some reason that he wouldn't be here, that she left it unlocked by accident?

Better to just bite the bullet and get in there.

"Mom?"

Silence.

"Mom, it's Edward."

He looks through the storeroom, glances at the darkened office, and then heads for the front. As soon as he pushes open the door he can hear her muttering.

_Mad it is, _he thinks. He's not surprised.

He finds her near the register, fighting with a display sent with one of today's new-to-paperback releases. Her hair is immaculate and she's wearing a cheerful green sweater set with a nice pair of jeans and the boots his father got her for Christmas. Her jeweled pendant, a snowman gifted to her by his niece, sparkles in the light coming through the front window.

To anyone walking in the door, she is the picture of beauty and holiday cheer. To him, she is the harbinger of doom.

"Do you want some help there?"

"No, thank you."

"What are you doing here, Mom?"

She stops what's she doing, but then smiles and makes a face like he's just asked her why the sky is blue. "Opening the store, what else would I be doing?"

He watches her for a moment, then sighs. "I don't know . . . maybe flipping pancakes with Tony? Or slipping Colby and Caleb Tang instead of organic orange juice when Alice and Jasper aren't looking?"

She inserts the cardboard shelf into its base and bends over to pick up the marquee that fits on top. "I had breakfast with the kids over an hour ago. They're playing video games with your father and brother, and they'll likely be at it for hours. _Just Dance Something-or-Another_."

Despite his irritation with her, he smiles at the thought of Carlisle and Emmett facing off to the latest Katy Perry or Bruno Mars tune. "Sounds fun."

"Indeed."

"So why aren't you there?"

"Because somebody needed to be here, Edward."

"I'm here."

"You're late."

"It's eight. We don't open for another hour."

"Well, I had no way of knowing you'd even show up, now did I?"

Anger flares so easily when she gets like this. Years ago, one of his therapists, or maybe it was his sponsor, said she was like a small child who would prefer any kind of attention—even being yelled at or screamed at—over no attention at all. It's proved a good comparison and helps his keep calm.

"I called home last night," he says. "I told Emmett what happened, and I let him know I would be here this morning. He promised to give you the message. He's not usually one to go back on his word, but if he forgot, you could have easily picked up the phone and called me this morning. Preferably _before_ you risked your life just to prove a point or nose around."

She scoffs, waving a hand. "I have no idea what you mean. I didn't risk—"

"Save it, mother. Are you telling me Emmett said nothing to you?"

"No, he did. That's why I'm here."

His mind stumbles over this. Her words don't make sense. Even more, her face and her tone of voice aren't helping him out. He knows she's playing him, he just can't fathom the exact source of her unspoken hostility. He sighs.

"Please don't do this. All that reverse psychology and acting the martyr stuff is lost on me. You have to tell me why you're pissed off with me. Remember?"

She stares at him, then bends down to take a stack of paperbacks out a nearby box. "I would think it would be obvious this time."

He takes off his coat and shakes his head. "Well, it's not. I can guess it has something to with me staying at the Swan's house last night, but I'm still not sure why you thought I wouldn't be here to open the store."

He sets his coat and keys on the counter and grabs the display at her side, which she's put together wrong. He allows some of his frustration and anger to show as he places the cardboard shelf a little carelessly off to the side of the register.

"That should go—"

"I know where it needs to go," he says as he straightens it. "We have hardback new releases to put on the feature table by the door, and there's another one of these displays for the new diet book coming out today. I'm putting that one next to the table because New Year's resolutions start in less than a week."

She sighs and moves to stand behind him while he fixes the display so they can begin placing the paperbacks in it. She wordlessly hands them to him when it's ready.

Taking a deep breath, he says a quick prayer to remain calm. He has no idea what she's going to say when he turns around. All he knows is that she will say something, and he's not sure he's in the mood to hear it. He's beyond irritated with her for ruining what was previously an amazing morning. Not to mention frustrated by her lack of faith in him.

"Excuse me," he says, turning to walk past her. "I need to get the rest of the books we have to put out."

She crosses her arms over her chest. "I'm not sure I want your help here today. You're clearly in a mood."

He comes to stilted halt, laughing. "_I'm_ in a mood?"

"Yes, obviously running around with your ex-wife has had a negative effect on you already. I think I'd rather—"

"So that's what this is about." He turns to face her. "Finally, we get to the point. You're punishing me because you're upset I spent the night with Bella."

"I'm not punishing you, but I am furious that you would abandon your family on Christmas for that girl. I raised you better than that, so you'll have to forgive me if I felt I was worried that I couldn't trust you to honor the rest of your obligations this week."

"First of all, Christmas was two days ago and I spent every minute of it with you. Second, since when is spending time with family considered an obligation?"

"I meant the store."

"Clearly, but you're not making any sense. I wasn't planning on being away the whole day yesterday. It was only supposed to be an afternoon, and—"

She points a finger at him. "That is exactly my point! When you're with that jezebel, you're capable of forgetting anything and everything else."

He closes his eyes. Counts to ten. His fists are clenched so hard they ache, but he forces himself to release them.

Breathing out slowly, looking at the toes of her boots, he says, "I think you better leave. Go, spend time with your grandchildren."

"You will not dismiss me from my store."

"Then I'll go."

"Are you going to go back to her?"

At this, he looks up. Her hazel eyes are hostile, showing nothing of the warm, loving mother who stayed at his side in his darkest days, who nursed him back to health and helped him through rehab. Nothing of the woman who brought him home, where he belonged. No, the woman before him now is the same woman who made him want to run away to begin with.

He almost laughs. "Wow. You really hate her, don't you?"

She inhales, and he notices her chin rise ever so slightly. "I don't hate her. But I don't forgive her, and I never will."

His reaction is instantaneous. He tries to hide the way his breath wants to punch out of him, the way his eyes sting. Swallowing harder than he'd like, he shakes his head, disbelieving. "Then you haven't changed at all. You haven't learned anything."


	54. Chapter 54

**Hi there. Once again, this is a derivative work of fiction... sorta... so I don't claim any ownership of Ms. Stephenie Meyer's lovely writing. I just hope you enjoy my un-beta'd manipulation of her characters. :) **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 54:<span>

_Caught . . ._

~()~

"You haven't changed at all," he says.

She smiles sadly, like she's being indulgent with him. "Oh, but I have. I don't wish Bella Swan any ill will, but I don't want her near you. And you shouldn't either. She was the reason all this began. You can tell me it was my fault until the stars fall from the sky, son, but I _know _it was more than that. I know what she—"

"Esme. Enough."

The sharp voice startles both mother and son alike. Edward sucks in a breath, feeling the weight of the world fall off his shoulders while the unflappable Esme Cullen tries to hide her alarmed expression with a pasted-on smile.

"Carlisle. What are you doing here, honey?"

"You didn't tell me you were leaving the house. I was worried."

Esme shakes her head, still smiling. "I didn't? I'm so sorry . . . I don't what I was thinking."

"Oh, I do. May I please speak with you in the office?"

Edward feels half vindicated and half cut off at the knees. This is his stand to make, not his father's.

Even as his mother answers Carlisle with a soft, unsettled, "Of course. Just give me a moment to clear things up with Edward," he wants to object to being rescued.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now. I imagine you've said enough."

Her jaw drops the slightest bit, her eyes widening. Edward takes a step out of the way. He knows that expression well. Just as well as he knows his father's tone. She's pissed. And he's livid.

Edward stares at the floor a few uncomfortable moments before she gives in, saying nothing to him as she walks past. She doesn't stomp out or slam any doors, but that's not really her style.

"Son, I'm sorry," his father says when they're alone.

"You don't have to apologize. You shouldn't have interfered anyway," Edward says, exhaling at last. He turns to face the older man, and is shocked to see that beneath his long, wool coat he's wearing an old pair of sweat pants and his favorite, but very well-worn, T-shirt.

Carlisle shrugs when he correctly interprets Edward's face. "I was in a hurry."

"I . . ."

"It's fine. I'll get her out of here. Your siblings will probably have to take over your apartment or come here so we can talk, but I'll handle it."

"You shouldn't have to, Dad. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. But, I turned a blind eye to a lot things, for a lot of years, son. This is the least I can do now."

"But—"

"No. Listen, moving our family to this little Podunk town was the best decision I ever made. I doubted that for a long while, but I know it for certain now. _You _are my proof. And dealing with that in there"—he points to the women's room, his voice very low—"is a small price to pay for your happiness."

Edward frowns, but the look in his father's eye tells him there's no budging him on this. "Thank you?"

Carlisle chuckles. "You're welcome. And . . ." His voice drops to a whisper. "I hope you had a nice night."

Surprise, as much as embarrassment, colors Edward's cheeks. He looks down and shrugs.

"Maybe you can catch me up later," he father says as his wife reappears in the doorway behind him.

"Yeah, sure." Edward lifts his eyebrows toward his mom.

His dad smiles and says, "See you at home later, right?"

"Yep."

"All right."

And just like that the smile disappears. Edward watches his parents as they stare at each other, words passing between them that he doesn't care to interpret. They'll either work it out, or they won't. Either way, he and his mother are going to have to have their own "Come to Jesus" before it's all said and done.

He only hopes he can keep it together as well as his father does when that time comes.

~()~


	55. Chapter 55

_**A tiny snippet today. I'm sort of meandering with these guys . . . there are better scenes in my head than this, I just need to get them there first. Your patience is appreciated. ;-) **_

_**-Ginnie**_

* * *

><p>Chapter 55:<p>

_Heads Up... _

The text message shouldn't surprise him, but it does.

**On my way. **

He's not forgotten, but he's certainly been distracted. New books. Salt on the sidewalk. Phone ringing off the hook. Not only have a few people called to see if they'll even be open today, but his brother and sister have been on the phone with him all morning.

And then she messages him again. **Coffee?**

"God I love you," he says as he swipes his response and hits send.

"Who are you talking to?" his sister says in his ear.

He rolls his eyes. "How did you even hear that?"

"I'm a mother. I hear and see everything now. Hold on—Colby! Put your cousin down!" A pause. "Because I can hear you guys!" Edward shakes his head, smiling as she continues without missing a beat. "So, is that Bells?"

"Yeah. Well, she texted. She's on her way, and she's bringing coffee."

"Oh, Christ. I hate you both."

Edward laughs. "Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery."

"Har, har. I know I have a problem, hence why I don't even drink decaf, it's a slippery slope."

"Amen to that."

He can hear the smile in her voice. "I really love you. You know that right? There are a million gushy, uncomfortable things I want to say to you right now."

"Thanks for holding them in. And same here."

She sighs. "Look, I better go. The kids are getting restless and so is their Aunt Ro. Not a good mix."

In the background Edward hears, "I heard that, midget!"

"Crap, forgot she's got super-powered mom hearing, too."

Edward snickers.

"So we'll see you this afternoon. Dad, Jazz and Emmett are finishing the driveway now. The kids are dressed, but you have crap for food here, so we're gonna have to stop for lunch somewhere. Then we'll be over."

"Sounds like you have it all worked out."

"Of course I do. I'm more practiced at avoiding Mom than any of you. Now all you have to do is warn Bella."

A flash of rust-colored red catches his attention. Her truck, chains on the wheels, lumbering down the street. "I will," he says.

"You sure? I don't want to rain on your parade."

"Alice, I told you. I got this. You take care of everyone else."

"Fine, fine. See you later."

"Later," he says, watching like a hawk as the truck backs into a spot across the street. He moves to the window and notices she's biting her lip, but she maneuvers the beast with practiced ease.

Letting out a breath, he runs his hands through his hair and shakes off the last vestiges of the confrontation with his mother. The next few hours will have to hold him for a long time to come, and he's not planning on wasting them.

* * *

><p><strong><em>PS:<em> **_**I know it's been a while since it was mentioned, so I'll throw you a bone: Alice is pregnant with twins & should be about 5 & a half months along by now. Hence why she gave up caffeine. **_

_**Anyone think Bella will be ticked off next chapter? I'd love to hear your theories. ;-) **_


	56. Chapter 56

_Pressure... _

~(~)~

She barely has time to put his coffee, black with two sugars, and her latte down on the counter before he takes her in his arms. She blinks in surprise at his enthusiasm and laughs, even as she rises to her toes to make the most of his embrace.

"Welcome to Rainy Day Books," he whispers. "Can I help you find anything?"

She hums, squeezing her arms tighter around his neck. "I think I found it."

He sways her back and forth. "Glad I could help."

She giggles. The moment he lets her down he looks left, then right, then kisses her. It's soft and sweet, but quick.

"Worried we'll get caught?" she says when he stands back.

"More worried I'll get carried away."

Laughing, she reaches for the hem of his sweater. It's a little stretched out from this morning, and like this morning she uses it to pull him to her. "How 'bout one more? Before you get busy."

He grins when the phone on near the register starts ringing. "Too late."

But he kisses her anyway.

Her cheeks are warm and rosy when he steps away to pick up the phone. She takes a moment to press her hands to them and tries to catch her breath while he answers some question or another.

Looking around, she notes the Christmas decorations and can immediately see her former mother-in-law in the designer colors and handmade embellishments. The tree in the window is decorated with miniature books, old-fashioned reading spectacles, and little packages wrapped with book pages and topped with black satin bows. On either side of the main tree are two smaller "trees" made from circular stacks of books and topped with stars. White twinkle lights dangle everywhere.

"Is it too much?"

She turns and smiles. "No, I don't think so. It's pretty clear your mother loves this place, though. She made most of this, didn't she?"

"Yeah."

"It's beautiful."

His eyes seem sad. "I'll her you said so when we're speaking again."

"Uh-oh," she says, automatically reaching for his hand. "What happened?"

He shrugs, reaching for the zipper on her coat with his free hand and avoiding her gaze. "She showed up here on the pretense of opening the store because she 'wasn't sure I would make it.' Which was a load of you-know-what."

"Wow. That was a low blow. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I'll deal with her later."

"Do you want to talk to me about it first?" she asks, though she can guess the answer.

"Not right now, I've talked it to death already this morning. I've been on the phone with Al and Emmett since Mom and Dad left."

That brings her up short. "Your Dad was here, too?"

He sighs, looking tired. "Yeah. He came to get her, which is a whole other story."

She steps closer to him, wrapping their clasped hands behind her back. "So can I assume she was upset you stayed over, then?"

Wrapping his other arm around her, he shrugs. "I think the more important question is whether I care if she was upset I stayed over, and I don't. I'm a grown man."

"And what about your dad, did he care?"

"Are you kidding? He wants details from me later."

Her eyes widen as a giggle bursts out of her. "What?"

He smirks. "It's his way of letting me know he approves."

"Oh, really." She laughs. "Well, what are you going to tell him?"

"That Charlie's pullout sofa is uncomfortable. And that I love and respect you, so that's all he's getting."

"Ooo, good answer," she says smiling and lifting her chin.

He grins down at her, pulling her tight to him. She reaches for his hair, fingering the short strands toward the bottom as he lowers his face to hers and kisses her. Her stomach flutters and dips as he coaxes her lips open with his. His warm breath washes over her and his hands flex against her waist. She can feel some of the tension melt away as she grips his neck and shoulders.

A truck lumbers by outside, the chains on the tires clanking while the slats of the flatbed knock together as it bumps along the main road in town. Edward lifts her up, holding her closer and kissing her deeper for just a moment before letting her go.

"Are you sure you're all right?" she asks as they stand forehead to forehead, catching their breaths.

He smiles. "I am. Especially after that."

She laughs softly hugs him. She wants to know more about this confrontation with Esme, but can guess that he's been pushed enough today. Besides, they have weeks of e-mail and phone conversations ahead of them. There will be plenty of time to talk then.

Letting him go and putting some distance between them, she asks, "So, will you show me where I can put my coat?"

"Of course," he says, kissing her nose. "You can hang it in the back with mine."

He checks the sidewalk outside for any sign of customers and then grabs their coffee cups before leading her to the back room. She spots his coat hung on a rack attached to the wall near what she assumes is the office. There are five wooden pegs altogether, and below them, a cabinet of corresponding cubbies with baskets inside for personal belongings. It all looks like it came from Pottery Barn or Restoration Hardware, and is clearly Esme Cullen's doing.

Bella presses her lips together as she removes her coat, feeling a wave of pity and frustration toward the woman she once strived to love as her own mother. Appearances clearly still meant a lot to her. This was just a storage room for crying out loud.

"Here you go," Edward says, handing her latte over. "We better get back up front, just in case."

She nods and takes her coffee, putting aside her thoughts of Esme. "Lead the way."

Edward spends the next few minutes showing her around the store and making small talk about various books while they sip their coffee. She waits until they've made the rounds to ask him how long she can stay. When he doesn't answer right away, it surprises her.

"Edward?" she prompts him, her stomach fluttering.

He looks at her with wide, worried eyes. "Sorry. I should have mentioned this sooner."

She frowns. "Mentioned what?"

He sighs. "Well, I'm going to have some visitors this afternoon. Alice and Emmett are coming into the store."

"Oh." She lets out a breath. For a second she'd been worried it was something horrible. She had no idea what, but her mind had been racing, unable to make sense of his words.

"It's just for a little while," he continues. "They want to get out of the house for a few hours and the kids specifically asked to come here."

She blinks. "The kids?"

"Um . . . yeah. Mom had other plans for everyone today, but Alice and Emmett, along with their spouses, are refusing to participate until she apologizes to me. Or something like that. All I know is that my siblings vacated the main house so the kids wouldn't see their grandparents disagreeing or overhear any raised voices. But there's not much for them to do in my apartment, so…"

"So they want to come here," Bella finishes for him, trying to hide her sudden anxiety. The thought of seeing all of them, all at once sends her heart flying.

"Well, they're going to lunch first, but yeah."

She nods, wondering what _exactly_ went down this morning to cause Alice, Emmett and their families to avoid Esme. To be honest, it sounds a lot like old times, which makes Bella uncomfortable.

Edward lifts a hand to her cheek. "Look, there's no pressure for you to see them today, okay? I mean . . . you can head out whenever you want."

She scoffs. "I can't do that, E. Leave just to avoid them."

"It wouldn't be like that. You weren't planning on staying all day anyway, were you?"

She looks down, shrugging. "I don't know. I didn't think I'd be rushed out the door, though."

"You aren't being rushed out the door," he says, putting his coffee down on the counter behind her and taking her face between both hands. "I don't want you to go. I want you to stay for as long as you're able."

She takes a deep breath, trying hard not to be over emotional about this. Trying not to be a coward, and trying not to feel pressured when she knows that wasn't his intention. This isn't a trap, or a ploy. Although, she highly suspects that his sister is hoping she'll feel exactly like she does now and decide just to bite the bullet and see her long-lost friend before she flies all the way back to Texas.

Edward strokes her flushed skin with his thumbs. "Look, if you want me to tell Alice to hold off until tomorrow and find something else to do, I will. I didn't think it would upset you this much."

"Don't be silly, E. It's just a lot to deal with all at once. And with very little notice."

"I'm sorry. Maybe I wasn't thinking. They'll be a little while still, so we can just call Ali—"

"No," she says, taking a deep breath and coming to a decision. "No, you dealt with my dad _overnight. _And I know for a fact he gave you some sort of 'you-touch-my-daughter-under-my-roof-and-I'll-shoot-you' threat when he laid out his 'house rules.' Probably even showed you the gun."

"Well, yeah, he took it to bed with him as a matter of fact. But I expected that and more. You weren't expecting this."

She smiles and then blinks, trying to imagine the store full of kids she's never met and people she hasn't seen in five years. People she'd last seen in a hospital waiting room, with the exception of Alice, who had sat with her at Edward's bedside with her when she'd said her final goodbyes.

Her heart aches and thrills at the picture in her head. She'd had to leave them behind too, had to run and never look back for her own sanity, and now, she could have them back. All of them.

The family she gave up to save herself.

His voice is a low rumble as he bends down to her meet her gaze. "Isabella? If it's this hard for you—"

"Stop," she says, grabbing his wrists. "I want to see them. I do. It's just… it's been a long time. And the kids… I don't know what to say to them."

He pulls her to his chest, tucking her head under his chin. "We'll figure it out. But only if it's what you really want."

"I want to see them." Her voice is barely a whisper.

He leans back to search her eyes. "Are you sure? This was not my intention. I told you they were coming because I didn't want you to end up cornered and forced into a reunion you weren't ready for."

She swallows, her throat thick as she tries not to cry. "I'm sure." She smiles for him. "Do they know we're back together?"

"No, I didn't say anything yet," he says, looking unconvinced. "They know we're trying to get to know each other again. Although, I think they're aware things are a little farther along than that now." His smile is sheepish. "I'm not very good at lying to Alice, you know, and she asked if we'd kissed last night."

Bella laughs, causing the tears she'd been fighting to spill over a little. "Of course she did."

"I didn't answer her, but I guess that was an answer in and of itself."

"Did she…" Bella takes a deep breath and looks at him hopefully while he wipes away the moisture beneath her eyes. "Did she sound like she minded?"

He chuckles. "What do you think? She's over the moon, even though she's trying really, really hard not to show it."

"What about Emmett? And Rosalie?"

"Emmett has always loved you, and will always love you. You heard how he was on the phone last night." She nods. "And Rosalie. Well, Rosalie is going to hold off on approving of anything until we've proven ourselves to her first. But that's just her."

"Well, I guess we'll find out."

"Are you staying then?"

She tightens her hold on him. "I'm not going to cut my time with you short or run away from your family, Edward. I need to face these things if we're going to continue down this road. I may need time to myself process it all later, but time is definitely something we have. After tomorrow anyway."

He sighs, looking over her head briefly before lowering his mouth to hers. "I love you," he says, pressing his lips to hers. "Let's not think about that now, okay? Or about my family, at least not until they get here and we have to."

She nods and slides one arm up his chest to his heart. "Okay."

He kisses her again and covers her hand with his. "Okay."

* * *

><p><em>Thank you for reading. As always, I don't own anything, but you guys and your reviews own me. ~Ginnie<em>


	57. Chapter 57

**A quick note on this chapter:  
><strong>

**As a drabble, this little story was meant to help me "drop everything and write." I've never used a beta and when I started out, the goal was to post everyday, even if it was only a few words. Obviously, I haven't always done that, but I'm trying to get back into it. The scene below was one I wanted to skip. When I sat to write this morning, my intention was to move these characters along and get the story going again. But then I read your reviews and PMs. **

**Since it was very clear many of you were looking forward to reading the reunion, I decided to hash that out and see where it went. I am not 100% happy with the result, but it's a first take on how things would go for these guys and I hope it lives up to at least _some_ of your expectations. After all, your kind words have more than exceeded mine. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.  
><strong>

**-Ginnie**

* * *

><p><em>Reunion... <em>

~(~)~

Bella excuses herself to the restroom when the text message comes in that they're on their way. She's not surprised to find Edward sitting in the reading area when she comes out.

"Hey," he says, looking up at once, his face anxious and his hair sticking up.

She puts her hands on her hips. "Hey yourself."

"Are you alright?"

"Much better now that my bladder's empty, thanks."

His cheek turn pink and he looks at the floor between his feet. "Sorry. I meant—"

"I know what you meant, sweetie. I'm fine. Nervous. But fine." She moves to stand in front of him and puts a hand out. "Will you please relax, though? You're making this harder on both of us."

He takes her hand and stands. "I'm sorry. You're right."

She gazes up at him and reaches up to fix his hair with her free hand. It doesn't really help and they both laugh. She straightens his collar and smooths his sweater over his chest instead.

When she's done, she steps back. "My turn. How do I look?"

"Gorgeous," he says without hesitation.

"You didn't even look at me."

"I've been looking all day, Isabella," he says, reaching for her waist. She blushes as he runs the back of his fingers over the denim covering her hip and then up again before tugging lightly on the hem of her long-sleeve shirt. "I like this color on you. I like the fabric, too. It's soft."

Her cheeks heat even more. "I'll keep that in mind."

The sound of a car door slamming outside the store gives her some idea their wait is over. Sure enough, another door closes and several muffled voices reach their ears a second or two later.

"Here we go," he says, squeezing her hand. "The kids are kinda wild around me, so I apologize in advance for all the shrieking."

Bella nods and takes a deep breath, licking her lips and steadying her nerves. Edward kisses her cheek when the bell above the door rings and then disappears around the bookshelves. She draws her hands into fists and then actively releases them, stretching her fingers and rolling her shoulders back at the same time. Deep breaths. No need to be anxious. It's just Edward's family.

Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rose… and the baby girl she never got to meet.

Her heart gives a little lurch. What if she totally loses it in front of the kids? They'll think she's nuts. She clenches her fists and releases them again, forcing her breaths to stay even and her heart to calm. Swallowing, she takes another breath. She's fine. It's fine. She can do this.

Stepping out from the reading area, the first thing she sees is Emmett holding the door. He's in profile, but there's no mistaking his size. Next her eyes fall on Rosalie just behind him. She's wearing a hat and scarf, but her golden hair and gorgeous face are as distinctive as her husband's bulk. She turns her head and stares right at Bella, and for a moment, the fierceness of her gaze freezes Bella in place. Shaking it off, she raises a hand and offers Rose a timid smile.

Before Bella can decipher whether or not her smile has been returned, two little bundles of cotton and Gore-Tex barrel though the door.

"Toni! Caleb! Slow down!" Rose calls after them.

The children in question ignore her entirely and run straight for Edward, calling his name. He kneels down and scoops them up, laughing. "Hey guys!"

"Where have you been, Uncle Edward?"

"Did you get stuck in da snow?"

"You missed the movie. It was sooo good."

"Yeah, Unca Edward, you missed Alvin and da Chipmunks!"

He laughs again and kisses the little cheek on his right. "Sorry, I had to go see some friends yesterday. Did you miss me?"

"Uh-huh."

He kisses the other little cheek as well. "How 'bout you, Toni? You miss me?"

"A little bit," the girl says, and Bella sucks in a breath. She sounds just like her mother.

"Good," Edward answers as Bella's eyes shoot past them to Rosalie. She's not surprised to find her former sister-in-law staring back at her.

"Rose…"

"Hello, Bella."

"That's your baby girl?"

"Yeah, it is. She's five now."

"She sounds just like you."

Rose nods, her eyes flickering to the little girl. "That's what everyone says."

Bella smiles and looks back at the child. She's watching Bella suspiciously, perhaps because her beloved uncle is quite distracted now. Bella meets his worried gaze and gives him a small nod. She's okay.

He winks and then returns his attention to his niece and nephew. Toni glances between them and it seems she's about to ask who Bella is when Edward lifts both the children in his arms and says, "Why don't we go see what sort of goodies Grandma's got hiding here, huh? I think I saw some candy somewhere, too."

They both cheer as he carries them off toward the play area on the other side of the store. He's running interference for her, and she kind of wants to kiss him silly for it.

Taking a deep breath, she looks back toward the door. It's closed now and Emmett's sidled up behind Rose, a wide grin on his face, while a smaller figure has come to stand to his left.

Bella would know her anywhere, of course. Blue eyes almost exactly like Edward's. Hair the same color as Emmett's. It's hidden partially by a vibrant colored scarf wrapped fashionably around her head and neck. Her small frame is hidden behind a chic grey coat that bulges slightly in the front.

"Alice."

"Bella?"

Bella nods, her eyes swimming despite her best efforts. "Yeah, it's me."

"You're here. You stayed."

Bella nods again, and before she even realizes what she's doing, she's moving forward. Alice's astonished expression thaws as she starts moving too. She drops the handbag Bella hadn't even noticed and pulls her scarf from her head, and then they're hugging. Hugging so tight Bella's a little afraid she'll hurt Alice. But Alice isn't letting go.

"Holy shit," she whisper-cries in Bella's ear. "I have missed you, girlie."

Bella half laughs, half cries at Alice's curse. "Me, too," Bella rasps. "So much."

They hold on to each for heaven only knows how long. Bella keeps her eyes closed tightly, smelling the familiar scent of her once closest friend, relishing her strong embrace. She swallows and breathes deeply, willing her heart to calm so she can manage to let go.

But Alice is the one to relax her grip and lean back. Smiling, she shakes her head and laughs. Her brow is wrinkled in a mix of disbelief and wonder. "I can't believe you're actually here."

"I know," Bella says, blushing. "I've been a coward."

"Oh, hush. That's so far from the truth it's not even funny. I just thought… I mean Edward didn't say anything, and we didn't expect you to stay on our account, so…"

"I asked him not to mention it. I thought it might be better this way."

Alice laughs. "Well, you were right. Best Christmas present ever."

There are some disgruntled remarks about that from behind them, but they go unanswered.

"God, Alice…" Bella says, holding her friend at arms' length and looking her over. She glances and back up, a question in her eyes.

Alice nods and grasps one of Bella's hand without hesitation. She squeezes it tight, bringing it straight to her belly.

"Oh," Bella breathes. "Wow."

"I know, I'm _huge_."

This makes Bella laugh. "You're tiny. Just round."

"At least I have boobs now."

Bella laughs. "That you do." She shakes her head. "Edward told me of course, but seeing it is just…amazing." Her throat tightens and she has to take a deep breath as she stretches her hand across Alice's stomach. It's firmer than she might have expected. "Do they move much?"

"All the time. I'm surprised you didn't get kicked when I hugged you."

"I was a bit distracted then," she replies, smiling. "Maybe I did and didn't notice."

"Maybe. Here," Alice says, gripping Bella's hand and moving it higher and to the left. They're quiet a moment, and then the swell beneath Bella's palm moves ever so slightly.

"Whoa." She raises her eyes to Alice. "That's incredible."

Alice shrugs. "It is. Until one of them kicks you in the kidneys, anyway. Or the ribs."

"Or your bladder," Rosalie adds.

Bella glances over her shoulder and smiles at her. It's too much to hope that all is forgiven, but she's glad Rose is speaking to her at the very least.

"As uncomfortable as that sounds, it's amazing."

Alice moves Bella's hand again. This time the movement is stronger and makes her gasp.

Rose steps a bit closer to them. "You should see it at the very end. Your whole stomach moves. Em and I used to lay there and just watch it. It was better than television."

Her voice is wistful, making Bella feel much the same. "I would have liked to have seen that," she says, honestly.

Rose swallows and nods, but says nothing more.

A chorus of giggles from the other side of the store breaks the moment and Bella withdraws her hand. Emmett takes advantage of the distraction.

"So is it my turn yet?" he says.

She smiles. "Hi, Emmett."

"Ah, you can do better than that. Come give me some love."

This gets a laugh from the others and causes Bella's cheeks to heat. She steps forward tentatively as he opens his arms.

"That's better," he says, giving her a quick squeeze. He pulls back, but keeps hold of her shoulders. "It's really good to see you," he says softly.

"Thanks. You too."

"You and Ed have a good night?"

She tilts her head to one side, narrowing her eyes. "I'm not answering that."

He laughs. "I'll take that as a yes."

"How 'bout you take that as a 'it's none of your business' and shut up?"

Emmett laughs, along with Alice and everyone else, and pats her on the shoulder. "Sure thing, Miss B. I'm just going to…" He looks around and points in the other direction. "See about a book."

Bella raises an eyebrow, holding in her own laughter until he's gone. "Obviously _he_ hasn't changed."

"Some things never do," says Rose.

The bell over the door rings and Jasper walks in with a crying toddler. His little face is all red, his dark brown hair sticking up. His coat is hanging off him and he's missing a boot.

"Oh, lord help us, here we go," sighs Alice.

Rose shakes her head and hooks her arms though Bella's. "Come on, I'll introduce to Toni while Alice takes care of that."

"Should we help?"

"Nah, he's going through separation anxiety. Better to stay clear until he's calm."

"Poor Jasper," Bella says, watching the frustrated father hand his son over to Alice.

Rose shrugs. "It's their penance for not having to carry them around in their bodies for nine months. Besides," she says, lowering her voice to a murmur, "he's the one who forgot the condoms at the store and then didn't pull out."

Bella almost chokes on her tongue before a laugh bursts out of her. "Wow. TMI, Rose. TMI."

Rosalie just smiles. "Welcome back to the family, kid."


	58. Chapter 58

_**A lot of exposition here just to give a quick impression of how the rest of the reunion went. Hope it's not too painful to read. **_

* * *

><p><em>Hope. . . <em>

She's holding his two-year old nephew in her lap, moving a toy plane up and down in simulated flight while the toddler bashes a toy robot against it. She isn't even looking at the game playing out in front of her, but still manages to keep the boy entertained while the adults around him carry on conversations far beyond his years. Every so often she has to adjust Colby on her lap or respond to his little sounds and two-word sentences, and every time she does, she looks up and meets Edward's gaze, smiling shyly.

She's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

While Alice and Jasper regale her with stories of Jasper's latest job, his very large family, and their home in the Texas hill country, Edward sits crossed-legged on the floor across from her. Between them he's set up a puzzle for Toni and Caleb. Toni occasionally stares up at Bella, her little face so like her mother's, but Edward isn't sure what emotion to assign to it. She could be curious, or suspicious, or downright resentful; he wouldn't be able to tell without asking. Same goes for Rosalie, although the way she'd introduced Bella to her daughter gives him hope.

"_Toni, this is Bella. She's a very old, very special friend of ours. She went to high school with your Uncle Edward and Aunt Alice._"

Bella of course, handled the introduction with enviable grace. It seemed she knew exactly how to talk to a five-year-old girl, something he thought she might have learned as a social worker. He isn't sure, though. There are still years between them that he knows little about.

He hopes that will change now. Now that she's begun to open up, to talk about things he can't remember, things no one else could or would ever tell him, he can't get enough. He wanted those hours on Charlie Swan's couch never to end. In his arms, she'd told him things she'd been leaving out in their previous conversations. Some of what she told him should have been gut-wrenching, but instead, it was cathartic.

So, too, is this time with his brother and sister and their significant others. It's hard—the knowledge that Bella cut them out of her life as a direct result of his actions isn't new, it's just never been this real before. It hurts to see the price they paid play out before his eyes, but no one here is blaming Bella, or him, for the decisions made five years ago. Forgiveness has been granted long ago. The door to the future is wide open.

Soon enough the kids grow too restless for conversation to continue. Bella's been caught up on the basics of their lives, though, and she caught them up on everything she's comfortable sharing with them. No one asks for promises to keep in touch, but it's implied when Bella asks Alice to send pictures of the twins when they arrive.

And then they're gone. And Bella is in his arms once more. And gratitude and relief give way to a quiet tenderness between them that needs no words.


	59. Chapter 59

**_Thanks so much for reading. I truly appreciate the warm welcome back. :) _**

* * *

><p>~(~)~<p>

_Want. . . _

She closes the door to her apartment and turns the lock with a sigh. Before she even engages the deadbolt she has her phone out of her purse. He picks up on the second ring.

"Hey, you."

"Hey."

"Get home safe?"

"Yeah, I just walked in the door."

"How was the drive?"

"Long." She flips the hallway light on and then grabs her suitcase. "How was your day?"

"Long," he says, chuckling. "I am not cut out to keep up with small children. Or my sister."

"Oh, I don't know," she says, dropping her keys into her purse and setting it on the entry table. "You seemed to have things well in hand yesterday."

"That was a onetime thing, apparently. No such luck today."

She giggles. "With Alice? Or the kids?"

"Both." She can hear the smile in his voice.

"What did you guys do today?"

"We took them bowling _again_ and let them spend about a hundred bucks in the arcade. Then it was back here for board games, several rounds of hide and seek, and finally a movie. They went back to Mom and Dad's about half an hour ago."

She smiles, but feels a pang of remorse for Esme. It seems like her children are still avoiding her.

_Because of you. _

No. She shakes that thought off and heads down the hall to her room. "Sounds like a fun day. Have you spoken to your mom?"

"No. Emmett said she never came out of her room last night, and she was gone early this morning to open the bookstore. She left fresh-baked muffins for them, and notes for the kids promising cookies after she got home this afternoon, but I didn't go over there. I'm not going to either. I think it's best we don't talk for a while."

"I'm sorry, E."

"Please don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either, and it doesn't mean I'm not sorry you're going through this with her. It's very frustrating."

"Yeah. That's one word for it."

She flips the light on in her bedroom. "Well, you let me know when or if you need to talk. I realize you have a support network in place, but I'm here, too. If you need me."

"I know you are."

They both fall quiet. The hum of an engine filters through the phone.

"Are you in the car?" she asks.

"Yeah. Meeting."

"Ah." She takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that for a split-second, she'd been wondering if he was on his way here.

"I thought it might be a good idea," he continues. "All things considered."

"You don't have to explain. You don't even have to tell me you're going, you know that." She ditches her suitcase at the end of the bed and then kicks off her shoes.

"I know, but it's a pretty routine part of my life. There's no reason not to be open about it."

She wants to say something about there being such a thing as too open, but fears he'll miss interpret it. Where she's concerned, he could tell her anything, choose to make her a part of his accountability system, or ask her to stay out of it, whatever. In either case, she would respect his autonomy as a man and an adult. She would recognize his boundaries and his need for other people besides his loved ones to lean on for support. Other women in his life? His mother specifically? Not so much.

"What is it?" he asks, his voice low. She realizes she hasn't responded to him.

"Nothing. I'm sorry. I was just thinking," she says as she plops herself onto the bed.

"About?"

"You," she says, smiling and putting her heavier thoughts aside for now.

He chuckles. "Funny, I was just thinking about you too."

Her stomach flutters. "Imagine that."

Silence descends on them again and she sighs, lying back and stretching out. "I actually have a bit of a confession to make," she says when she's comfortable.

"Oh?" His voice is light, but she hears the edge in it. As if he's not 100% sure where she's going with this.

She smiles. "I couldn't stop thinking about you today. And the farther I got from Forks, the worse it got. I'm freaking out a little, to be honest."

He sighs. "I've been having a similar problem. In fact, I'm half-tempted to ditch my meeting and keep going straight on to Seattle. I feel like I just need to see your face once more time, just to make sure what happened was real."

Her breathing accelerates. "Yeah."

He's quiet a long moment. She listens to the sound in the background. The hum of the engine as it slows, the clicking of the turn signal, and then the car accelerating and then decelerating again. She pictures his hand as he shifts gears, his face as he watches the road, then pictures herself next to him as she recalls their drive back to Charlie's just two days ago. A warm feeling blooms in her chest.

"Four weeks," she says. "We'll see each other in four weeks."

He sighs. "Four weeks."

"It'll go by really fast."

"Yeah, I'm sure it will."

"And we'll e-mail. Text. Talk."

"Right. I know."

The warm feeling cools a little. A lot can change in four weeks. A lot can go unsaid over the phone. "And there's no pressure, E. If you need more time. . . "

"_More_ time?" He laughs. "I miss you already, silly girl."

She smiles, the warmth returning. "I miss you, too."

He hums, an approving sound. "I was worried, you know. _Am_ worried, I guess. That you'll have second thoughts."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because sometimes things look different at a distance."

"Oh, E. . . "

"Look, Bella, you're. . . smart, and you're usually very thoughtful, and careful, and I. . . I think things took us both by surprise on Monday. Yesterday, too, with my siblings. And the kids. And the drama with my mother. . . "

"Edward, don't put that on yourself."

He doesn't seem to hear her. "No, look, I know it was more than you ever planned when you agreed to see me over Christmas. More than is reasonable to expect."

"It _was _more than I planned," she agrees, feeling the warmth burn hotter and then spread. "It was so much more. But in the _best_ way."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She takes a deep breath and sits up, evaluating her state of mind, and trying to find the right words. She can't offer any guarantees—no more than he can—but she can let him know she's in this for now. She's not going anywhere. "Listen, I can't say that I won't feel like I have an emotional hangover tomorrow, or maybe the next day, and I can't promise things won't be awkward between us when we see each other the next time, because they might. But I won't regret a thing that happened this week—even if in the end, it doesn't work out."

His breathing is fast as hers is. "I want it to work out," he whispers.

"So do I," she says earnestly. _So do I. _


End file.
